Sad Sunday.

So we hadn't really been to church lately, and i had forgotten why. So since i actually had a sunday off from work, i was like "Hey Hubbs, let's go to church today!" so we got all gussied up and on our way we went. (driving our shiny new car i would like to point out! yay we got a new car, more on that later, back to the story now) So we park, and right there in the parking lot i remember why we stopped going. Babies. Literally everywhere. Everywhere you look there are couples running around holding 40 babies each. I sat there and tried to tough it out. I really did. But there were twins babies sitting right in front of me. And babies to my left and babies to my right. It was horrible. It was all i could do to stop myself from crying. I asked Hubbs if we could leave early. He asked why and i said "Because i'm sad" He said ok and back to the car we went. He immediately comforted me and said "maybe we can find a session without babies" i asked if he thought there might be a senior citizen one somewhere we could go to. Then we both laughed.

On the car ride home i definitely cried. I held back the tears for as long as i could. But seriously. You'd think i'd get over this eventually. It's been months. Months of avoiding the babypalooza that is our church. So i shall be avoiding it some more. Still definitely far too painful. I just hate it when the babies are rubbed in my face. It's like hey, everyone has babies! Babies are taking over! Oh hey look, so and so is expecting her 15th baby and she's only 30.

One day i'm sure it won't be as bad. I hold on to that hope that one day we'll get to be parents. It's just so hard waiting and hoping and that constant nagging feeling of disappointed hopes and setbacks.

I came home and snuggled Gibbs for a long while, that definitely helped. Then i just felt tired and nauseated and slept for like 3 hours. Still feeling icky now, but i'm cooking Hubbs dinner because i love him and because he's been so supportive and loving throughout all of this. My crazy emotional outbursts and depressed days.

Thinking about calling in sick to work tomorrow. Hubbs will be mad, but I feel sick and lousy and sad. That's a perfect excuse to miss work methinks.

Turkey Day.

Woohoo for turkey day. I've been telling everyone today "Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a food night!" it made me feel clever. lol. Today we're going over to Hubb's sister's house. Totally glad i only have to make 1 thing. Hurray for green bean casserole. I was gonna make a dessert too, but then they had pies on sale for like $3 and that's what i was gonna make. The cost of the ingredients was gonna be way more that $3. So i caved and bought the pie instead.
Should be a good time though. I'm looking forward to it.

I am not however looking forward to working tonight. from 9pm - 1:30am there is a good chance i will get trampled by someone trying to run to a good deal. eeeek. Have to do it all again tomorrow night too. Oh boy. Here's to hoping i stay safe. lol.

Tomorrow Hubbs and i are also going to test out the theory that Black Friday is the best day to buy a car. We'll see what happens. We're mostly just going to browse and see what deals we can get. My dad swears that 12/31 is actually the best day to buy a car because every salesperson is itching to make their quotas and will sell you cars for next to nothing. Still gonna check out tomorrow anyway.

Hubbs and i haven't really talked much about the whole baby thing lately. I still want to broach the idea of him getting his swimmers tested so we can know once and for all whether or not the problem is just with me. Still need to know how much it's going to cost without insurance. I'm assuming we'll have to wait till after the holiday to find out.

Apparently this coming week is fertility week. I don't really want to bother testing for ovulation, pretty sure i'll just get disappointed. I'll actually be excited for my period this next month. Cause the sooner it gets here, the sooner i can start my first clomid cycle. I'm sure i've mentioned this so many times, but i don't care, i'm excited. lol.

Anyway, i hope you and yours have a spectacular Thanksgiving!

Health Insurance

Hurray my new health insurance cards came in. Effective as of 12/1/11. Awesome. This means that we should be able to start clomid with my december cycle. Happy joy joy! This means i just might be able to fulfill my dream of having a kid born on 2/29. lol.

Today turned out to be not as long of a day as originally planned. We got to practice restraints, defensive moves, and holds. After struggling against restraints for like an hour i was super tired and sore. lol. Definitely one of the more fun educational things i've done lately.

Hubbs and i went to campus on monday and made appointments with our advisors. So after the 6th i should be able to register for classes and be all excited for january when school starts.

I like seeing this whole wide world of possibilities. I'm starting to feel way more optimistic, this totally makes me a happy panda. =)

A Work Related Post Today...

Attention shoppers, i have some tips for you when it comes to taking free samples so you don't piss off the sample giver person.

1. Take the napkin too. For serious. We spend all this time putting your stupid sample on a napkin, the least you can do is take it. You touch it when you pick up said sample, so we have to throw it away anyway.

2. Don't let your kid breathe all over the samples. I know they like to stick their faces close to everything, but come on, now i have to throw the rest away.

3. Pick up the one closest to you. One is not better than the other. Your sleeve grazes the front two while you clumsily pick up the one closest to me, and now i have to throw the rest away.

4. Don't stand there and ask stupid questions like "oooh, what is that you've got there?" REALLY? there are no less than 2 giant signs indicating the crap that i'm peddling this week... L2Read.

5. Don't try to be all sneaky and be like "what? i've never walked down this ailse before, who are you? what store is this? is that some sort of food you have there? i think i'll try that" I know you took one like 5 mins ago, i don't care. Take another one. Seriously just do it. This one is the best one anyway, no sleeve germs or little kid breath on this one, i promise.

6. When you see me standing there with an empty cart, with literally no food on it, and no indication of food on it. Don't ask me what i'm making, again, read the GIANT SIGN THAT SAYS IT, i'm busy prepping stuff and i hate you for having to take time to answer your stupid question instead of making said item.

7. No, i am not an employee of this store. Sure i'm in it, and i'm wearing accessories with the logo all over it... i know it's confusing. No, i can't tell you where turkey ham (someone asked me for this, wtf is it? has anyone heard of this?)/hot chocolate/squeeze bottles/uncooked torillas/whatever the heck you're looking for is... i have no idea. Unless it's the item i am actively demoing at my stupid cart, i have no clue where it is.

This is all i can think of for now, i'm sure there will be more. Take this to heart people, especially if you come to my cart. lol.

In other news. Little Gibbs had a seizure today. The vet says it's a typical thing with poodles and just to look out for anything that indicates his brain function has been impaired. Poor little guy. We've showered him with lots of extra love and affection today and hope it was just a one time thing.

Forgetful

So apparently i forgot to blog yesterday. way to fail me, way to fail.

After what seemed like an endless day at work where i felt incredibly ill for the last 4 hours of it, i drove home. This took, not the 10 minutes it usually does, but a whopping 45 mins. I got home incredibly cranky and tired and loaded down with groceries. Luckily, there was a nice guy in the parking lot who helped me carry some of it up to the apartment.

Hubbs and i just sat around watching the office and not doing anything productive at all. It was a lovely evening. lol.

I work today too. Not gonna get home till 7:30 apparently. Hubbs is going to make dinner. I'm a little excited about that. He's gonna make yummy things, i am certain.

Insurance cards have yet to come in. I am starting to doubt whether they are going to! I start Job #1 on monday. A bit nervous, don't really feel very trained, maybe there will be some on the job training or something. I dunno.

Gibbs has been absolutely adorable lately. He wants to cuddle with me a lot, which makes me happy. That little furball just lights up my day! Hubbs and i have taken to calling him our furbaby. lol.

Tuesday, Thursday and Friday this week i am working double shifts. DOUBLE SHIFTS. I am clearly a crazy person. One is a required training, but the other two i stupidly volunteered for. Seriously, what kind of idiot actually volunteers to work at a retail store on black friday?!?!

Hubbs and i are dropping by our college on monday to finish up the financial aid paperwork and get our ID's and stuff. I have to fill out the "change your major" paperwork as well. I'm kind of nervous about going back to school, but i'm sure it'll be great. My transcripts came today from my other school Holy crap are they thick! lol. A whole $0.53 to mail! that's like, 10 pages or something crazy like that.

Last Day of Freedom

So today apparently is my last day off until the madness begins. Well, i do have next weekend off, which is nice, but for serious, i'm gonna be crazy busy. Job #1 starts monday. I have shifts both tomorrow and sunday for job #2. This week, for 3 days after working 9-3:30 at job #1, i then have to do shifts at job #2. Oh boy. I am going to be crazy tired.

The idea of working a black friday shift is also incredibly terrifying. Go me? Why the eff did i volunteer for this?!!?

Hubbs' training started today. Apparently he got the job. Hurray for him!

It was funny. Apparently all of the people in his training class are moms. One of which had her baby with her. He was all like, "so when you have babies, are your boobs gonna get bigger?" and i was like "yep. lol" My boobs are already crazy big, but it was so funny hearing him get all excited about the idea of me having even bigger boobs. He was also way more frisky today than usual. Could be that it's been like a week since we'd done it, but i feel like it's pulling teeth when i try to get him in the mood. I told him he should hang out with moms more often. lol. Still, in the back of my mind, jealous freak me is like "wtf was he thinking about all day that made him come home and actually want sex for once?!" but there is a part of me that justifies it by saying that it's probably just because it had been so long since we got to sexing. I'll try to not think about it too much, cause then i'll overthink it and get all chick-crazy. (which i hate)

Anyways, it's been a pretty good week. I'm nervous about the craziness on my plate next week. Working shifts and then working more shifts. But i guess it's good. Money is always a good thing, especially cause it's kind of tight this month. Hubbs' new job should help.

Still waiting for the insurance cards to come so i can go to the doctor and talk about the clomid stuff. Kind of nervous about that conversation, hoping he'll tell me we can start sooner rather than later, but i guess i'll just have to wait and see.

I'm still wondering about how much it would be to get Hubbs' sperm tested. I know we should in case the problem isn't just with me, but with him as well... definitely going to remember to look into that.

Ok so i Lied. lol.

I wound up selling my laptop whilst on vacation. So i didn't post every day. Way to fail me! way to fail.

We spent the rest of vacation doing everything in our power to not spend any money. We went o the Coke Bottle, the M&M's store, the Ethel M Factory, the Pinball Hall of Fame, and the Auto Collections at the Imperial Palace. We printed a coupon for the last one, so that's what made it free. lol.

We got Gibbs groomed so he actually looks like a poodle now, which is awesome. Hubbs was like "wait, is that my dog? are you sure that's my dog?" He was so cute.


Also, at the auto collections, i fell in love... too bad i can't afford the price tag. Something in the hundreds of thousands of dollars range.


Now Hubbs and i are back home. Health insurance is supposed to kick in this month, just in time to start a Clomid cycle. yay? Another thing i've been wondering about is how much it would be to get Hubbs' swimmers tested. My company doesn't include insurance for him. I guess we could wait until he gets a job and has insurance of his own. He has a second interview/training this weekend and then an interview for a different job on monday. I really hope he gets at least one of them, it would take a whole lot of stress out of everything. Selling my laptop definitely helped with the financial stress.

In other news, we might be trading our car in for something with 4-wheel drive. It's gonna start snowing here pretty soon and we want something that will allow us to drive a bit more safely. Our current car really didn't hold up too well last year. According to my father, the absolute best day to buy a car is December 31st. Cause salespeople are nervous about hitting their quotas and will sell you cars for almost anything. We are very eager to test out his theory.

Vegas Day One

So here we are in Vegas. So far this morning i have discovered that my favorite breakfast place has closed, spent way too much money on shoes and clothes for my husband (but it's not our money, so spend away i say!), lounged around reading girly books whilst my husband and father get their fill of sunday football. Good heavens my husband missed watching football.

We have no money. We spent $50 of non-existant money getting here and need it back before 2pm tomorrow or we'll get evicted from our apartment. Super awesome. I'm sure i'll all work out just fine.

Tonight we're going out to dinner with my parents to the delicious and delightful Cheesecake Factory. A favorite of our family, mostly because we don't have any where we live.

Gibbs has been getting along great with the other doggies which is great, it was something i was definitely worried about.

The rest of the week remaining here seems to be planned out. Hopefully we find some time to meet with my good buddy and her husband. I know Hubbs has to be craving some guy time. Guy binding is important or something like that. lol.

The important thing here is that i have done well and am keeping my promise to keep blogging every day in November. Hurray me! Baby steps.

Also, one annoying thing. I really hate when people ask "have you lost weight?" it's kind of a douchebaggy thing to say. It's like hey, i thought you were way fatter than you look right now. wtf is that??! it's especially annoying because i've actually gained weight, apparently i just carry it better now or something. LAME. My parents have this awesome way of complementing me in such a way that makes me feel like total crap. Good times.

Early Morning Post Time

Today is gonna be a crazy packed and busy day. I'll be working till 4:30 then heading straight home to throw stuff in the car and drive for 6 hours to Vegas. Since usually when i get off work, my legs feel like they're gonna fall off and die, i wonder what i'd have to do to convince Hubbs to drive the whole way.

I packed everything last night and for the first time ever, couldn't fit everything in one bag. I consider myself thegrand master of packing. I toured Europe for a month with just a single backpack. and not a special backpack, like for camping, just a normal one. This same bag refused to fit all of my stuff for this trip. wtf?!?! So Hubbs and i are taking 3 bags. Which if you think about it, is way too many bags for a 4 day trip. I've turned into one of "those people" who takes way too many bags and never needs them all. I hate those people.

I'm posting too early to see the bloggy prompt for today. So i guess that's it. I will try my best to post while on mini-vacation. =)

Super Sore

Had a long day at work today my feet and lower back are killing me yet again. If i didn't think feet were totally gross (even my own) i would so ask Hubbs for a foot massage. Maybe i can sucker him in to giving me a back rub. Got offered a shift at my other job starting the 28th. And starting school in January. Man i am a busy busy bee. How will we ever find time to fit in Clomid cycles and baby-making?!?!

Leaving for Vegas tomorrow after work. I will make every effort to blog while we're on our mini-vacation. Don't know how possible it will be since i'm not bringing my computer. I guess i could bring my laptop (which is a total piece of crap, it's 6 years old and runs like a dinosaur and occasionally crashes) yes, laptop bringing it shall be. Since i'm pretty sure there isn't a blogger app for blackberry yet.

So even when school does start, i plan on keeping my weekend job. It's part time, pays decently, and includes benefits. Not something a lot of jobs have nowadays.

I went to bed at 8:30 last night. That is so pathetic. I've just been feeling so tired and rundown lately. I can't seem to shake this cold i have either. grrrrr. Hopefully it all clears up soon. Usually getting out of town for a few days is good for me. Recharges the batteries and all that.

Oh, in other news, Hubbs and i almost got evicted today. good times. We paid like, half of our rent and were waiting to pay the other half when i get paid. Normally the apartment complex is pretty lenient about that sort of thing. But apparently they've now decided to be giant dicks about it. They also refuse to let us pay them half of the rest today and half of the rest on monday. NONO it must ALL be paid at the same time. In case they forgot, today is an effing holiday and all of the banks are closed. We couldn't even pay you the full amount today if we wanted to. Seriously, a huge bunch of dicks. Luckily they have given us till monday to pay. Goodness gracious, now we want to move out of here even more.

You'd think i'd be a giant ball of stress with everything that's been going on lately. But no. I'm kinda kind of relaxing and going with the flow. Sure that means i might drown in this river of doom that we're currently floating down... but i'm sure someone will throw me a life-ring of whatever those stupid things they have near pools and ships are called. And of course, i have Hubbs with me, which is nice, he makes me laugh even when things are horrible, which is one of the better qualities one could wish for in a partner. He has a job interview/training thing when we get back from Vegas too. So keep your fingers crossed for that. He's been unemployed for almost a year now, and it would be amazing to not have to be the sole breadwinner. Especially because even with 2 jobs, i still don't make enough to support us right now. Once i start that new shift at the end of the month maybe it'll be possible, but definitely not now.

Maybe i'll get lucky in Vegas like i did last time. I won $250 at bingo last time i was there. It was super awesome. Hubbs also has crazy great luck when it comes to those stupid penny slot things. For serious. lol.

Also, since it is 11/11/11, an awesome day that comes around once every hundred(?) years. NaBloPoMo's prompt of the day is to make 3 wishes. So wishing starts now! lol.

1. I wish that some day eventually, Hubbs and i are able to have a child of our very own (whether that means biologically, adopting, whatever, we don't care, we just want to one day be parents)

2. That we find some direction in life, and that we are both able to find jobs that we enjoy and we find fulfilling.

3. That we are blessed enough to continue love each other a little more every day, and never take that love for granted.

Those might be cheesy wishes. But gorramit, they're my awesome wishes. Now to just find a genie to make those wishes come true. (although, i do have a wish ready if i ever do find a genie lamp, it's that every time i go to pay for something, i magically have exact change to pay for it, feel free to steal that one, it's awesome) I chose not to include that one in my NaBloPoMo wishes, because the wishes i made are a little more realistic. lol.

Run Down, Achy and Sickly

I feel like i should be over this cold/whatever thing by now. I'm just so tired all the time. My head aches, my lower back aches, i just feel really crummy. Super lame.

In other news, i work tomorrow and saturday. Then right after i get off work, when i'm guaranteed to be tired, sore, and cranky, Hubbs and i will be driving off to Vegas. Should be fun though, we'll get some yummy food, get to see the family, and Gibbs will get to meet the other doggies. Kind of nervous about that part. I'm sure he'll be fine though.

Gonna head to school today and try to get my residency worked out and get my student id. Perhaps try to convince hubbs to actually pay his application fee so he can get in. Not sure how we're actually gonna pay for things like rent and food. Gonna have to have a nice, potentially horrifying chat with my family. Good times.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

We went to costco a few days ago and picked up some Cinnamon Toast Crunch, this was the greatest idea ever. Not only is it nommy for breakfast, but totally satisfies my late night sweet cravings as well. And i feel less guilty about eating it because it's cereal, and cereal is awesome.

My FAFSA came back today and i'm totally gonna get enough money to cover the year. Or are FAFSA's done by semester? I really have no idea. Transcripts have been ordered and looking forward to meeting with my advisor next week, or maybe the week after next. Hubbs has kind of been slacking on getting all of his stuff in. Hopefully if i bug him enough he'll do it. He's the one who's supposed to be more excited about going back to school than me.
Now all i need to do is choose a major, i think i'm leaning more towards Forensic Science, because i can actually finish my degree there and not have to worry about transferring, like i would with Mining Engineering.

We're doing pretty great. Hubbs has been awesome about helping me around the house more. He's been doing dishes and vacuuming and just being incredibly sweet. We've also been having a Glee marathon. Which is completely hilarious.

I gave Gibbs a bath the other day. Hubbs decided he wanted to watch. He thought it was so cute. He said "I can't wait till we have kids and you give them baths, it's gonna be 100x cuter" I love when he says things like that. Makes me happy to know that he's excited for the day we have kids too.

Timing wise, this next cycle kind of has to work, otherwise, we'll have to wait 3 months before trying again. Maybe it's a bad idea to try to plan a baby around a school schedule. To me though, it does make the most sense to try to time it so that the baby would be born during a break in school. That way i wouldn't have to take too much time off and such. I dunno. No matter what though, next cycle is gonna start the Clomid madness. Hopefully Hubbs can handle an emotional mess of a me. lol.

Blarg

My head still hurts like heck, i'm pretty sure i took one too many pain pills for it an now feel kind of nauseated. But hey, i managed to get a daily blog in just under the wire. Hurray for me.
In other exciting news, Hubbs and i are BOTH starting school again in January. I already have a bachelor's and he needs to finish his first one. I figure hey, what's 4 more years, right? I'm kind of tired of crappy, no skills required jobs, and would like to do something awesome. I'm deciding between Mining Engineering or Forensic Science (a field apparently which is like, 80% women).
Reapplied to school today and i'm gonna go meet with an advisor tomorrow. This is great. I have been feeling like going back to school, i just needed some direction. Totally looking forward to it. Wish us luck!
Also, this doesn't mean that baby-making is going on the back burner, oh no no. We'll be trying for that as well. The timing will just have to be great. lol. Like arrange it so the baby will be due during winter break, or summer vacation or something.... yea.... oh well. If i have to take a semester off cause i get knocked up, so be it.
A friend once said it very well, "i'm gonna turn 30 anyway, i might as well be doing something i love" I'm definitely taking that to heart here. I dislike currently being 3 years out of college and having nothing to show for it. I'm have jobs that kids right out of high school can get. It's kind of depressing. This way, i'll have skills that are actually in demand. People will be begging me to work for them. It'll be awesome. (this might be wishful thinking, but i don't care. everyone needs a little hope every once in a while)
And now i feel like i'm gonna puke again. it's back to laying down for me. =/

Headaches and Horribleness

I've really just been feeling like complete crap lately. My head is aching like crazy, my ears hurt, my neck is sore... why can't it all just go away? I'm almost out of the fancy painkillers that Male Doctor gave me for my giant cyst on Lefty.

The one comforting thing so far is that Gibbs has been coming up to me and asking for lots of loving. Which is great, cause i love affection when i'm feeling all sickly.

I have also decided that i'm going to stray from proper capitalization because this is more of a stream of consciousness thing and it's easier... and i'm lazy.

Since i am feeling like a carrier monkey today, probably going to cut it out for today. But i shall relish in my small victory of actually posting 2 days in a row despite the fact that nothing exciting has happened.

In an unrelated note, i am craving sushi something fierce. Wonder what it'll take to convince Hubbs to let me get some... i'm guessing bribery. lol.

NaBloPoMo

So Jen over at Maybe If You Just Relax... is participating in NaBloPoMo, and I thought to myself man, I can totally commit to making a blog post every day! why not?! I really have nothing better to do... well, I mean, I have work occasionally, and we're going to be taking a week-long trip to Vegas in the next 2 weeks. I'm gonna do it though! Totally on board!
Now that I know other people may even be reading this thing... I feel like it will pressure me to pay attention to things like grammar and proper capitalization.

Hubbs and I almost got into our first fight last night. Yes, we've been married for over a year and have yet to have a fight. It was stupid really, We were playing WoW (this nerdy computer game that we play) and he called some other chick "Woman" which is what he calls me. Then I got all jealous and was like "wtf!?! don't call other women the thing you call me when you're being all cute" Also, I was the one who had been at work like, all weekend, and I get home to him acting like a jerk to me. Totally not cool. We have this thing where if we feel like the other one is getting mad we'll say "is this a fight?" The answer is always no. Last night though, Hubbs said "yes" I then refused to allow it to be a fight and told him that I just didn't want him to be a jerk to me after I get home from working all day. He then apologized and decided to be less of an ass.

I'm slightly bummed that we don't have health insurance right now, it kicks in towards the middle of the month. My period just ended, which I'm pretty sure means if we were gonna start Clomid, it would have to be right now! This awesome timing means that we'll have to wait till next cycle to start. This makes me a sad panda.

Well anyway, here I will be, making a sincere effort to blog every day in the month of November. Gogo me!

Crimson Wave of Terror

I like how like, 3 days after i waste money on a pregnancy test, my period slaps me in the face. Seriously. So rude! How dare you, period! so mean! I feel like it's crazy heavier than normal and i've just run out of tampons. Always fun. Have to wait till monday to buy some more. That or i guess i could make Hubbs go buy some (although i did promise him that i would never make him do that). anyways. I've just been working to distract myself from the disappointment of failed cycles. It was hard today, passing out free toys and giving a bajillion children cupcakes. Seeing all of the tiny adorable babies everywhere.
It's been kind of rough, but i've seriously been trying to just buck up and deal with it. I've felt like crying less, so that's also a good sign i am certain.
Looking forward to visiting my parents here in a few weeks. They always try to murder us with overfeeding. Can't wait for them to meet little Gibbs though. Our dog is seriously precious and i know they will just fall in love with him just like we have.

Here he is on Halloween looking all adorable.