Yesterday Sucked

Yesterday was totally a terrible day. Hubbs woke up crying because for some reason he's freaking out about the possibility of our dog dying. I'm sure it's other things that he's subconsciously worried or afraid of manifesting itself in this way, but holy crap. He had another sob fit in the early evening and then another just before he finally fell asleep. Maybe it's just his depression acting up, or maybe it's SAD? I have no idea but it's kind of freaking me out. I tried to soothe him and calm him as much as I could. Eventually, I got him laughing, which is finally what helped him to fall asleep. It was definitely bizarre.

I had my final job interview today, and I wish I could say it would have been my final job interview ever, but alas, no. I didn't get the job that would get us out of debt and prevent us from moving. I'm not really that sad about it, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I still have my interview for my dream job coming up either at the end of February or the beginning of March, so I have that to look forward to.

I've applied for several more jobs and still have other applications in the works. I still think we might be getting to the point where Hubbs will have to get a night job or something, even if it's just part time to help out. I really need all of our W2's to get here so we can actually file our taxes. I know we probably won't get that much as a return, but it might just be enough to keep us afloat for another month beyond the savings we have at the moment.

This timing really isn't great. I went to the doctor yesterday and I officially have to start doing something about my diet and the fact that I never exercise. I'm starting on the pill to try to regulate my cycles and stuff, but the doctor was very kind while explaining that the absolute best thing I can do is to start eating right and working out. Pretty much the plan at this point is to eat all of the "bad food" we have left in the house, because we can't throw it away, because we're too poor. Then the next time we have to go shopping, we can plan for buying more healthy things.

I've been researching (I'm not gonna call them diets, let's go with "food rules") and the one that I think might work best for me is following vegetarian food rules with limited carbs for 6 days of the week, and allowing myself one day to eat whatever the heck I want (within reason). Or maybe I'll refer to my old Weight Watchers manuals and use those to help calculate points whilst following the new rules. At this point, I figure we have about a week's worth of "bad" food and after we're done with that, the new regime takes over.

I want to start working out, but yesterday, I slipped and fell on the super icy pathway down to the parking lot and hurt my ankle and my shoulder on my right side. I'm thinking maybe some sort of chair yoga or something for the first week? I really don't think walking on the treadmill or even the elliptical would work out too well at the moment. Eh, maybe it will. Maybe I'm just making excuses and being lazy.

I remember the last time I started working out after years of being sedentary, it took me about a week to get in the groove of things. I still have my bodybugg sitting around somewhere, I guess it's time to bust it out of retirement. I'm going to try to remember though to stay focused that it's not about what I weigh, it's going to be about how my clothes fit and how I feel. It would be nice not to have to wear maternity pants all the time because they're so much more comfortable than regular pants.

I know I've said it several times before, but today really is the day that I am making the conscious effort to change. I have to, or this whole baby thing will never happen for us. Whenever I feel down, or discouraged, I'm going to refer back to what this nice doctor said "Do it for the baby" and hopefully that will be enough to keep me motivated through this journey.

Skipping Days All Over the Place

I've totally been dropping the blogging ball lately, and for that, I apologize. I've come down with a nasty case of something that I'm pretty sure I caught from nomming on my adorable niece's cheeks and tiny hands. It's kind of hit me like a freight train. I was ok and just had a tickle in my throat that would make me cough every once in a while, but now I've got these awesome lung shattering phlemy gross coughs that are occasionally so violent that I pee just a little bit. Gross, I know.

Anyways, that's my pathetic excuse for not blogging lately.

Today I have my final interview for a HUGE job opportunity that I am completely giddy and excited about. I'm lost in my optimism at this point. If I don't get it, I'm pretty sure I'll be crushed. Any interview where you can get away with saying "I'd pick the elderly man with the heart attack and no breathing or pulse last because he's already dead and I can give CPR instructions over the phone" and still make it through to the next round of interviews is a winner. To be fair, the 2 other options were ridiculous, so I definitely think I made the right choice. Hubbs and I are already joking about where we'll take our first vacation after paying off our debts.

Today I'm also going to head over to my local Planned Parenthood to try to figure out what's going on with my lady business cause it's CD89 and there's no AF in sight. I'll go ahead and post my chart for you, because just the sheer size of it is ridiculous.

 

It looks tiny, but every single one of those little grey boxes is a day... and AF hasn't shown her face since OCTOBER. It's like my birthday happened and my lady bizness was like, "eff you B*tch, I quit!" and ran away or something. So hopefully it's something easy to figure out or maybe against all odds, there's actually a tiny human growing in there. I've tested twice so far, about 2 weeks ago and 2 weeks before that, but BFN as usual. With a rocky random chart like that you can't really can't predict anything anyway. The program is like "Coverline, whaaa? I don't even know where to start" "O-day? Um... maybe over hither somewhere?" My body, breakin' all the rules since 19-SomethingSomething...

I'm sure everything is fine and that my body is just being its usual stupid self. There was that one time in college where AF didn't come for about 7 months, so not even close to breaking the record. 

In other news, everyone I know is pregnant, seriously, bellies all up everywhere. I'm so glad that I've gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me anymore, because if this had happened to me a year ago, I would have been a sniveling crying mess 24/7. Hurray for progress. lol.

Brownies and Interviews

Tomorrow is my interview for potential new job #1. I think I recall them saying that there are 2 rounds of interviews, hopefully I make it past the first one, but we'll see. Getting this job would mean more money and not having to move, which would be kind of nice. Especially the money part. lol.

Last night we had game night over at Hubbs' eldest sister's house. It was a lot of fun, we played Zombies!!! and a little bit of Cthulhu Fluxx. I made a batch of brownies that were insanely delicious.
It was the box mix of Betty Crocker's Hot Chocolate Brownies. They were seriously so good! Ooey and gooey and yum-tastic. Highly recommend!

As always at the end, we sat around chatting about life and plans for the future and such. We always have a great time going over there.

Tonight we're gonna stay home and watch Monday Night RAW with some pizza for dinner. Sounds like the perfect evening for us. It's funny, when I was a kid, I watched wrestling on occasion, because this boy I liked was way into it, but I never really got into it. Now I am all about it. It's a lot of fun to watch and even though it is blatantly fake and the winners are predetermined, it is really entertaining. We are super excited for next weekend's Royal Rumble, especially since there's no football next weekend.

The Super Bowl is something we are looking forward to. Last year we went to Buffalo Wild Wings and we're going to do it again this year. It is going to be even more thrilling for me because my team is actually in it this year, which is just awesome. Lots of things to look forward to in the near future, which makes me pretty happy.

Missed a Day?!!?

Gaaah! I was waiting to post until after we got back from Phantom of the Opera but then there was dinner, and action movies, and then another movie and crap, I have failed! EEEEP!

I had been doing so well. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. Maybe there will be two post today to make up for it.

This month so far has still been my best NaBloPoMo yet and I suppose I really can't be too mad at myself for that.

Everybody's Looking Forward to the Weekend... Weekend

I subbed at a new high school today against my better judgement, and I have to say, I'm glad I did.

The school has a zero tolerance cell phone policy, which means if you see it, you get to confiscate it and the student has to pick it up from the main office at the end of the day. This rule is a lifesaver. Almost every problem I had yesterday wouldn't even have been an issue if the school had this rule in place.

The students were also overall better behaved and it was a far more pleasant day. I think it helps that there was an assembly and the teacher's prep time was in between the assembly and lunch, so I was essentially paid to sit on my ass and do nothing for 3 hours. Best day ever.

Tomorrow Hubbs and I are going to see Phantom of the Opera. Sure it's the local college's show, and not a professional production, but apparently every time they do this one, it rocks people's socks off. So I'm looking forward to that.

Hubbs crashed our scooter last night about 30 feet from our house and hurt his hand. I'm 90% sure it's not broken, just banged up a bit. He's such a baby. lol.

Speaking of babies... Hubbs needed help yesterday babysitting after I was finished at work and I got to help with our niece. She is very cute and we nommed on her cheeks a little bit. She got a kick out of that. So since Hubbs' hand was less than functional, I changed a diaper for the first time, prepped a bottle and fed it to her. Apparently I'm a natural. lol. Hubbs was like "wow, you make that look really easy! She usually fights me when I feed her." He also commented that I'm a natural mother, which is nice to hear from the father of our future children. That baby killed that bottle. Seriously. She sucked it down like there was no tomorrow. I rocker her, soothed her, fed her, changed her and I have to say, did a pretty good job. This whole baby thing is easy! lol.

The whole three-day weekend will be nice as well. No work, no school, and an awesome interview to look forward to when the new work week starts. Hurray!

Teenagers... WTF?

I subbed at a high school today. I'll admit, when I was in high school, I was a jerk who thought the world revolved around me too. I might have even been rude to a sub on occasion. Holy crap though, kids today are RIDICULOUS. Consider this my open letter to teenagers everywhere.

Teenagers,

You don't need your cell phone on and with you every second of every day. One, you're not that important. I know you think you are, because your parents instill in you that you're their precious little snowflake and are the most important person in the world. Sure, to them you are. To everyone else, you are NOBODY. Get over yourself.

You're in school for a reason. Mostly, so you can practice for real life and/or college. No, you can't have your headphones in blasting Skrillex or whatever you want in class. You definitely can't do it at your future job at McDonald's. You will live if you don't have your music in your ear for the very short school day, I promise. 

I have one job when I'm in charge of your class... maybe two. One, make sure you don't gravely injure yourself on my watch, and two, make sure you do the assignment your teacher left for you. Listen, I don't care about your assignment, you sure as heck don't care about it, but you know what? your teacher does and he/she is the one who has to put up with you for the rest of the year, so try not to piss her/him off.

Sincerely,

Me.


P.S.

Now parents, don't think I'm putting all of the blame here on your precious little angels. Let me tell you something... your kid is a dick. For serious. Sure he/she may not talk back to you and you might think your little snowflake is a model citizen when away from your prying eyes. No, this is a lie. Your kid spends well over half of the class time trying to figure out how to hide from their teacher that they are texting in their lap. Your kid will talk back, argue with the teacher, refuse to do their work and you wonder why your kid brings home C's? Not to mention the fact that your kid talks about getting drunk/high/laid/whatever openly in the hallways with their friends and you have no idea. Do you know who's at fault? YOU ARE. Your kid is a dick because of YOU. You need to step up, be the parent, and teach your kid how to act like a proper human being.

_______________________________________________________________

I will concede that there are several youths today who's parents are doing a fantastic job. Obviously, these awesome kids will grow up to be productive members of society, but sadly, the majority of kids today are not.

These kids are the future of our country, the future of our planet... and you know what, that scares the crap out of me. We need to teach children to be better than us, because if we don't, Earth is pretty much f*cked.

Fantastically Awesome Day!

You know, there haven't been many days in my life that I've looked back on and said "man, that was a good day." Today just might make the short list.

I tested for an job today and am proud to say I made it through the interesting battery of tests and have the stage one (out of two) interview next week. This job, whilst high-stress, would rake in a boatload of money for Hubbs and me and would completely change our lives.

Shortly after I received the good news about this next step in the interviews for this potential job... I got home and checked my e-mail, and what was waiting for me there? What magical mystery piece of wonder had the awesomeness fairies left for me? An invitation to interview for my DREAM JOB! The one I have been hoping and praying and trying not to get my hopes up about. Yes, it's 2000 miles away, and yes, it would mean some big changes in our lives, but out of thousands of applicants, I have been selected to interview!!! I'm trying to see if there's anyway they'll do a video conference call type interview, but chances are we're going to have to shell out a month's rent for me to fly out there.
My father says it's a good idea to shell out the dough because it shows that I am serious and definitely committed to this potential job, it's a terrifying thing to think about, but sometimes you've just got to take that leap.

So here I sit with a wonderful new world of possibilities that I was beginning to doubt would come around and it feels really great. Especially at a time when I was feeling low and doubting myself, the universe decides to let me bask in the glory of potential. I can actually see a future of home-ownership, maybe a townhouse, but still! Two cars! Fertility treatments?! Vacations! Going to the dentist! Oh man, do I ever miss going to the dentist. (Yes, I'm one of those weirdo freaks who LOVES having their teeth cleaned)

I'm allowing myself this hope, I'm not going to crush it just yet. This could be it. This coming together of circumstances and opportunity could just be the thing to get us started on the path of the start of rest of our lives. Oh my gosh... I could have a salary. A SALARY!! Madness. I am almost 30 and have bounced around from part-time, full-time, whatever the heck I can get my hands on jobs... but never something with a salary! I'm pretty sure that would make me a real life grown-up. Amazingness.

Random Day

Today was pretty random. I subbed at a new school and it was weird because the teachers were there, but rotating through training so basically, I spent about 45mins per class in 6 different classes throughout the day.

I also found it interesting because I had one class of every grade, and from 1st to 5th grade, the 2nd graders were actually my most difficult class of the day. Rambunctious little buggers in that one, I tell you! lol.

Tomorrow I'm testing for my potential new, possibly life changing new job and I'm excited and nervous and hopeful. The last time I tested for a job like this, I totally rocked it, so I'm seriously hoping that it works out well again this time.

I have class tonight and this last weld is seriously still kicking my ass. I'm really hoping that I manage to master it over the next few days because it's possible that the very last weld of the class will literally take me a week to complete. Good stuff. If I get this new job however, school will be put on the back burner, I don't need to go back to school to make less money. No one wants to do that.

All of our other plans are still on track and AF has yet to show her stupid face. Most women would be happy to only have 5-6 cycles a year, but it's really annoying when you're still kind of trying to procreate.

New Possibilities

In all of my job application madness I've been putting myself through over the last few months, there are times where I have seriously forgotten which jobs I've applied for.

I got a pleasant surprise today and offered the opportunity to test for a job that I'd forgotten I'd applied for. So Wednesday I'm going to go down and test for it even though I'm not sure if this is something I really want. Maybe though this is going to be one of those situations where life happens when I'm busy making other plans.

This job would pay a lot. Way more that I could ever hope to make in a welding job. This job would open up a whole new world of opportunities for me and a whole new life for Hubbs and me. I'm trying not to get my hopes up... but it's hard not to. Making plans for actually living and not struggling to pay rent every month. It would be so completely life changing and awesome.

I'm teaching at an elementary school tomorrow and high school Thurs/Fri. I'm looking forward to teaching at a new school. High school will be interesting, it's hard to strike that balance between authority and letting the kids just do whatever because let's face it, I probably care less about their assignment than they do. lol.

Things with Hubbs and I are better. I got over my grumpy mood for the most part. He still chews like an animal, but it annoys me less because my love overpowers it or something. I'm still waiting for AF to show up, so maybe it's just PMS. I'll get over it entirely eventually I'm sure. CD80 and no sign of AF anywhere. I feel like at this point I should take bets, any takers?

More Football Madness

Hubbs is a HUGE football fan, and since his team is actually still in the playoffs, he's way in to watching every game.

Yesterday we watched my team make a shocking victory, which was awesome. I'm still secretly hoping both of our teams make it to the big show. He's a little less so since he thinks I'll rub it in his face or something if my team wins. I'm way nicer than that. lol.

Today is going to be yet another lazy day. I'm working 3 full days next week, and it'll be nice to have a little bit of extra money coming in.

I'm currently doing the W2 shuffle, in which I nervously check the mail every day anxiously awaiting the arrival of my W2's so we can actually file our tax returns this year. We always try to get it done in January so our return comes super quickly. This year I'm pretty sure I'm getting at least 6 W2's, so that'll be fun. I seriously had so many part time jobs this year I literally can't even remember all of them. That is ridiculous.

Hubbs is making a giant breakfast today and I'm excited. I'm pretty sure he'll wait till halftime though, there's going to be sausage patties, pancakes, eggs. It's going to be delicious. He's really quite a good cook.

At the moment I have a boneless turkey breast in the crock pot with a bunch of stock vegetables. In the end it should taste pretty great I hope. The turkey was pretty frozen-y though so it might not be ready till around 9. That's a normal time for adults to eat dinner, right?  

14 Hour Magic

There seriously is something magical about sleeping way longer than you should. Last night I was in an incredibly crummy mood and I was feeling pretty down.

Naturally, I went to bed at 9:30. I tried staying up, I did, but I caught myself asleep on the couch twice whilst trying to watch a Night at the Roxbury.

I slept all the way until noon today, and I have to say, I feel great. lol. Energetic and refreshed and definitely feeling more optimistic about the future. I hope this feeling sticks around for a while.

So there you go, my secret for lots of energy is to sleep way longer than any normal human should or can under normal circumstances. Should probably enjoy this freedom to sleep forever while I can. lol. Not looking forward to 6am wake-up calls when our future children jump on our bed yelling "wake up, wake up, wake up, time to get up!"

Bluest of the Blues

Today I just feel like I have the blues. Our apartment is a complete mess and I just don't feel like doing anything.

I would like to curl into a ball, hide under the blankets, and shut out the world.

Hubbs and I had a date night tonight, but as we were leaving, he just pissed me off, so I was in a grumpy mood the whole time we were there. Now that we're home and he wants to hang out, I'm like um... no thanks.

Over dinner we talked a little bit about the things that are bugging me, the uncertainty of my career future, and where we'll move to. My annoyance at the fact that nothing in our apartment ever seems clean and how even when we make it clean it's dirty and cluttered a day later. He's going to try to be more helpful with the cleaning of the things. I suppose that's really all I can ask for at this point.

I've gotten to the point where I'm annoyed at the way he chews his sandwiches because he chews them exactly the same way his mother chews and I find it intolerable.  Adults should be able to chew with their mouths closed.

What is the matter with me?! I do love Hubbs very much, but lately I've just been getting annoyed at every little thing. He has shining moments, like when he tries to make me smile, but other times I just want him to get away from me. What do I do? I know he's not the one that's changed, it's definitely me... I don't know, maybe my depression is rearing its ugly head again.

I think at this point the best thing to do would just be to take a step back, calm down, take a deep breath, relax. Focus on the good things and hope for the best. Tomorrow is another day. I'll look at the new day with fresh eyes and an open heart.

My Friday

Technically, Thursdays are my Fridays because I only go to school Mon-Thurs. Two Fridays a month I'll teach during the day, but for the most part, when I get home from class Thursday nights, my weekend begins.

I've been in such a blah mood lately. Maybe it's the lack of sunshine, and the creeping snow. Maybe It's getting to be AF time and I'm just PMSing for once, but seeing as how I'm now at CD75, I doubt that's it. lol.

I don't know, everything Hubbs does just irritates me. Maybe I'm feeling under-appreciated, or maybe I'm just annoyed at what a complete mess our apartment has become. It was seriously clean for maybe a week, and that's only because I cleaned the heck out of it right before we left for Vegas for the week. I just feel so lazy. There are literally 3 empty milk gallons within 10 feet of me and that's all Hubbs' doing. I should really talk to him about cleaning up a bit before I let it build up to the point where I snap at him for something completely unrelated.

I picked up some candy and chips for both of us on my way home from class today. I'm sure it's not a great idea to eat Twizzlers, Chili-Cheese Fritos and a gigantic coke at 9:15pm... but I'm gonna do it anyway because I hate today. lol. I got Hubbs Mt. Dew, Red Vines, and Honey BBQ Fritos, because those are his favorite and I'm a nice wife on occasion.

I finished the book I was reading and was slightly dissatisfied with the ending. Lately with those annoying "love-triangle" kind of books, I always seem to pick the wrong guy. At least with Jane Austen's books I get it right. Knightley all the way! lol.

The rest of my weekend I am sure will be filled with many more job applications and video game time. I really just don't have anything better to do, and feel like I should get all the laziness out of my system before I start teaching every day.

My apartment complex has a gym, and Hubbs and I went a few times, but I'm starting to get the nagging sensation that I need to start going again. I'm definitely really fat now and think it would be nice to be a little bit more fit and actually be able to chase around after my Kindergartners without getting winded. I think I'll start slow and just do a 20min walk on the treadmill. Maybe eventually I'll build up the speed and the length and eventually I'll be running. So I make this promise to you now readers, I will walk on the treadmill for 20mins every day! Maybe 3 days a week to start. lol. 

Rather Dull Day

Let's see, today I worked on the same weld for 3 hours straight because I kept utterly and completely sucking at it. That was fun. lol.

I spent pretty much all morning playing video games, which was awesome.

I start my long term sub job at the end of the month and go till mid-March. I'm super excited. It'll be really fun to work with those kids again.

I've been rejected from 2 of the fill-in jobs I've applied for so far, but I'm not too worried because my applications for my dream job are still out there and are still possibilities, so hurray for that. 

I am extremely tired and am really just proud of myself for remembering to post before midnight. It definitely feels like a bed at 10pm kind of day.

Long-Term Subbing

I finally scored my first cushy long-term sub job today! Hurray. I'll be subbing for the kindergarten special ed class for 6 weeks! The kids were really fun today and I'm glad the teacher liked me enough to keep me on. It should be good, I'm excited to actually get to know a class long enough to learn all of their names. 

In other news I've seriously applied to dozens and dozens of jobs at this point where I can put my new welding skills to use all over the darn country. At this point I'm just waiting to hear back from all of them. Which, granted, has been the story for quite a while now, but that's ok. I'm hopeful even though I got my first rejection today. We can cross El Paso, TX off of our potential new home list. lol. I've got applications in for shipbuilding, railways, aerospace, you name it. I'm sure I would be happy in any of those industries, but it seems like the railways pay the most. My initial dream was for the shipyards though, so I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for those over the others. 

I'm so tired still. It seems like by the time I decide I should go to bed, I'm not actually that tired and I just lay there like an idiot in the dark. I get up in the morning for work and then by the time I get home all I want is a nap, which I shouldn't take, because then I won't be tired at night, but I take one anyway because I can barely keep my eyes open. Such a vicious cycle. I guess I can pretend this is good training for when/if Hubbs and I ever actually have kids.

Now we just have a month to go before our orientation session with the adoption agency! So close! The wait doesn't bother me as much now as it did when I first found out our search was delayed in December. In February for the orientation it will be nice because we might actually know where we're moving by then, so that would be awesome.  We're lucky in that since we chose a nationwide agency, we can move wherever the heck we want and it doesn't matter.

I don't know if it's because of the cold lately or what, but I have been ridiculously thirsty. Last night at class, I drank a whole 52oz of water over 2 hours. Madness. I wake up completely parched as well. Oh well. I'll just keep drinking fluids and hope for the best I suppose.

All Something and No Sleep Makes Something Something

Hubbs and I thought it would be a good idea to stay up till 5am. I swear we tried going to bed at a semi-decent hour. I spent well over half an hour laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, not even remotely tired.

This would have been fine if I didn't have to get up and sub at 8am today. Let's just say I am amazed I actually managed to make it through the whole day teaching. I guess somewhere in there I got my second wind and tumbled through the rest of the day.

I've been applying to any job I can find in the shipbuilding industry, and just today, remembered about the railway industry as well! Go me. So I applied to about seven more jobs all across the country and am sitting back, hoping for some good news.

I took about a three hour nap, but probably should have woken up at the 2 hour mark when I was all refreshed and ready to go, because now I'm feeling a bit sluggish and sleepy again. Oh well, hopefully this means that when I get home from class tonight around 8:45, I can just plop down and pass the heck out for the rest of the night.

I subbed for 6th graders today and they were a little bit annoying. Here, 6th grade is actually the last grade in elementary school, which I find extremely weird. The pretty much wouldn't shut up and really didn't want to do the work that was assigned to them for the day. Trust me, I knew how they felt. lol. With me though, the lesson plan gets followed and that's that. Teachers like it, students, not so much.

I definitely wish I could just skip class tonight, it's never a good idea to mess around with industrial machinery when you're as tired as I am. Maybe I'll just study for my certification test and then head out early. At this point I still have 2 welds left but I should definitely be finished by the end of the week, when I'll have to take the certification test anyway. Studying sounds like the best idea.

Wings and Wins

I hope all of you had a great weekend. I'd also like to extend a warm welcome to my new readers, WELCOME! lol. 

Hubbs is very into the Seahawks, he loves them something fierce, so today we went to Buffalo Wild Wings to catch the tail end of my Ravens game and all of his Seahawks game. I'm secretly hoping for a Ravens/Seahawks Super Bowl, but I doubt we'll get that lucky.It was pretty fun. Lots of yelling at the screen, cheering, and delicious wings that yes, I eat with a knife and fork because I hate getting my hands dirty. I was kind of bummed though that he seemed more excited about the first 4th quarter TD than he gets about having sexytimes... lol.

Anyways, tomorrow begins the first full week back at school for both of us, and a few days of subbing for me. I'm really going to try to be good and not stay up till 4am like I did last night. >.<

I've been applying to a lot of jobs over the last month or so. I have a dream job that luckily has a few openings. So far I've applied to five. One in England, one in San Diego, and the other 3 in Virginia. Hubbs and I are seriously hoping and praying that I get at least one. lol. There's a 6th opening up in the next few weeks, which would be a better location, but we're open to moving anywhere to kick off my new career. Wish us luck, we're gonna need it. They jobs are highly competitive and at this point, I'm pretty sure my only advantage is that I have boobs, which honestly, in this line of work, is a HUGE advantage.

Gonna spend the rest of the evening playing some WoW and finishing it up with some reading in bed. Pretty sure that's the best way to end a weekend.

Infuriating Comments

So this was not said to me, and thank goodness, because I seriously would have opened a can of whoop-ass on whoever had the nerve to say such a thing to me.

One of my very best friends, who has been married 6 months longer than Hubbs and me, is apparently told by people on a regular basis that by not having kids yet, they are being "greedy and lazy" SERIOUSLY.

First of all, you don't know someone's situation, so never ever even remotely think of saying anything like this to anyone. For people like me, who for the most part keep their IF struggles a secret, that is one of the most insulting things you can say. You have no idea that we, at one point, were literally saving up money to be able to afford our IF treatments. That we were actively trying every single cycle, scheduling sexytimes, taking temps every single fricking morning and waking up at an ungodly hour, even on weekends, to keep my temps consistent. Call me greedy and lazy now douchebag!

There have been a few times even in our own families where the kid question has been brought up. My parents have wanted grandchildren forever, like, when I was in high school... I think mostly because they realized it would be a very long time before my brother gave them grand-kids. Once I actually got married though and was in a position to possibly give them grand-kids, they slowed their roll and were like "you should wait and just enjoy being together." Shocking to me that they would prefer their collegiate daughter dropped out of school and live in their basement with their grand-baby over their married daughter and her husband announcing a pregnancy. Interesting. Hubbs' family on the other hand, despite having 7 grandchildren already, are all about the pressuring us into having kids. The joke is on them though! Apparently my father-in-law believes that I don't want kids or something and am holding Hubbs back from having any. Hilariousness. I think this is because after I witnessed the birth of their 7th grandchild, and I was traumatized by the idea of birthing anything from my lady-bizness, I voiced this opinion openly when they were in town. My bad. Trust me though, if we are ever going to be parents, you can bet your ass we'll be shouting it from the mountaintops and everyone will know, you don't have to keep asking.

I just don't get it. Sure, when you first meet me, ask if I have any kids to figure out if our kids can have playdates or something.... but once you find out I don't have any, don't ask WHEN I'm gonna have some! The real answer to that question is I have no fricking idea and it's not for a lack of trying. Sure we may never get pregnant on our own, sure we may never be able to afford whatever fertility treatment might work for us, sure we may never get chosen as adoptive parents.... These are possibilities that weigh on me a lot, not every day, thankfully... These possibilities are no longer soul crushing and constantly at the forefront of my mind. I've learned to just kick back and enjoy the time Hubbs and I have now as just the two of us, three if you count our furbaby, which, let's face it, he and I do. Maybe we will never get to be parents, but at least we'll be able to say we tried.

The Joy of Subbing

I know there are those kinds of subs out there who don't really care, read a book all day, and generally ignore the students. I am not one of those subs. I follow the lesson plan, try to learn the kids' names, and try to have fun with them. Today I was subbing for Preschool Special Ed. I did not know that existed before today, but apparently it does. We had fun singing songs and playing and learning all day.

Every time I sub I come home with fond memories and a happy heart. I'm glad I have this job, even though it's only a few days a week, sometimes just a half day, there's always at least one kid in the class who touches my heart. Subbing really is awesome.

Hubbs and I are having a mini date night tonight. We're going to a sandwich place for dinner we've been wanting to try then who knows what else. Probably just coming home and playing video games. lol. We're also going out Sunday to Buffalo Wild Wings to catch some playoff action. Hubbs is totally obsessed because his team just might go all the way. It's always fun to watch him get so ridiculously into the game. I'm mostly in it for the wings and fried pickles.

This morning was FREEZING, like for serious. Some Canadian and Swedish friends have already made fun of my for thinking 2°F is cold... but dangit it is! I had to scrape ice off of the INSIDE of my car's windshield. That is cold I say!

I've been reading a lot of library books lately and have gotten super annoyed at all of the weak and pathetic lead female characters. Seriously authors, would it kill you to have a strong female lead? Maybe that's why I love my main character for my book so much, she's a warrior and not some helpless thing just waiting for a man to come long and save her. I really should get to writing a bit more of that, or at least editing it. Slamming out 50,000 words in 30 days for NaNoWriMo really kind of burnt me out. I'll get to it eventually, especially if the sub jobs keep being so few and far between.

Back to Reality

Well I'd like to say that I was all pukey last night because Hubbs and I finally managed to create a tiny human, but alas, that is not the case. Yet another BFN graces me with its presence.  Today is lucky CD68! Wow, these things are seriously just getting longer and longer. Maybe I'll have another 90+ day cycle to look forward to. A small part of me was totally hoping for a New Year's miracle. Oh well, maybe next year.

I know that it is possible for IF couples to conceive on their own, without treatment, the last statistic I read on it said 40%, which seems crazy high. For now though, that's what Hubbs and I are doing, we're just hoping for the best and leaving it up to the universe.  

Tonight I go back to school and tomorrow I'm subbing. Lately the only jobs I've been able to get are with the special ed departments, but I'm kind of a fan. You're never the only adult there, you're actually kind of subbing for an aide and one of the aides takes over the role of teacher for the day. It's really fun and all of those kids are so sweet.

The last few weeks I've had bags under my eyes and I feel so very tired all of the time. My neck is killing me, my toe is still broken and my ankle is still all sore and bruised from my scooter crash a few weeks ago, but morale is high, so that's good. lol.

School will be nice because I'm almost finished with my first welding process. I've got 2 welds left followed by my certification test, but I'm sure I'll finish them quickly. I'm excited because this will open up a whole new world of job possibilities for me. I'm still waiting to hear back from the dream job, but it will be good to get some actual welding work experience done in the mean time.

 

Vomity Grossness

Today started out fine, I slept in until around 1pm and fiddled around with video games. I saw Pitch Perfect at the $1 theater and totally loved it. I stopped by the library to pick up some new books and return some DVD's that refused to play on my xbox 360. I threw dinner in the crock pot and even made Hubbs a special dessert. About half an hour or so after dessert I started to feel a bit queasy and then promptly puked my brains out.

Seriously, like projectile shooting out of my face-hole vomit. It was super gross. I don't have a fever or anything, but I am dragging my ass to bed right now. lol. I'm just glad I remembered to post today so I can still say that I've posted every day so far this year. Here's to hoping I'm better tomorrow because vacation is now over and I have to go back to school tomorrow night.  

New Year, New Hopes

Last year was an interesting mix of failures, new beginnings, and some really random things, it's hard to remember everything that happened, because my short term memory pretty much sucks. That's one of the reasons I'm really glad that I blog. All of the exciting, heck, even boring little things sometimes make it in, and if I want to remember what happened last year, I can just go back, and read about it. Hurray for blogging. This year I shall endeavor to do so more, and actually, for one, post every single day in a month... I really have high hopes for February. lol.

Looking back over 2012, it was pretty crazy. We tried a few clomid cycles and failed epically, for a while there, even just the sight of babies and their cute little faces made me start sobbing uncontrollably. Those were good times. lol. Jobs and friends came and went. Hubbs and I got older and grew closer together.

At the moment I have two applications in for the dream job with two different companies, come this month or next, I'll put in two more. This year holds a whole new set of possibilities for us. If I get one of these four potential jobs, we'll be moving somewhere new and exciting. Each month won't be a financial struggle, we might even buy a house! I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it would be super great if just once, our plans for the future actually worked out.

In February, we're going to the adoption orientation at our chosen agency so there's that to look forward to as well.

I know that every day, technically, can be the start of a whole new life, but the start of the new year just feels so much more magical. The whole year is in front of you and anything can happen. I'm choosing to welcome all of the possibilities with open arms and hope for something great.

So Happy New Year, world! Bring it on!