Keto Week 2 Weigh In

I only lost one pound this week, which I guess I can't be too sad about. It's a decent average for most people, and really isn't bad considering that most people stall on week 2 and don't lose anything. Tiny victory for me, still hoping next week I put up bigger numbers though. If I only lose one pound a week, that means we have to wait a year before we try for our rainbow baby.

Week 1 Keto Weigh In

Well trust readers, I weighed in today. I'm sure a good majority of the weight was in water, but in one week of eating Keto, I'm down 8.5 lbs! Eeeek! At this point, I've lost all of the baby weight and am nearing my lowest pre-pregnancy Primal/Paleo weight! Hurray for me!
I thought I was a little crazy for trying to give up the delicious carbs cold turkey, but it really hasn't been terrible so far. I'm conscious to read labels before I buy/eat anything, and make sure that the macro ratios are good. I'm feeling good, feeling excited, and looking forward to sharing in the rest of this weight-loss journey with you guys.

Lazy Rainy Day Picture Post

Today I am feeling lazy and sleepy. It could be a combination of going to bed too late last night and keto flu. Either way, here are some lazy pictures of mountains and clouds and pretty things from the rainy days we've been having here.

Bob Ross and Crafty Things

I'm not sure what it is about him. Perhaps it's his soothing voice, or the way he delicately explains what he's doing with each brush-stroke or that he says reassuring things like "you have to make the big decision here" and "it's your world, you can put whatever you like in it", but I am just transfixed. If you don't know who Bob Ross is, he had a public access painting show called "The Joy of Painting" and most (if not all) of the episodes are on YouTube. Here's one from this week that wowed me.

In trying to think of ways to otherwise preoccupy myself other than eating, I think painting might be a good one. Obviously it's not very practical for when at work, but I think it's something I would like to do none the less. I've also picked out a few coloring books for adults and colored pencils that I think I'll take quick little breaks with here and there when I feel the urge to eat. Art has always relaxed me, even though I'm not good at it. Pretty much any activity that requires the use of my hands in a craft-type fashion.

I built the rabbit hutch, I've put puzzles together, sewed a plush companion cube and pair of fuzzy dice companion cubes, in college I built beer pong tables. I like to create things with my hands, which is why for a while there, I dabbled in welding as a potential profession. The fumes and hot slag in your eyes though really cuts down on the enjoyment of joining metals together. Crafty creations I think is the general area in which I will choose to apply my free time. I think that's why I enjoy tending to my succulents as well. I cut, propagate, arrange, and fiddle with all of my little succulent plants. I started out with 6 total, just in the small pots, and have multiplied that several times over now. Hell, I turned one aloe plant into at least 20, sure they're not huge yet, but they are distinct separate plants (and great for sunburn too).

Willpower

I'm sure it's because it's only day two of our "lifestyle change" and I've got a motivational high going on but I've resisted both free donuts at the office and my favorite pizza food truck parked outdide. I am seriously so proud of myself. Now I just need to keep it up for tomorrow and the day after that and so on and so forth. 

Keto Day 1

Well, I've made it through the first day of Keto. It had some advantages in that I felt nauseated all day, left work early, and didn't eat anything until around 1pm.
My goal is to eat 5% carbs, 20% protein and 75% fat. I'd say I got pretty close to that today.

 

This is just the first step in another very long journey, but I am hopeful and feeling positive, which is definitely a good thing. I stocked up on Primalized Keto goodies on my way home and definitely have enough in the snack department that I won't feel like I'm "dieting" while at work. 

I'm still supposed to be thinking up different options for when I feel the need to comfort stuff my face with terrible food. I do feel good though that I resisted the urge today to eat the candy bar still in my work desk, or swing by Little Caesar's on my way home and demolish an entire pizza by myself. I know that the first few weeks are always the hardest until you get in to the groove of everything. I really hope I can stick to it. 

When Hubbs and I started Primal (aka Paleo with dairy) last year, we were off to a pretty good start. Both of us have just stalled though. Me through not following the rules, and him just because I think he's close enough to his goal weight that it's harder for it to come off now. 

Last year, I weighed 299 lbs, even after a pregnancy, I managed to get down to 269 lbs at my lowest. Since Lumpy died and I shoveled whatever food I could find in to my face, I've gained back some and currently weigh 281 lbs. This leaves me with about 100 to go. Remember though, I'm going to try to relish the small victories, and as long as the number consistently goes down, I'll be happy. I think I'll celebrate every 10lbs as a milestone and share with all of you in my small victories. 

I was thinking about posting a before picture (which I did take today), but I'm going to wait until there is some progress before posting one. It's always nice to have a side-by-side comparison. 

Here's the progress from when we did Primal. As you can see, he got way thinner than I did. His loss covers 3 months, mine is a year. I got pregnant about 3 months in, so he started taking pictures alone.

Goals and Rewards

Well AF has arrived yet again and I am definitely not pregnant. Oe thing that got me thinking is that even though we've given ourselves a time-frame for baby #3, that perhaps we should wait until I'm at a healthier weight. We've been planning for a few weeks to switch from a Primal diet, to a Keto diet. Primal was good, Hubbs had great results, but my loss was significantly slower. Over the last 2 weeks or so, I've gained quite a bit back.
Starting tomorrow, we are moving to a primal diet, with keto ratios. It's going to be hard, and but hopefully I can stick to it. I'm just tired of being huge and miserable. I plan on taking some before pics tomorrow, but I'll wait until there's an after to share them.
So the goal is that once I've lost 50lbs, we can start trying to have another baby. I'd lost 29 from when we'd started Primal, but since Lumpy died, I've gained 14 back. I have a lot more than 50 to lose based on my height/frame/etc, but 50 will be the halfway point and I hope to be significantly healthier once I get there.
Good luck to us!

Negative

I took a pregnancy test for funsies today. I don't have many of my typical pregnancy symptoms, but I've just been feeling off. AF isn't due for another few days, so it easily could have been a false negative from testing too early.

I have to admit though, I was really disappointed that it was negative. As I was waiting for the window to display the results, I was saying to myself "It's going to be negative, and that's ok". I still just felt kind of crushed when it actually was.

A few years ago when Hubbs and I were trying so hard and getting negatives month after month, you start to dread even POAS because you just know it's going to be negative even though you want that positive so badly.

I know that I tested early, but I really was hoping for a BFP. AF is due Saturday, so I'll just wait until then, or knowing my luck, it will start in about 30 mins, which always seems to happen when I bother taking a test.

Going to have to wait a little longer for our Rainbow.

Random Bouts of Sadness

Today marks four months since Lumpy passed away. I'm not sure if it's the anniversary or because lady time is due over the weekend, but I have been fighting back the tears all day. Luckily, work got busy enough that I was able to distract myself, but for the most part, today was really hard. Hoping for a slightly better tomorrow.

Ruminations on Vacations

My recent "vacation" definitely made me realize a few things...

1. Blogging on a phone sucks. 9/10 would not recommend.

2. Traveling anywhere, for any length of time, with a toddler is so tiring.

3. Non-baby-proofed grandparent's houses are a toddler death-trap. Practice hyper-vigilance.

4. Nothing is better than sleeping in your own bed after several days away from it.

5. Clouds during sunsets are pretty (Thanks to Hubbs for manning the camera while I drove).

Vacation

Omg I'd typed this huge long draft on my phone and it didn't autosave. Lame.

I failed at blogging yesterday because we were in a huge rush after work to get on the road. We spent 6 hours driving down to my parents' house, which naturally, Ducky hated. She's normally so good if we leave right before her usual bedtime, but now that she's so routine-focused, I think it confused and angered her.

I will try my best to post while we're here. We're sticking around until Labor Day, so it might be a bit of a challenge. I'll make it work.

New Starts

I've mentioned this before, but I like the start of a new month. New week, new day, new year, any occasion to get a fresh start. With blogging it's because I inevitably failed to blog every day the month before and always promise to try to do better in this shiny new month.

Every day now I wake up and wonder if today is the day I'll feel less like that lady whose son died and more like myself. I hope that day comes, but it hasn't yet. It's been almost four months and I am amazed at how little time has gone by, but to me, it feels like so much time has gone by. I had a baby four months ago, my incision has healed nicely and thanks to my fat roll, you can't even see it. I feel it though. It's like a little itch that I can't scratch, a solemn reminder of the events that transpired.

Every once in a while, when Ducky does something new and adorable, it still makes me want to cry. I put on a brave face for her and give her a hug and stall my tears in their tracks. It makes me feel so guilty that seeing her thrive gives me pangs of sadness.

Hubbs and I have been talking about no longer actively stopping the potential for getting pregnant again (aka stopping birth control and just seeing what happens). We're going for it, it's exciting and scary, but hopefully it all works out. We decided to give ourselves four years after Ducky was born to have another child. We did that, but think it would be nice to actually be able to raise another one. We're sticking to the same timeline, so we have 2.5 years from now to have our last child.

Welcome to the new readers, hello to the long-time listeners. When I started this blog four years ago (Happy Belated Bloggiversary to me), I never imagined that I would be where I am now and experienced an insane roller-coaster of life in that short time. This blog is a little random and sometimes repetetive, now that it's no longer about infertility and more about life in general, it tends to jump around a bit. I hope that somewhere in the medley, you find a something that speaks to you, a common thread that we share. Welcome (and welcome back) to my corner of the land of IF and I hope you'll stick around and join in this journey with me.