Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

We had always just assumed we would have a boy. When I was younger, I swore that I never wanted to have a girl. I was so much of a tomboy and such a non-typical girl, that I had no idea what I would do with a girl. All boys for me, I said!

Since getting pregnant though, I always felt that Ducky was a girl. We'd had a girl name picked out for years and kept rifling through boy ones. At the ultrasound, after Ducky finally cooperated, I was like "I KNEW IT!".

I'm excited for bows and cute little dresses every once in a while. I'm worried that she'll probably be as tall as me, if not taller, and how much it sucks to be the tallest person in the class for the majority of class photos.I want her to always feel beautiful and worthy and to reassure her that she deserves to be loved. That she is more than just her looks and that she brings a lot to the table.

I have this dress that is a one-of-a-kind design from one of my parents designer friends from back in the day. I wore it to my brother's Bar Mitzvah when I was 3. I always had a secret dream that one day, I would have a daughter to pass it down to. Even if it's just for playing "dress up" it's a gorgeous dress. Somewhere we'll put a side-by-side of both of us wearing it.

I want her to find something that she excels at, and loves fiercely. I played a lot of sports, and was above average at all of them. Softball was my kick-ass territory though. I still have the school record for highest batting average (.720) and was recruited by several colleges. An elbow injury kind of sidelined that for me, because I could either keep playing or feel below my right elbow. I chose the feeling. I don't care if it's a sport, music, or art, whatever it is, I hope she loves it and rocks it.

My mother and I don't have the best relationship, and her mother was a complete and absolute nightmare. I'll just say that literally no one cried when that woman left this earth. I don't know if it's because I was adopted, or because my mother really wasn't that present or attentive. I've never felt a connection to her. I was predominately raised by nannies and both of my parents were workaholics. I so envied all of my friends whose mother's stayed home, or picked them up from schoool, or actually seemed nurturing and loving.

I look at my Eldest Sister-In-Law and her four kids and that's the kind of mother I want to be. She is there for them, encourages them, and while I'm sure it's not easy, she is doing a great job with them.

I hope that twerking is a thing of the past by the time she's in school, and fear greatly for whatever thing replaces it. I hope she will be strong enough to make her own decisions, and not just do something because her friends or a celebrity thinks it's cool.

I'm looking forward to meeting this daughter of mine, and hope that we raise her well. I'm excited for the challenges and joys that raising a daughter brings. I know I won't be a perfect mother, because there is no such thing. I think the fact that I worry about whether I will be a good parent means that I will be at least a decent one.