14 Weeks 20 Weeks
So fat. At least now it's a good 20% baby, lol. Anyway.
I've had some pretty terrifying nightmares over the last few days. I'm trying not to let anxiety get the better of me. I feel like things will go a lot smoother after the anatomy scan on Wednesday. If anything is wrong, we'll find out and if everything is fine, we'll be nicely reassured.
All I have to do now is wait and hope for the best, I guess. Stressing more isn't going to do great things for my blood pressure, which is already wonky and unpredictable. It's not in the danger zone or anything yet, it's just being closely monitored from visit to visit.
I haven't heard back about my glucose test yet, so I'm hoping that means everything was fine with it. Getting the dreaded diabeetus would not be ideal.
I ordered some super spiffy new glasses, which I am very excited about. My vision got a teeny bit worse, and apparently, over the course of this pregnancy, could potentially get worse or better. Very odd. I scored frames with anti-reflective lenses, a pair of polarized clip-on sunglasses to match, and shipping all for $20. LOVE IT! I got them at Zenni Optical let's see if I love them as much once they arrive.
Should I be worried that my baby shower is in 3 weeks and NO ONE has gotten anything off of our registry? Are they ignoring it? Are they just not getting us stuff? Babies need things! Lots of things! Granted, we've gotten a lot of hand-me-downs from Hubbs' eldest sister, and she has a box full of clothes for us somewhere. But no diapers, no crib, no onesies! It will be a winter baby, it will need clothes, not like those fancy summer babies that can just get away with wearing nothing but diapers all the time. I'm sure I'm worried about nothing as always. 3 weeks is plenty of time for shipping and stuff... bah, it's really not.
It is weird that I am still so reluctant to believe we're really going to have a baby? I have this defense mechanism, where I think things won't work out, so I don't get too disappointed when they don't, or I get doubly excited when they do. We've reached 20 weeks, some part of me should believe that we really will get a whole, live baby at the end of this, but the majority of me still doubts. I want everything to work out so badly, but I'm afraid of letting myself believe that it will. We're keeping the name secret because I don't want to jinx it. I don't even use her name when I talk to her, I still just call her "baby" or "Ducky". Anyone else ever have this problem? Maybe once I get to the point where she actually kicks, and I don't have those phantom, "wait, was that a kick?" moments, it will be easier to relax about everything. Here's to hoping those start soon.
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