Next Week

Well, I went two weeks without posting, guess I'm just a big fat liar then. I'll try to be better.

I'm still pregnant. I occasionally pee on sticks, I've turned in to one of those crazy pregnant women who refuses to believe that things are going well. I have more symptoms than I had with the MMC last time, but I'm not sure if that's because of the progesterone or because things are progressing well.

Next week is my first appointment and I'm dreading it and yet can't wait for it to get here. I just want to know if everything is ok or if I need to prepare myself for bad news again. I planned it so that I should be about 7 weeks along. If we go by LMP, I should be 8 weeks today, but if we go by the positive OPKs and the BFPs, I think I'm closer to 6 weeks. I've been two weeks behind or more with the last 3, so it's fair to assume I'll follow suit this time.

Hubbs and I are actually talking about names and possibilities, we've told Ducky and I think she understands the concept. I guess it's a little crazy now that I realize she's not even two and a half yet and I'm pregnant for the 3rd time since she was born. That's kind of insane. On a pregnancy streak since 2013... I so hope this is the last one. Two is a nice number. There are enough hands for you to wrangle them by yourself. There's a nice one-on-one ratio for outings. Seeing my SiL's with many more than two might have jaded us a bit, but it seems like a wise idea to not let the children outnumber you.

I'll keep you posted after the appointment next week. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's pretty hard some times. I just want to be excited and happy and enjoy the nausea, dizziness, and obnoxiously early RLP, but the pessimist in me just doubts so hard that things will work out the way I desperately want them to. I have flashbacks to Lumpy and the worry and that complete feeling of helplessness. Flashbacks to December when we thought we got our Christmas miracle only to have it snatched away a few weeks later.

I know that every pregnancy is different. It's a totally different genetic scenario and anything is possible. I'll relax for hopefully a little bit once we pass all of the milestones, heartbeat, anatomy scan, full term, take-home baby. Even then I'm sure I will worry, but I just long for those moments when you hold your baby close and know that everything is perfect and wonderful and right in your little world.