Saturday, September 28, 2013

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

We had always just assumed we would have a boy. When I was younger, I swore that I never wanted to have a girl. I was so much of a tomboy and such a non-typical girl, that I had no idea what I would do with a girl. All boys for me, I said!

Since getting pregnant though, I always felt that Ducky was a girl. We'd had a girl name picked out for years and kept rifling through boy ones. At the ultrasound, after Ducky finally cooperated, I was like "I KNEW IT!".

I'm excited for bows and cute little dresses every once in a while. I'm worried that she'll probably be as tall as me, if not taller, and how much it sucks to be the tallest person in the class for the majority of class photos.I want her to always feel beautiful and worthy and to reassure her that she deserves to be loved. That she is more than just her looks and that she brings a lot to the table.

I have this dress that is a one-of-a-kind design from one of my parents designer friends from back in the day. I wore it to my brother's Bar Mitzvah when I was 3. I always had a secret dream that one day, I would have a daughter to pass it down to. Even if it's just for playing "dress up" it's a gorgeous dress. Somewhere we'll put a side-by-side of both of us wearing it.

I want her to find something that she excels at, and loves fiercely. I played a lot of sports, and was above average at all of them. Softball was my kick-ass territory though. I still have the school record for highest batting average (.720) and was recruited by several colleges. An elbow injury kind of sidelined that for me, because I could either keep playing or feel below my right elbow. I chose the feeling. I don't care if it's a sport, music, or art, whatever it is, I hope she loves it and rocks it.

My mother and I don't have the best relationship, and her mother was a complete and absolute nightmare. I'll just say that literally no one cried when that woman left this earth. I don't know if it's because I was adopted, or because my mother really wasn't that present or attentive. I've never felt a connection to her. I was predominately raised by nannies and both of my parents were workaholics. I so envied all of my friends whose mother's stayed home, or picked them up from schoool, or actually seemed nurturing and loving.

I look at my Eldest Sister-In-Law and her four kids and that's the kind of mother I want to be. She is there for them, encourages them, and while I'm sure it's not easy, she is doing a great job with them.

I hope that twerking is a thing of the past by the time she's in school, and fear greatly for whatever thing replaces it. I hope she will be strong enough to make her own decisions, and not just do something because her friends or a celebrity thinks it's cool.

I'm looking forward to meeting this daughter of mine, and hope that we raise her well. I'm excited for the challenges and joys that raising a daughter brings. I know I won't be a perfect mother, because there is no such thing. I think the fact that I worry about whether I will be a good parent means that I will be at least a decent one. 

Monday, September 23, 2013

This Time, it Really is a....

Well, Baby was a teeny bit more inclined to cooperate this time, and then tech was 95% sure that it's a GIRL!
I pretty much always felt like it was a girl, but we would have been ok either way. At least now we can stop trying to narrow down our boy name list. We'll have to save that for the next time around, just in case. We've had our girl name picked for a while. I'm not really telling anyone or using it with the baby yet, because we'll have to wait and see once she pops out if she looks like her name or not. We have a back-up just in case.
We're going to reveal the gender at the baby shower in a month. Family and friends still have no idea what it is, which I like. I don't really want it influencing any gift choices. Now it's nice that our hand-me-down car-seat is pink though. She'll have one pink thing that will just be hers. Everything else will hopefully make it to kid #2. Assuming we're lucky enough to get miraculously pregnant again.
18 weeks, so far everything with the baby looks good. I have my anatomy scan in 3 weeks because there's still some iffy-ness as to my due date. The first estimate was Feb 18th going by LMP, then March 1st when they measured with the first ultrasound, the current guess is Feb. 23rd. Jumping around all over the place. Hubbs will be happy as long as it doesn't pop out during the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty sure this baby is going to be huge, so even the current due date may be an over-estimate. We'll see.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

It's a....

We still have no clue!! Baby refused to cooperate and the tech seriously couldn't tell a thing! It kept crossing its legs and straddling its umbilical cord. We're going to try again next week.

In 5 weeks we have the scary ultrasound. The one where they go over every inch of your baby and make sure it has all of the organs and limbs and features it's supposed to. Kind of nervous about that one.

They also checked the heartbeat and it's still going strong at around 158bpm. Apparently my uterus is the gigantic size it's supposed to be as well, so everything still looks good.

We've declined genetic screening and the other tests they run. My family history is a mystery, and anything that pops up we'd just rather be surprised by. We want to make this pregnancy enjoyable and as stress-free as possible. Knowing there's a problem ahead of time would just stress me way too much.

Also, I'm down 20lbs since finding out about the little duck. Pretty ridiculous that I spent all of this time trying to lose weight and all I had to do was get knocked up. I'm sure the weight will start piling back on any week now.

These are the last few weeks before I really start to get big. I mean, I was bigger to begin with, but I mean noticeably pregnant and not just chubby. Perhaps I'll even start posting belly pics. BELLY PICS!

Monday, September 9, 2013

Chin Bunnies

My best friend in college had an aunt that called them "Chin Bunnies". They're the long randomly dark hairs that sprout around the place. Well, I keep finding them on my chin, yesterday I found 2 on my "moustache". This whole hair overgrowth thing just needs to stop it. I wish the hair on top of my head would pick up the pace, it's barely growing at all.

2 days until we find out what it is!! My money is on a girl, but we'll see.

In other news, our apartment reeks to high heaven. It is the stinkiest, grossest smelling thing ever. It's like a moldy swamp mated with a stagnant freshwater lake. I'm trying to air it out with the fan they're using to try to dry the carpet, but it's not working. They're going to rip up the carpet and replace the pads, then bring the carpet cleaners in, hopefully by the weekend.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The Great "Flood" of 2013

Our apartment flooded yesterday. Typically, where we live doesn't get monsoons... apparently the city was not prepared. Our patio is about 3.5 feet below ground level, and only has one drain. A drain that definitely got clogged after a few leaves and whatever else go in the way. The water level just kept rising and rising until eventually, it was about 3 inches up on the glass to our patio door. I took this pic before it got really bad.

You can't really tell, but at this point, it's a good 4 inches deep. I recruited a couple of neighbors to help Hubbs bail it out. By the end of it, our living room carpet got soaked about halfway to the kitchen. So that was fun. Right now there's a giant fan blowing it dry, but it doesn't really seem to be helping much. We also lost power for a few hours, but that wasn't so bad. It was a nice little flashback to monsoon season back when I lived in Arizona and Nevada.

Wednesday we find out what little Ducky is. I still think it's a girl, but we'll see. We're still planning on revealing it to everyone at the baby shower, but I think perhaps you'll get a little sneak peak. We really need to start getting serious about the whole name thing, and knowing what it is will help with that.

I'm a little overwhelmed by the whole registry thing. What we actually need vs what we think we need and generally being completely lost. I think I've come up with a pretty good one though. It's mostly white onesies in varying sizes and sleeve lengths, and a bunch of those wearable blanket things.

How have 16 weeks gone by so quickly? Before I know it, this whole pregnancy will be halfway over. 9 months seems like such a long time, but it's hardly any time at all. I'm going to try to sign up for one of those parenting classes, so they teach me the basics. Hubbs has a lot of experience at this point from babysitting our niece, but I feel wholly unprepared.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

2 years

August came and went and I didn't even realize it was my blog-iversary! That's a word, right? Anyway, two seemingly long years ago I started this blog about my infertility diagnosis. It became a place for me to vent my frustration at the whole situation in general, sometimes at Hubbs, sometimes at the world.

It just was a safe place for me to be sad, angry, depressed, hopeful, and frightened. Hopefully someone would read it and feel that they weren't alone in their struggles.

Two years later I am one of the women I'd hope I'd be. One of the "success stories", one of the 44% who magically get pregnant on their own after struggling with IF, treatment failures, and/or giving up hope.

I hit the 15 week mark on Sunday. It's weird, sometimes I actually have to remind myself that I'm pregnant and sometimes I feel it acutely. I'm terrified and excited and in a place where I desperately wanted to be for so long, and then for a brief moment, wasn't sure I even wanted to be.

Here we are now with this magical little miracle baby on the way and hoping everything works out for the best. I'm hope you'll follow along this month and join in this next stage of this journey with us, when "IF" became "yes" and "when" became "now".