Friday, October 23, 2015


I've been sabotaging my weight loss all month.  I'm not sure what's wrong with me.  The food I'm cheating with isn't even good, I just shovel it in my face and regret it afterwards. 

I talked to my therapist about it yesterday.  I think part of me is afraid to lose the weight. I've been fat for so long, it's just been easier that way.

This morning I resisted the temptation of bad foods. I think I'll just start telling myself that I don't need that.  I might want it,  but I don't need it.  If I don't start today,  I'll look back weeks,  months from now and wish I'd started today. I'm going to take it one day, one meal,  one snack at a time.  Be good,  eat the things that fit in to my macros and if I slip up,  don't throw the rest of the day away,  just start again at the next meal/snack. I have control. I need to make the conscious decision to choose better foods.

35 more lbs to my first goal, which is a lot less than the 50 lbs it was just last month. I can do this.

Sunday, October 4, 2015


I made the mistake of getting popcorn at the movies today.  Hubbs was all "oh,  it won't be that bad,  just get a small and don't eat any other carbs for the day". While I was shoveling it in my face in the darkness of the theater, it was ok,  not good, not bad, just there.  Afterwards though, in the light of day,  I felt so incredibly nauseated.  I didn't even have room for dinner,  I just felt so gross. 
Lesson learned.  Do not cheat wirth carbs.

I also hadn't weighed myself since Wednesday because I was being naughty and weighing myself every day after the week 2 miserable 1lb loss... I was stupid and decided to weigh myself tonight.  Ugh.  Bad idea. Definitely not going to count it though until the official weigh in on Monday. 

In brighter news,  I did start learning how to crochet today.  I have 3 little flowers and 4 pathetic,  uneven squares to show efforts. Flowers are definitely easier,  I suck at counting my stitches. It's just day one though,  so hoping to get better with time and practice. 

Friday, October 2, 2015


I've decided I'm going to try to learn how to crochet.  I had a friend who taught me how to knit in high school, it's similar right?  That was many many years ago,  but I'm good at following directions.  I think one of those little starter books,  supplies, and YouTube videos will guide me just fine. 

I definitely spent to much time on Pinterest pinning adorable things I can learn to make.  Maybe I'll get super fancy down the road and learn to spin Thor's wool into yarn. Getting all ambitious up in here.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Cake Month and Keto

Well today starts my favorite month. It's birthday month (aka cake month), Halloween, the delightful crisp air with a hint of magic, the trees start to change color and everything just seems homey.
In a span of 5 weeks, our combined families have 6 birthdays, hence calling it cake month. This year will be tricky though, because Hubbs and I are so very low carb now. We're thinking about cheating with some low-carb cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory, but we'll see if it pans out. We'll forego trick-or-treating and handing out candy because the temptation will be pretty great. I think I'll still like this month though.

It's only been 2.5 weeks since we've started the low-carb, high-fat revolution in our house, and I have to say I've been impressed so far. It's really not that hard to hit the daily macros and I definitely don't feel hungry all the time. The scale shows numbers that aren't terrifying. I was at my heaviest probably right before I got pregnant with Ducky, and as of today, I am 30lbs down from that. Over around 13 of which has come off in the last 2.5 weeks. It's still going to be a while before I hit that 50lb goal, but 37 lbs seems more doable than 50 lbs. Maybe after all of these years I just needed to find the proper motivation to lose the weight. Babies are great motivators.

In other news, this month I find out if I got in to the college I applied to for the winter semester. (fingers crossed), and Hubbs has many new job possibilities on the horizon. He's testing for two different jobs next week that will definitely be a big step up for him, so I am nervous and excited, but I'm sure he will do well. The man got a 1560 on his SATs, I'm sure these tests are a cake-walk compared to that.

This month may also be a little difficult. It's almost 5 months since Lumpy passed away and almost a year since I got pregnant with him. I'm doing better with therapy and learning to express my feelings and learning to accept that emotions are ok. Sometimes, when you're hurt for a long time, you build up a huge wall to stop the bad feelings from coming in, but that wall also stops the healing feelings from coming out. I've been shielding myself from pain for so long that it's hard to allow myself to feel it and show that vulnerability, but I'm trying. I'm practicing actually letting the tears come instead of stopping them in their tracks.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Keto Week 2 Weigh In

I only lost one pound this week, which I guess I can't be too sad about. It's a decent average for most people, and really isn't bad considering that most people stall on week 2 and don't lose anything. Tiny victory for me, still hoping next week I put up bigger numbers though. If I only lose one pound a week, that means we have to wait a year before we try for our rainbow baby.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Week 1 Keto Weigh In

Well trust readers, I weighed in today. I'm sure a good majority of the weight was in water, but in one week of eating Keto, I'm down 8.5 lbs! Eeeek! At this point, I've lost all of the baby weight and am nearing my lowest pre-pregnancy Primal/Paleo weight! Hurray for me!
I thought I was a little crazy for trying to give up the delicious carbs cold turkey, but it really hasn't been terrible so far. I'm conscious to read labels before I buy/eat anything, and make sure that the macro ratios are good. I'm feeling good, feeling excited, and looking forward to sharing in the rest of this weight-loss journey with you guys.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Lazy Rainy Day Picture Post

Today I am feeling lazy and sleepy. It could be a combination of going to bed too late last night and keto flu. Either way, here are some lazy pictures of mountains and clouds and pretty things from the rainy days we've been having here.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Bob Ross and Crafty Things

I'm not sure what it is about him. Perhaps it's his soothing voice, or the way he delicately explains what he's doing with each brush-stroke or that he says reassuring things like "you have to make the big decision here" and "it's your world, you can put whatever you like in it", but I am just transfixed. If you don't know who Bob Ross is, he had a public access painting show called "The Joy of Painting" and most (if not all) of the episodes are on YouTube. Here's one from this week that wowed me.

In trying to think of ways to otherwise preoccupy myself other than eating, I think painting might be a good one. Obviously it's not very practical for when at work, but I think it's something I would like to do none the less. I've also picked out a few coloring books for adults and colored pencils that I think I'll take quick little breaks with here and there when I feel the urge to eat. Art has always relaxed me, even though I'm not good at it. Pretty much any activity that requires the use of my hands in a craft-type fashion.

I built the rabbit hutch, I've put puzzles together, sewed a plush companion cube and pair of fuzzy dice companion cubes, in college I built beer pong tables. I like to create things with my hands, which is why for a while there, I dabbled in welding as a potential profession. The fumes and hot slag in your eyes though really cuts down on the enjoyment of joining metals together. Crafty creations I think is the general area in which I will choose to apply my free time. I think that's why I enjoy tending to my succulents as well. I cut, propagate, arrange, and fiddle with all of my little succulent plants. I started out with 6 total, just in the small pots, and have multiplied that several times over now. Hell, I turned one aloe plant into at least 20, sure they're not huge yet, but they are distinct separate plants (and great for sunburn too).

Tuesday, September 15, 2015


I'm sure it's because it's only day two of our "lifestyle change" and I've got a motivational high going on but I've resisted both free donuts at the office and my favorite pizza food truck parked outdide. I am seriously so proud of myself. Now I just need to keep it up for tomorrow and the day after that and so on and so forth. 

Monday, September 14, 2015

Keto Day 1

Well, I've made it through the first day of Keto. It had some advantages in that I felt nauseated all day, left work early, and didn't eat anything until around 1pm.
My goal is to eat 5% carbs, 20% protein and 75% fat. I'd say I got pretty close to that today.

This is just the first step in another very long journey, but I am hopeful and feeling positive, which is definitely a good thing. I stocked up on Primalized Keto goodies on my way home and definitely have enough in the snack department that I won't feel like I'm "dieting" while at work. 
I'm still supposed to be thinking up different options for when I feel the need to comfort stuff my face with terrible food. I do feel good though that I resisted the urge today to eat the candy bar still in my work desk, or swing by Little Caesar's on my way home and demolish an entire pizza by myself. I know that the first few weeks are always the hardest until you get in to the groove of everything. I really hope I can stick to it. 

When Hubbs and I started Primal (aka Paleo with dairy) last year, we were off to a pretty good start. Both of us have just stalled though. Me through not following the rules, and him just because I think he's close enough to his goal weight that it's harder for it to come off now. 

Last year, I weighed 299 lbs, even after a pregnancy, I managed to get down to 269 lbs at my lowest. Since Lumpy died and I shoveled whatever food I could find in to my face, I've gained back some and currently weigh 281 lbs. This leaves me with about 100 to go. Remember though, I'm going to try to relish the small victories, and as long as the number consistently goes down, I'll be happy. I think I'll celebrate every 10lbs as a milestone and share with all of you in my small victories. 

I was thinking about posting a before picture (which I did take today), but I'm going to wait until there is some progress before posting one. It's always nice to have a side-by-side comparison. 

Here's the progress from when we did Primal. As you can see, he got way thinner than I did. His loss covers 3 months, mine is a year. I got pregnant about 3 months in, so he started taking pictures alone.