Monday, May 18, 2015


My son's funeral was Friday. Hubbs and I were talking about it and we really feel like it gave us some closure. We were able to say farewell to our son, surrounded by supportive friends and family. I still feel an ache in my heart when I wake up in the morning, but I don't weep. I'm able to remember my brief time with my son fondly and I will always treasure those memories. He was a beautiful baby and looked just like his big sister. I generally don't post much on here about my religious beliefs, but I have to believe that I will see my son again. It is simply too cruel to think that everything is just over. He is in a better place, and one day, I will see him again.

We're trying to come up with little ways to remember him. We had a little embroidered lovey/cuddle buddy/blankie kind of thing for him, which we have given to Ducky. I'd made a wooden letter name plaque for him to match Ducky's. We're thinking about adding some picture frames and putting a few of the better photos we have in them and hanging it in the living room.

It's an odd thing recovering from a C-section and not having a newborn with you. I'm actually sad about not having to get up in the middle of the night to feed a crying baby. I miss my big old pregnant belly, even though it didn't get as big as it should have. I kept putting off taking belly pics, so I think the last one I even have is from 16 weeks along.

I'm debating about when to go back to work. Since I just work at a desk, my Dr said I can go back whenever I want. I think I'll definitely ease back in rather than jump in. They gave me an extra 2 weeks of paid time off, which I think I will have used up by the end of this week. Perhaps I'll plan for trying to go back next week. Hubbs said it was helpful for him to go back to work, I'm sure it would be for me as well.

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