New Starts

I've mentioned this before, but I like the start of a new month. New week, new day, new year, any occasion to get a fresh start. With blogging it's because I inevitably failed to blog every day the month before and always promise to try to do better in this shiny new month.

Every day now I wake up and wonder if today is the day I'll feel less like that lady whose son died and more like myself. I hope that day comes, but it hasn't yet. It's been almost four months and I am amazed at how little time has gone by, but to me, it feels like so much time has gone by. I had a baby four months ago, my incision has healed nicely and thanks to my fat roll, you can't even see it. I feel it though. It's like a little itch that I can't scratch, a solemn reminder of the events that transpired.

Every once in a while, when Ducky does something new and adorable, it still makes me want to cry. I put on a brave face for her and give her a hug and stall my tears in their tracks. It makes me feel so guilty that seeing her thrive gives me pangs of sadness.

Hubbs and I have been talking about no longer actively stopping the potential for getting pregnant again (aka stopping birth control and just seeing what happens). We're going for it, it's exciting and scary, but hopefully it all works out. We decided to give ourselves four years after Ducky was born to have another child. We did that, but think it would be nice to actually be able to raise another one. We're sticking to the same timeline, so we have 2.5 years from now to have our last child.

Welcome to the new readers, hello to the long-time listeners. When I started this blog four years ago (Happy Belated Bloggiversary to me), I never imagined that I would be where I am now and experienced an insane roller-coaster of life in that short time. This blog is a little random and sometimes repetetive, now that it's no longer about infertility and more about life in general, it tends to jump around a bit. I hope that somewhere in the medley, you find a something that speaks to you, a common thread that we share. Welcome (and welcome back) to my corner of the land of IF and I hope you'll stick around and join in this journey with me.