Eyes and Teeth

I love going to a new dentist or a new optometrist for a few reasons, but mostly because of the compliments. lol. I have naturally straight teeth and have never had or needed braces or a retainer, or anything fun. As a kid, I was super jealous because all of my friends had one or both, and I felt left out not needing them.
Going to the optometrist is fun because they don't often come across Central Heterochromia often and they get to oogle my eyeballs. My husband always forgets if my eyes are blue or green, and technically, they are both. The new eye guy said he's come across it a couple of times over the last five years.

Sorry for the giant creepy eyes staring at you. I've got the ring of green around the middle, and the blue in the rest. Apparently this means I have the genes for both. Hubbs' eyes are a blue/gray and I'm very curious to see how our kid's eyes turn out.

Those are the kinds of things I've been thinking about lately. I hope she gets my teeth, because Hubbs' are atrocious. His parents could afford braces for the first three kids, but not the last three. It'd be nice not to have to save up thousands of dollars to get Ducky's teeth fixed several years down the line.

Hubbs is hoping Ducky gets his feet though. He's got these long, gangly toes. I've got these short, chubby toes with miniscule toenails. Seriously. The few times I've gone to get a pedicure, the ladies laugh and call all of their co-workers over. Sometimes they bust out the special "detail" brush and try to paint them that way. They get painfully long if they're more than millimeter or so. When I went to get my ingrown toenails removed (on the big toe, those are the only semi-normal ones) the podiatrist was like "hmmm, never seen that before" My magical body, stumping doctors since 19-something-something.

It's fun to guess and speculate though. I know Ducky will be tall. Hubbs and I both have short genes on our sides of the family, but we're both just so obnoxiously tall. Maybe she'll trick us all and be a shorty. 

I'm built a bit like a linebacker and am very chesty. I'm sure she'll inherit those. I however have a flat-pancake kind of butt and Hubbs has more um... bootyliciousness going on back there. lol. Which one will Ducky get? Who knows?

I'm starting to get excited for that part. I really want to meet this tiny person. My only blood relative that I've known. What will she look like? What kind of person will she be? Will she be laid back, stubborn, mischievous, kind? What will she want to be when she grows up? These are the things I can't wait to find out. It'll be nice to see how much is him, how much is me, and how much is all her.

20 Weeks

We're halfway there! It still feels pretty unreal. I'm definitely looking pregnant according to a bunch of people at this point. I think it helped that I had belly pooch to begin with. As promised, some belly pics.

     14 Weeks                                                                     20 Weeks

So fat. At least now it's a good 20% baby, lol. Anyway.

I've had some pretty terrifying nightmares over the last few days. I'm trying not to let anxiety get the better of me. I feel like things will go a lot smoother after the anatomy scan on Wednesday. If anything is wrong, we'll find out and if everything is fine, we'll be nicely reassured.
All I have to do now is wait and hope for the best, I guess. Stressing more isn't going to do great things for my blood pressure, which is already wonky and unpredictable. It's not in the danger zone or anything yet, it's just being closely monitored from visit to visit.
I haven't heard back about my glucose test yet, so I'm hoping that means everything was fine with it. Getting the dreaded diabeetus would not be ideal.

I ordered some super spiffy new glasses, which I am very excited about. My vision got a teeny bit worse, and apparently, over the course of this pregnancy, could potentially get worse or better. Very odd. I scored frames with anti-reflective lenses, a pair of polarized clip-on sunglasses to match, and shipping all for $20. LOVE IT! I got them at Zenni Optical let's see if I love them as much once they arrive.

Green plastic aviators... pimp-tastic. I'm feeling it. Seriously, so awesome.

Should I be worried that my baby shower is in 3 weeks and NO ONE has gotten anything off of our registry? Are they ignoring it? Are they just not getting us stuff? Babies need things! Lots of things! Granted, we've gotten a lot of hand-me-downs from Hubbs' eldest sister, and she has a box full of clothes for us somewhere. But no diapers, no crib, no onesies! It will be a winter baby, it will need clothes, not like those fancy summer babies that can just get away with wearing nothing but diapers all the time. I'm sure I'm worried about nothing as always. 3 weeks is plenty of time for shipping and stuff... bah, it's really not.

It is weird that I am still so reluctant to believe we're really going to have a baby? I have this defense mechanism, where I think things won't work out, so I don't get too disappointed when they don't, or I get doubly excited when they do. We've reached 20 weeks, some part of me should believe that we really will get a whole, live baby at the end of this, but the majority of me still doubts. I want everything to work out so badly, but I'm afraid of letting myself believe that it will. We're keeping the name secret because I don't want to jinx it. I don't even use her name when I talk to her, I still just call her "baby" or "Ducky". Anyone else ever have this problem? Maybe once I get to the point where she actually kicks, and I don't have those phantom, "wait, was that a kick?" moments, it will be easier to relax about everything. Here's to hoping those start soon.

Wednesday Randomness

Last night I legitimately wanted to go to bed at 8pm. I have no idea why I've been so tired lately. Heck, I'm ready for a nap right now. I managed to keep myself up till 10 reading in bed, but I'm fading fast over here.also last night, I made a funny while Hubbs and I were pillow talking. He knows I'm a Ravens fan and said "You hear that Joe Flacco threw 5 interceptions the other day?" and I replied "It's cause someone stole his mighty wings" and then we died laughing. I don't know if it was actually funny, or only funny because we were so tired, but those are the moments I love.
I went to the doctor today because I'd been having some pain near my belly button. They didn't check the baby or anything, which was kind of a bummer. I thought I felt the baby move once, but that was a few weeks ago. I've yet to feel anything definitive, hopefully soon though.
I guess I've got a bit of abdominal separation going on. There's some sort of fancy name for it. It hasn't developed into a hernia though, so that's good. Apparently I've just got to avoid any sudden movements and pay attention to any bulges that pop up in my middle. Let's hope it doesn't get to the point where I need surgery, because that sounds like it would suck.
My blood pressure was misbehaving again. When I first got to the office it was 158/88. A little later it had dropped down to 136/78. Still not great, I guess they're going to keep a closer eye on it from here on out.
The glucose test wasn't bad. That drink tasted super gross though. I had to resort back to my college days and basically chug that bad boy down. Here's to hoping I don't have to do the 3 hour one next. A work friend of mine had to and she said it was seriously awful.
I've decided that I need a pumpkin pie, like asap. We're going to buy one at Costco and seriously just work on it for the rest of the week. Pumpkin pie every day!! This is quite possibly the best idea I have ever had. I almost caved and got a pumpkin pie shake today, but it's just not the same. Cold, delicious pumpkin pie with flaky crust topped with a mountain of whipped cream. OM NOM NOM.
Hubbs' birthday is next week. I've got a nice evening planned for the 11th, but I still have no idea what to get him. He doesn't wear watches or cologne or anything. I'm lucky if he combs his hair every once in a while. Any suggestions? He's seriously just so hard to shop for!

Falling for Fall

Fall is my favorite time of year. I love when the leaves start to change and everything is blanketed in reds, oranges, and yellows. The air is crisp and clean and smells like the start of something new. Closer to Halloween, there's an electricity in the air and just fills me with a sense of comfort and a little bit of excitement. Best season ever.
October also begins "Cake Month" in my family. Well, technically, it started 2 weeks ago. Within the span of about 40 days, there's my mother-in-law's, my best friend's, my brother-in-law's, Hubbs', my niece's, my brother's, and my very own birthday. BIRTHDAYS EVERYWHERE! This year, we just decided to do one day of cake instead of 7. I think that was a wise choice.
Tomorrow I go in for my glucose test (finally), I've been seriously slacking on that. They wanted me to take it early, since I have a history of insulin resistance. I just haven't made time. I'll also be popping in for a quick check-up before my anatomy scan next week I think I'm more nervous about that than anything else.
As I quickly approach 20 weeks, I'm finally starting to feel "big". I mean, let's face it, I've been kind of fat for a while, but It's definitely feeling like at least 50% baby, and less fat. My belly has definitely never been this solid before. I think I've taken 2 bump pics since 12 weeks, maybe I'll actually post them once I take the 20 week one.
It's really starting to dawn on me that this whole pregnancy is basically half over. We've almost graduated to a real baby and not just a fetus. It makes it all seem so much more real and slightly scary.
Hubbs' friend's wife had their baby at 29 weeks, I know several other women who developed complications and had their babies between 27 and 37 weeks. I know I shouldn't worry about the things that can go wrong. I am worried that if this baby decides to pop out super early, we just won't be ready.
Hubbs' family is going to be in town at the end of the month, so we're having our shower a little early. Nov. 1st. I'll be  25-ish weeks by then and that should be fine. We've already gotten a lot of hand-me-down stuff, but no clothes yet. Babies don't need clothes, right? Just diapers and a place to sleep? I feel so unprepared. lol. I'm sure everything will be just fine.
I'm still torn about Dr's offices. The one I've been going to, I like, they have midwives and doctors which is nice. The only downside is that the hospital I would deliver at is about 20 mins away. The other office I go to is much closer and the hospital is seriously a block away. Much more convenient, especially when it is likely I'll have a fake labor scare or two. I still have time to decide, but I really just don't know at this point.

I look forward to continuing on in this journey with all of you!

For those new to the blog, welcome! I've been posting since August 2011, when I was diagnosed with PCOS. After trying lots of different things and getting referred to a specialist, looking into adoption, etc. We gave up and decided not to have kids. Cut to 4 months ago when we found out I was pregnant and are now transitioning into a future with a magical mystery baby girl. Feel free to follow along in our journey from infertility to beyond!

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

We had always just assumed we would have a boy. When I was younger, I swore that I never wanted to have a girl. I was so much of a tomboy and such a non-typical girl, that I had no idea what I would do with a girl. All boys for me, I said!

Since getting pregnant though, I always felt that Ducky was a girl. We'd had a girl name picked out for years and kept rifling through boy ones. At the ultrasound, after Ducky finally cooperated, I was like "I KNEW IT!".

I'm excited for bows and cute little dresses every once in a while. I'm worried that she'll probably be as tall as me, if not taller, and how much it sucks to be the tallest person in the class for the majority of class photos.I want her to always feel beautiful and worthy and to reassure her that she deserves to be loved. That she is more than just her looks and that she brings a lot to the table.

I have this dress that is a one-of-a-kind design from one of my parents designer friends from back in the day. I wore it to my brother's Bar Mitzvah when I was 3. I always had a secret dream that one day, I would have a daughter to pass it down to. Even if it's just for playing "dress up" it's a gorgeous dress. Somewhere we'll put a side-by-side of both of us wearing it.

I want her to find something that she excels at, and loves fiercely. I played a lot of sports, and was above average at all of them. Softball was my kick-ass territory though. I still have the school record for highest batting average (.720) and was recruited by several colleges. An elbow injury kind of sidelined that for me, because I could either keep playing or feel below my right elbow. I chose the feeling. I don't care if it's a sport, music, or art, whatever it is, I hope she loves it and rocks it.

My mother and I don't have the best relationship, and her mother was a complete and absolute nightmare. I'll just say that literally no one cried when that woman left this earth. I don't know if it's because I was adopted, or because my mother really wasn't that present or attentive. I've never felt a connection to her. I was predominately raised by nannies and both of my parents were workaholics. I so envied all of my friends whose mother's stayed home, or picked them up from schoool, or actually seemed nurturing and loving.

I look at my Eldest Sister-In-Law and her four kids and that's the kind of mother I want to be. She is there for them, encourages them, and while I'm sure it's not easy, she is doing a great job with them.

I hope that twerking is a thing of the past by the time she's in school, and fear greatly for whatever thing replaces it. I hope she will be strong enough to make her own decisions, and not just do something because her friends or a celebrity thinks it's cool.

I'm looking forward to meeting this daughter of mine, and hope that we raise her well. I'm excited for the challenges and joys that raising a daughter brings. I know I won't be a perfect mother, because there is no such thing. I think the fact that I worry about whether I will be a good parent means that I will be at least a decent one. 

This Time, it Really is a....

Well, Baby was a teeny bit more inclined to cooperate this time, and then tech was 95% sure that it's a GIRL!
I pretty much always felt like it was a girl, but we would have been ok either way. At least now we can stop trying to narrow down our boy name list. We'll have to save that for the next time around, just in case. We've had our girl name picked for a while. I'm not really telling anyone or using it with the baby yet, because we'll have to wait and see once she pops out if she looks like her name or not. We have a back-up just in case.
We're going to reveal the gender at the baby shower in a month. Family and friends still have no idea what it is, which I like. I don't really want it influencing any gift choices. Now it's nice that our hand-me-down car-seat is pink though. She'll have one pink thing that will just be hers. Everything else will hopefully make it to kid #2. Assuming we're lucky enough to get miraculously pregnant again.
18 weeks, so far everything with the baby looks good. I have my anatomy scan in 3 weeks because there's still some iffy-ness as to my due date. The first estimate was Feb 18th going by LMP, then March 1st when they measured with the first ultrasound, the current guess is Feb. 23rd. Jumping around all over the place. Hubbs will be happy as long as it doesn't pop out during the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty sure this baby is going to be huge, so even the current due date may be an over-estimate. We'll see.

It's a....

We still have no clue!! Baby refused to cooperate and the tech seriously couldn't tell a thing! It kept crossing its legs and straddling its umbilical cord. We're going to try again next week.

In 5 weeks we have the scary ultrasound. The one where they go over every inch of your baby and make sure it has all of the organs and limbs and features it's supposed to. Kind of nervous about that one.

They also checked the heartbeat and it's still going strong at around 158bpm. Apparently my uterus is the gigantic size it's supposed to be as well, so everything still looks good.

We've declined genetic screening and the other tests they run. My family history is a mystery, and anything that pops up we'd just rather be surprised by. We want to make this pregnancy enjoyable and as stress-free as possible. Knowing there's a problem ahead of time would just stress me way too much.

Also, I'm down 20lbs since finding out about the little duck. Pretty ridiculous that I spent all of this time trying to lose weight and all I had to do was get knocked up. I'm sure the weight will start piling back on any week now.

These are the last few weeks before I really start to get big. I mean, I was bigger to begin with, but I mean noticeably pregnant and not just chubby. Perhaps I'll even start posting belly pics. BELLY PICS!

Chin Bunnies

My best friend in college had an aunt that called them "Chin Bunnies". They're the long randomly dark hairs that sprout around the place. Well, I keep finding them on my chin, yesterday I found 2 on my "moustache". This whole hair overgrowth thing just needs to stop it. I wish the hair on top of my head would pick up the pace, it's barely growing at all.

2 days until we find out what it is!! My money is on a girl, but we'll see.

In other news, our apartment reeks to high heaven. It is the stinkiest, grossest smelling thing ever. It's like a moldy swamp mated with a stagnant freshwater lake. I'm trying to air it out with the fan they're using to try to dry the carpet, but it's not working. They're going to rip up the carpet and replace the pads, then bring the carpet cleaners in, hopefully by the weekend.

The Great "Flood" of 2013

Our apartment flooded yesterday. Typically, where we live doesn't get monsoons... apparently the city was not prepared. Our patio is about 3.5 feet below ground level, and only has one drain. A drain that definitely got clogged after a few leaves and whatever else go in the way. The water level just kept rising and rising until eventually, it was about 3 inches up on the glass to our patio door. I took this pic before it got really bad.

You can't really tell, but at this point, it's a good 4 inches deep. I recruited a couple of neighbors to help Hubbs bail it out. By the end of it, our living room carpet got soaked about halfway to the kitchen. So that was fun. Right now there's a giant fan blowing it dry, but it doesn't really seem to be helping much. We also lost power for a few hours, but that wasn't so bad. It was a nice little flashback to monsoon season back when I lived in Arizona and Nevada.

Wednesday we find out what little Ducky is. I still think it's a girl, but we'll see. We're still planning on revealing it to everyone at the baby shower, but I think perhaps you'll get a little sneak peak. We really need to start getting serious about the whole name thing, and knowing what it is will help with that.

I'm a little overwhelmed by the whole registry thing. What we actually need vs what we think we need and generally being completely lost. I think I've come up with a pretty good one though. It's mostly white onesies in varying sizes and sleeve lengths, and a bunch of those wearable blanket things.

How have 16 weeks gone by so quickly? Before I know it, this whole pregnancy will be halfway over. 9 months seems like such a long time, but it's hardly any time at all. I'm going to try to sign up for one of those parenting classes, so they teach me the basics. Hubbs has a lot of experience at this point from babysitting our niece, but I feel wholly unprepared.

2 years

August came and went and I didn't even realize it was my blog-iversary! That's a word, right? Anyway, two seemingly long years ago I started this blog about my infertility diagnosis. It became a place for me to vent my frustration at the whole situation in general, sometimes at Hubbs, sometimes at the world.

It just was a safe place for me to be sad, angry, depressed, hopeful, and frightened. Hopefully someone would read it and feel that they weren't alone in their struggles.

Two years later I am one of the women I'd hope I'd be. One of the "success stories", one of the 44% who magically get pregnant on their own after struggling with IF, treatment failures, and/or giving up hope.

I hit the 15 week mark on Sunday. It's weird, sometimes I actually have to remind myself that I'm pregnant and sometimes I feel it acutely. I'm terrified and excited and in a place where I desperately wanted to be for so long, and then for a brief moment, wasn't sure I even wanted to be.

Here we are now with this magical little miracle baby on the way and hoping everything works out for the best. I'm hope you'll follow along this month and join in this next stage of this journey with us, when "IF" became "yes" and "when" became "now".