Thursday, January 7, 2016


Today I was essentially offered the promotion I've been promised for the last year and a half. There's been so much build up to this moment and now that it's here, I'm not even sure that I want it. It's a lot more work for not much more money and a lot more stress. The last thing I need right now is more stress. History has shown that my blood pressure is temperamental and doesn't like big changes.

I'm pregnant, I'm tired, I'm not feeling 100%. I've already taken on 6 credits for starting up school again this semester. I cannot put in the overtime that they like to see out of this position (something I told them flat out when they originally mentioned it to me). Perhaps I just don't have the energy or drive to devote to it.

Hubbs works a lot, and since we work opposite shifts for the most part, I do not see him often. I'm alone with Ducky most of the time. After she goes to bed, I have a few hours before I get too tired and pass out for the night. I now have to use at least half of that "me time" for studying. I'm worried that if I go to them and say that it's just not a good time, that they'll fire me or something along those lines. Management has a history of pushing pink slips when they hear something they don't like. I have no idea what to do. I wound up having to tell them I was pregnant earlier than I wanted to because they made all of these grand plans without my input. I told them the timing wasn't great because the minute I get comfortable performing my new duties and really have the hang of everything, I'll be going on maternity leave. They're just pushing forward full steam ahead and just driving over my concerns.

Hubbs makes more money now, if I did get fired, I could always go back to temping. It's not great, but it's something. I suppose this will all be a moot point if it turns out our rainbow is a double rainbow (twins) because we won't be able to afford three in day care anyway. I feel like I'm being swept away in the tide and torn between fighting it and trying to swim for the shore I know, and just letting it drag me away to a strange and mysterious new land. What would you do? 

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