I was at work last week, and everything was going great, as it does, because I still seriously LOVE my new job. There was a little notification that popped up telling me I had a new e-mail. Naturally, I thought it would be something important, so I click. BAM! BABY IN MY FACE! A new mom fresh off maternity leave wanted to share with everyone her little bundle of joy's face and brag about how he's the reason she's only part time now.
That's cool, I mean I get that you want to share with everyone because you're proud or whatever, but I don't even know you, I don't want to see your kid in my inbox.
A few days later, another staff-wide e-mail popped up. Of course, I click, because it might be something relevant to me. BAM! UTERUS IN MY FACE. Yes, someone (who doesn't even work in our particular office anymore), sends an ultrasound picture announcing that their existing kid is going to have a sibling. Greaaaaaaaaaat. Not even ten minutes later, ANOTHER effing employee decides to flash her uterus all over our inboxes too. "Oh, so and so is going to be a big sibling, yay, and look at you, all infertile with nothing ever in your uterus but disappointed hopes" (I'm paraphrasing of course.)
At lunch, I talked it over with a few other people that I'm close with, and they agreed, "I don't want to see that crap in my inbox. I don't need to know" It definitely made me feel very uncomfortable and knowing that others weren't a fan either, I decided to talk to HR.
I didn't realize how much it affected me until I was trying to explain it to my HR rep and I started crying. Wow me, really? Why you gotta play me like that? I totally had it together and hadn't cried about my IF in a long while. I guess it's just that those little painful reminders cut a little deeper than I thought. I told her how I understood that people were excited and wanted to share their news, but that some people aren't comfortable with seeing it at work. For some people it is a painful subject and being blindsided by it, makes for an uncomfortable workplace.
They're going to see what they can do, if anything. I appreciate the gesture. Perhaps now if I see an e-mail has been sent to everyone, I'll take a moment and stare at the subject line and make sure it is something that actually applies to me before I click all willy-nilly.
I get that people get excited about things and want to shout it from the rooftops. Stop and think though, "Hrmmm, I'm at work, maybe I shouldn't share my personal life with complete strangers who happen to work in the same building as me." Put a birth announcement up in your cube or something and the people who are actually friends with you will eventually see it. Invite your close work friends to a baby shower or something with a tactful hand-delivered invitation. Work is work, and home is home. The only people who NEED to know you are pregnant are you, and your supervisor so they can work out your maternity leave. I, personally, do not give a f*ck, and I'm willing to bet that the majority of your co-workers don't either, but are too nice to say anything about it. Leave your ability to reproduce out of my inbox.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Aunt Again
Apparently, there is going to be a new tiny human in the world that will grow up to call me "Aunt". This new addition will bring my niece/nephew total to 8.
Normally, this would be exciting... but the situation in which this tiny human will be born into, is not that spectacular. My brother in-law and his wife married very young, both under 20. They eloped to Vegas in the midst of planning a real wedding. Within the first year, she was pregnant. He joined the Marines and he was gone for basic training for most of the pregnancy, and was deployed shortly after my nephew was born.
She decided it would be a great idea to join the Air Force Reserves... we all thought, who the hell is gonna take care of their baby whilst they are both gone?! The answer to that was "grandpa". My little nephew, just under a year old, was shuttled off to grandma and grandpa's and was raised by them for the duration of basic training. It was evident that my nephew had very little structure in his raising and as a result, developed quite a set of screaming lungs. Eventually she finished and mother and son were reunited. Dad was still in Afghanistan.
When my brother in-law finished his tour, everything seemed ok. He was doing alright re-adjusting to life in the states. Then one of his buddies committed suicide. From there, my brother in-law kind of spiraled out of control. He started having flashbacks and developed nervous ticks. He's suffering from PTSD and while he is now getting treatment, it's looking like the ticks are going to be with him for the rest of his life. He was just discharged from the Marines.
Sometimes, he can't control his emotions and has to take extreme measures to stop himself from taking it out on his son, or his wife. Now here she is, pregnant yet again. What kind of family life is this new little addition coming in to? Should they have taken precautions against it. Birth control for the win. I just don't know. I fear for my new niece/nephew, heck, I fear for the kid they already have, but what can I do? They live 2,000 miles away and I can't help, I can't offer to babysit or help around the house. I can't make my brother in-law magically better.
I made a joke to Hubbs about how we really need to think about this new baby, because when DCFS eventually gets called, it's gonna be down to the two childless married couples to foster the kids. Luckily, Hubbs' sister lives much closer to them and is far more wealthy, so she's the obvious choice. If it came down to it though, it would have to be us. I was mostly joking... but I think it is an actual possibility.
I'm not saying they're terrible parents, because they're not, and they try the best they can. They are young and financially unstable, and at the moment, emotionally unstable as well. I just wish I knew what to do to help them. Any suggestions?
** UPDATE**
She wound up miscarrying very early on, or only thought she was pregnant but wasn't. One of the two. Either way, even though it's horrible to say, it's definitely a good thing it turned out to be a false alarm.
Normally, this would be exciting... but the situation in which this tiny human will be born into, is not that spectacular. My brother in-law and his wife married very young, both under 20. They eloped to Vegas in the midst of planning a real wedding. Within the first year, she was pregnant. He joined the Marines and he was gone for basic training for most of the pregnancy, and was deployed shortly after my nephew was born.
She decided it would be a great idea to join the Air Force Reserves... we all thought, who the hell is gonna take care of their baby whilst they are both gone?! The answer to that was "grandpa". My little nephew, just under a year old, was shuttled off to grandma and grandpa's and was raised by them for the duration of basic training. It was evident that my nephew had very little structure in his raising and as a result, developed quite a set of screaming lungs. Eventually she finished and mother and son were reunited. Dad was still in Afghanistan.
When my brother in-law finished his tour, everything seemed ok. He was doing alright re-adjusting to life in the states. Then one of his buddies committed suicide. From there, my brother in-law kind of spiraled out of control. He started having flashbacks and developed nervous ticks. He's suffering from PTSD and while he is now getting treatment, it's looking like the ticks are going to be with him for the rest of his life. He was just discharged from the Marines.
Sometimes, he can't control his emotions and has to take extreme measures to stop himself from taking it out on his son, or his wife. Now here she is, pregnant yet again. What kind of family life is this new little addition coming in to? Should they have taken precautions against it. Birth control for the win. I just don't know. I fear for my new niece/nephew, heck, I fear for the kid they already have, but what can I do? They live 2,000 miles away and I can't help, I can't offer to babysit or help around the house. I can't make my brother in-law magically better.
I made a joke to Hubbs about how we really need to think about this new baby, because when DCFS eventually gets called, it's gonna be down to the two childless married couples to foster the kids. Luckily, Hubbs' sister lives much closer to them and is far more wealthy, so she's the obvious choice. If it came down to it though, it would have to be us. I was mostly joking... but I think it is an actual possibility.
I'm not saying they're terrible parents, because they're not, and they try the best they can. They are young and financially unstable, and at the moment, emotionally unstable as well. I just wish I knew what to do to help them. Any suggestions?
** UPDATE**
She wound up miscarrying very early on, or only thought she was pregnant but wasn't. One of the two. Either way, even though it's horrible to say, it's definitely a good thing it turned out to be a false alarm.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Mother's Day
Today is a bitter day for me, for multiple reasons. When I was young, heck, even well into my teen years, my mother was absolutely horrible to me. She constantly verbally abused me and made me feel terrible about myself. Today was a day where I had to pretend to love her and put on a happy face for the rest of the family and I hated every second of it. I felt myself growing more bitter and resentful every year. Perhaps, I haven't let go of some of that anger, because I still hate today.
Mother's Day also means something else to me now. It's a day that reminds me of unattainable dreams and broken wishes. When I was young, I never wanted to be a mother, even in college, I swore to myself that I never would be. Maybe young me was right about something. When I met Hubbs and we later got married, I saw the reasons why people wanted to have kids. I wondered what they would look like, or what little personality traits of ours they'd pick up.
After about six months of marriage we started trying, and six months after that we found out about my IF. We tried some things and failed, tried again, and again. For a long time I had given up hope and I was so incredibly sad. The sight of babies made my cry, and then one sister in-law announced that she was pregnant. After a few months, another sister in-law was pregnant. Everywhere I looked there were pregnant women waddling over here and over there and I really couldn't handle it. I'd say about 70% of the women I knew who were pregnant weren't even trying, it just happened magically all on its own. I was a wreck.
We looked in to adoption and were so hopeful. We'd chosen an agency and went to our orientation meeting, where once again our hopes and dreams were dashed to pieces. This wasn't going to work for us. It felt so much like "buying" a kid. Not to mention, they only had newborns, and we were more interested in say, a 2 or 3 year old, a fact we didn't manage to uncover in our months of research and waiting for this orientation. With all of these road blocks, a part of me slowly started to realize that maybe, parenthood just wasn't in the cards.
Then something amazing happened, I went through the stages of grief. At first, yes, I was definitely in denial, I was like, "no, everything's fine, we're totally gonna make a tiny human!"
Anger set in. I'd see a pregnant woman and just hate her. Someone would ask us when we were going to start having kids and I wanted to yell in their face that "we're trying but can't because I'm broken and thank you SOOOOO much for reminding me when I'd managed to forget about it for ten seconds."
During bargaining, I'd make all sorts of promises to myself. "I'll lose weight! I'll be a better wife. Just give me the opportunity to prove what a great mother I'll be!"
Depression... when all hope had failed me. The sight of babies and their little chubby faces made me cry. There was one morning where Hubbs had gotten pretty fed up with me, and told me to just get over it. I lost it and spent the rest of the morning in bed in the fetal position, racking with sobs. It kind of helped in a way though, I felt like I'd cried all of the tears I could ever cry about it, and maybe would never cry about it again.
Finally, acceptance. I cannot tell you how great it feels to be in this stage. Sure occasionally, I'm reminded of the pain I felt at first, especially on days like today. Now though, I'm happy I don't have kids. Hubbs and I have talked about kids over the last few months, and after everything that we've been through, we've decided to remain childless. It is a wonderful, freeing feeling. We're planning our early retirement and envisioning all of the wonderful places we will see and the things we will do.
Maybe now, I can try to learn to see Mother's Day, not as a painful reminder of the past, but as my Emancipation Day. The day I freed myself from the great weight of motherhood, and just celebrate me and the awesome person that I have become in spite of the struggles it took to get me here.
.
I guess I will end this with saying Happy Mother's Day to my Birth Mother, for giving me up, and even though I've been through a lot, and my life wasn't always the best, I turned out OK, and I think you made the right choice. Happy Mother's Day to those who open their homes and hearts to a child and give them love and raise them well. Happy Mother's Day to those to sacrifice their own chance at motherhood to give that chance to others. Happy Mother's Day to the women who guide, advise, cherish you in their hearts, and take on the epic task of mothering, it certainly not easy and you deserve praise as well, even if you may not be legally or biologically a mother, you're a mother in the hearts of those who love you. Thanks to all of you and the great job that you do.
Mother's Day also means something else to me now. It's a day that reminds me of unattainable dreams and broken wishes. When I was young, I never wanted to be a mother, even in college, I swore to myself that I never would be. Maybe young me was right about something. When I met Hubbs and we later got married, I saw the reasons why people wanted to have kids. I wondered what they would look like, or what little personality traits of ours they'd pick up.
After about six months of marriage we started trying, and six months after that we found out about my IF. We tried some things and failed, tried again, and again. For a long time I had given up hope and I was so incredibly sad. The sight of babies made my cry, and then one sister in-law announced that she was pregnant. After a few months, another sister in-law was pregnant. Everywhere I looked there were pregnant women waddling over here and over there and I really couldn't handle it. I'd say about 70% of the women I knew who were pregnant weren't even trying, it just happened magically all on its own. I was a wreck.
We looked in to adoption and were so hopeful. We'd chosen an agency and went to our orientation meeting, where once again our hopes and dreams were dashed to pieces. This wasn't going to work for us. It felt so much like "buying" a kid. Not to mention, they only had newborns, and we were more interested in say, a 2 or 3 year old, a fact we didn't manage to uncover in our months of research and waiting for this orientation. With all of these road blocks, a part of me slowly started to realize that maybe, parenthood just wasn't in the cards.
Then something amazing happened, I went through the stages of grief. At first, yes, I was definitely in denial, I was like, "no, everything's fine, we're totally gonna make a tiny human!"
Anger set in. I'd see a pregnant woman and just hate her. Someone would ask us when we were going to start having kids and I wanted to yell in their face that "we're trying but can't because I'm broken and thank you SOOOOO much for reminding me when I'd managed to forget about it for ten seconds."
During bargaining, I'd make all sorts of promises to myself. "I'll lose weight! I'll be a better wife. Just give me the opportunity to prove what a great mother I'll be!"
Depression... when all hope had failed me. The sight of babies and their little chubby faces made me cry. There was one morning where Hubbs had gotten pretty fed up with me, and told me to just get over it. I lost it and spent the rest of the morning in bed in the fetal position, racking with sobs. It kind of helped in a way though, I felt like I'd cried all of the tears I could ever cry about it, and maybe would never cry about it again.
Finally, acceptance. I cannot tell you how great it feels to be in this stage. Sure occasionally, I'm reminded of the pain I felt at first, especially on days like today. Now though, I'm happy I don't have kids. Hubbs and I have talked about kids over the last few months, and after everything that we've been through, we've decided to remain childless. It is a wonderful, freeing feeling. We're planning our early retirement and envisioning all of the wonderful places we will see and the things we will do.
Maybe now, I can try to learn to see Mother's Day, not as a painful reminder of the past, but as my Emancipation Day. The day I freed myself from the great weight of motherhood, and just celebrate me and the awesome person that I have become in spite of the struggles it took to get me here.
.
I guess I will end this with saying Happy Mother's Day to my Birth Mother, for giving me up, and even though I've been through a lot, and my life wasn't always the best, I turned out OK, and I think you made the right choice. Happy Mother's Day to those who open their homes and hearts to a child and give them love and raise them well. Happy Mother's Day to those to sacrifice their own chance at motherhood to give that chance to others. Happy Mother's Day to the women who guide, advise, cherish you in their hearts, and take on the epic task of mothering, it certainly not easy and you deserve praise as well, even if you may not be legally or biologically a mother, you're a mother in the hearts of those who love you. Thanks to all of you and the great job that you do.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Memories
I came across this article today, basically mentioning how Abercombie doesn't want fat people wearing their clothes. I remember the day I discovered that I was too fat for Abercrombie, I was still in high school and didn't think I was all that fat. Then there came a day where American Eagle, H&M, and even Gap joined that list. I exclusively shopped for pants at Old Navy. Now only Old Navy's maternity line's pants fit me and of course Lane Bryant, but I can't spend $60 on a single pair of jeans anymore, I'm way too poor for that. lol.
A gem from the article is the following: “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely."
I have a great attitude, lots of friends, am pretty dang cool, and guess what, the definition of "All-American" is rapidly widening to mean plus-sized. The "obesity epidemic", bringing inclusion for the win!
I'm trying to think of a time when fat didn't affect me. I look back and see pictures from when I was around 7 or 8 and that's when I was still a thin kid. Shortly after that was when everything started going down hill. I do think I looked my best the summer of my sophomore year. There's a picture of myself somewhere, I haven't been able to find it since the last time my parents moved, and I think "damn, I looked like a model" and no one told me.
These kinds of things are what motivate me now. I have that pair of jeans stuck in the back of my closet that I can't wait to fit into again. As my waistline shrinks and shrinks, I'm going to buy new clothes, hell, a whole new wardrobe at the end of my weight loss journey, and you know what? Abercrombie is not going to be on that list.
Former fatties of the world, take your business elsewhere, because that what I'm going to do.
A gem from the article is the following: “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely."
I have a great attitude, lots of friends, am pretty dang cool, and guess what, the definition of "All-American" is rapidly widening to mean plus-sized. The "obesity epidemic", bringing inclusion for the win!
I'm trying to think of a time when fat didn't affect me. I look back and see pictures from when I was around 7 or 8 and that's when I was still a thin kid. Shortly after that was when everything started going down hill. I do think I looked my best the summer of my sophomore year. There's a picture of myself somewhere, I haven't been able to find it since the last time my parents moved, and I think "damn, I looked like a model" and no one told me.
These kinds of things are what motivate me now. I have that pair of jeans stuck in the back of my closet that I can't wait to fit into again. As my waistline shrinks and shrinks, I'm going to buy new clothes, hell, a whole new wardrobe at the end of my weight loss journey, and you know what? Abercrombie is not going to be on that list.
Former fatties of the world, take your business elsewhere, because that what I'm going to do.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
What Ifs and Whens
I've been doing a lot of reflection lately. Wondering the different paths my life could have taken, I'm not sure it's a good thing.
What if I hadn't been too afraid to tell my friend that I'd developed feelings for him. (This was pretty much the story of my life until I got married, even he started out as "just a friend")
What if I hadn't gotten scared and let myself love earlier?
What if I'd kept dating that other guy, instead of breaking up with him because I feared commitment?
What if I didn't quit that job, or move there, or make that snap decision?
I find it weird that the things I regret most in my life are the things I didn't do rather than the things I did. I always over-analyzed everything. What if this, what if that? I guess I still do it now, but less, because now I don't have any big decisions. Maybe I've grown comfortable and complacent.
The one weighing on my mind now is... what if I wasn't fat?
There are changes that I know I need to make in my life. I need to get fit. I need to make the appropriate changes to make that happen. I can't be afraid any more or hide behind the fat. At this point, I hate the way I look so much that it's affecting my relationship with Hubbs. I feel myself pulling away from him because I don't understand how he can love me, when I don't think I love me.
I've seen pictures of myself recently, and I just see a blob. There was a day when I caught a reflection in a door and thought, man, who is that fat lady? Then I realized it was me. I'm not trying to be a downer here. I'm trying to get it all out there so I can be held accountable I guess. I know I've tried before, and I even succeeded for a little bit, but I've slipped back into bad habits.
I keep promising to take the dog for walks, or telling myself I'll go to the gym, but I never do. I get home from work and I have to immediately start cooking dinner or it will never get done in time for me to go to bed at decent hour and get up for work in the morning to start the cycle over again. I was thinking, I know it sounds a little crazy, even to me... what if I got up EARLY and went to the gym then? I could finish working out, shower, and then go to work. I think it just might work. I'm setting a goal for myself internet.
I'm planning on attending my college's homecoming this year. It starts in November, so that only gives me 6 months to get in better shape and overall feel better about myself. I want to be able to look at the pictures from that weekend and be able to not only see myself happy in them, but to be happy to see me in them as well.
What do you think? Think I can do it? I've made this promise before I am sure, but I'm making it again. I can't hit my next milestone birthday and still look like this. I won't live very long if I do, today is the day. Now is the time. I'm going to get dressed and take the dog for a nice walk. I think I've finally reached that tipping point where I am ready to change my life for the better. If I'm not going to make this change now, then when? I can't wait for when anymore, I'm going to start now.
What if I hadn't been too afraid to tell my friend that I'd developed feelings for him. (This was pretty much the story of my life until I got married, even he started out as "just a friend")
What if I hadn't gotten scared and let myself love earlier?
What if I'd kept dating that other guy, instead of breaking up with him because I feared commitment?
What if I didn't quit that job, or move there, or make that snap decision?
I find it weird that the things I regret most in my life are the things I didn't do rather than the things I did. I always over-analyzed everything. What if this, what if that? I guess I still do it now, but less, because now I don't have any big decisions. Maybe I've grown comfortable and complacent.
The one weighing on my mind now is... what if I wasn't fat?
There are changes that I know I need to make in my life. I need to get fit. I need to make the appropriate changes to make that happen. I can't be afraid any more or hide behind the fat. At this point, I hate the way I look so much that it's affecting my relationship with Hubbs. I feel myself pulling away from him because I don't understand how he can love me, when I don't think I love me.
I've seen pictures of myself recently, and I just see a blob. There was a day when I caught a reflection in a door and thought, man, who is that fat lady? Then I realized it was me. I'm not trying to be a downer here. I'm trying to get it all out there so I can be held accountable I guess. I know I've tried before, and I even succeeded for a little bit, but I've slipped back into bad habits.
I keep promising to take the dog for walks, or telling myself I'll go to the gym, but I never do. I get home from work and I have to immediately start cooking dinner or it will never get done in time for me to go to bed at decent hour and get up for work in the morning to start the cycle over again. I was thinking, I know it sounds a little crazy, even to me... what if I got up EARLY and went to the gym then? I could finish working out, shower, and then go to work. I think it just might work. I'm setting a goal for myself internet.
I'm planning on attending my college's homecoming this year. It starts in November, so that only gives me 6 months to get in better shape and overall feel better about myself. I want to be able to look at the pictures from that weekend and be able to not only see myself happy in them, but to be happy to see me in them as well.
What do you think? Think I can do it? I've made this promise before I am sure, but I'm making it again. I can't hit my next milestone birthday and still look like this. I won't live very long if I do, today is the day. Now is the time. I'm going to get dressed and take the dog for a nice walk. I think I've finally reached that tipping point where I am ready to change my life for the better. If I'm not going to make this change now, then when? I can't wait for when anymore, I'm going to start now.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Hope
Hope is a funny thing. For a while there, I hung on to a lot of my old stuffed animals from when I was a kid, because I thought it would be cool to be able to give them to my kids. Joke's on me with that one. I keep most of them at my parents' house, like people do when they've grown up and moved away. In my place now though, I do have one stuffed animal... the one I've held out the most hope for. It's the very first stuffed animal I received. There's a picture of me, 3 days old, my first day in my new house fresh off the plane, and this stuffed dog totally dwarfs me. Sure it's missing one eye now, and has a huge hole in its neck that I patchily tried to sew up as a child. It's all ratty and I'm pretty sure has never been washed, I still have it though. Sometimes when I'm feeling sick or sad, I get it out of the closet and hug it tight. Even though it's a dog I named it "Beary". Beary and me. lol. I keep him because I'm sentimental and sappy. I think there is some small, tiny part of me though that holds on to hope. That holds on to the idea that some day, I will have someone to pass him on to. Maybe a niece or nephew, maybe a kid of our own if I ever decide to change my mind about the whole giving up on kids thing.
I don't sleep with beary now though, I'm afraid Gibbs will chew him up. lol. I sleep with several pillows. A giant body pillow and an extra regular sized one, I use them as surrogate stuffed animals, because Gibbs won't chew those, he just licks them.
I have a new job, which I started last week. Let me tell you, I fricking LOVE it. I keep waiting for that moment where I find something about the job I hate, but so far, it's been nothing but awesome. I like the people and the work and the company. This has never happened to me before so it's pretty great. I've been trained in a new area from the one I've been doing so far and everything seems to be coming up roses. I'm also super excited for health, dental, and vision after 90 days. Hurray for benefits! I'm probably the only person in the world who loves going to the dentist. Clean teeth make me happy.
Since I do have this great job, and don't have much time outside of that, I think I might have to restrict my blogging to just weekends. I guess I can make an effort to do it if I have some spare time, but I definitely won't be able to do every day. So pop over every once in a while and see what we're up to in this fantastical land of IF.
I don't sleep with beary now though, I'm afraid Gibbs will chew him up. lol. I sleep with several pillows. A giant body pillow and an extra regular sized one, I use them as surrogate stuffed animals, because Gibbs won't chew those, he just licks them.
I have a new job, which I started last week. Let me tell you, I fricking LOVE it. I keep waiting for that moment where I find something about the job I hate, but so far, it's been nothing but awesome. I like the people and the work and the company. This has never happened to me before so it's pretty great. I've been trained in a new area from the one I've been doing so far and everything seems to be coming up roses. I'm also super excited for health, dental, and vision after 90 days. Hurray for benefits! I'm probably the only person in the world who loves going to the dentist. Clean teeth make me happy.
Since I do have this great job, and don't have much time outside of that, I think I might have to restrict my blogging to just weekends. I guess I can make an effort to do it if I have some spare time, but I definitely won't be able to do every day. So pop over every once in a while and see what we're up to in this fantastical land of IF.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Life's Funny Ways
On Tuesday I got laid off from my fancy new job. Last in, first out I guess. The good news is that Hubbs got a new job that very same day. Now being the smarty that I am and realizing that it was becoming increasingly likely that my new job wasn't going to work out, I'd started applying for new jobs. I nabbed a few interviews and scored a new job offer today! Hurray for us!
Hubbs and I both working full time will bring in around the same amount of money I would have gotten from the job that let me go, but at least we've got something coming in. The other nice part about my job is it has benefits with a free clinic on-site, bonuses, and a free lunch for every shift worked. I'm actually pretty excited about it, even though it will mean getting yelled at a lot on the phone.
This will also be my last week subbing, after the new job debacle, I picked up a shift for tomorrow and Friday.
In other news, we've decided to get a hamster! I'd wanted to get a guinea pig, but we don't have the floor space. I thought a hamster would be a great segue into the world of rodent ownership. I've been around to all the stores in the area, as well as called several rescues and shelters. Unfortunately, it's looking like adoption isn't an option for our new hammy friend.
The Dream Job I'd been hoping for the last few months didn't work out, but the exact same position opened up at a different location. I've allowed myself to hope that there's a slight possibility I'll get it this time. The new location is nice, but with a slightly higher cost of living than the location I was hoping for the first time. When I got rejected this time around, they told me I was an excellent candidate and to keep trying, they just only had about 200 openings for the almost a thousand people who'd applied. Better luck to me this time!
Hubbs and I are looking for somewhere to move around here for just a few months after our lease is up. We hardly have any furniture of our own, so moving won't be that tough, I'm more worried about actually finding a place that will lease to us for such a short time. After that, we're moving somewhere. Not sure where or what we'll do when we get there. We're just going to save up the majority of the money we make this summer and hope for the best. Any suggestions for places with a lot of jobs with a low cost of living? lol.
Hubbs and I both working full time will bring in around the same amount of money I would have gotten from the job that let me go, but at least we've got something coming in. The other nice part about my job is it has benefits with a free clinic on-site, bonuses, and a free lunch for every shift worked. I'm actually pretty excited about it, even though it will mean getting yelled at a lot on the phone.
This will also be my last week subbing, after the new job debacle, I picked up a shift for tomorrow and Friday.
In other news, we've decided to get a hamster! I'd wanted to get a guinea pig, but we don't have the floor space. I thought a hamster would be a great segue into the world of rodent ownership. I've been around to all the stores in the area, as well as called several rescues and shelters. Unfortunately, it's looking like adoption isn't an option for our new hammy friend.
The Dream Job I'd been hoping for the last few months didn't work out, but the exact same position opened up at a different location. I've allowed myself to hope that there's a slight possibility I'll get it this time. The new location is nice, but with a slightly higher cost of living than the location I was hoping for the first time. When I got rejected this time around, they told me I was an excellent candidate and to keep trying, they just only had about 200 openings for the almost a thousand people who'd applied. Better luck to me this time!
Hubbs and I are looking for somewhere to move around here for just a few months after our lease is up. We hardly have any furniture of our own, so moving won't be that tough, I'm more worried about actually finding a place that will lease to us for such a short time. After that, we're moving somewhere. Not sure where or what we'll do when we get there. We're just going to save up the majority of the money we make this summer and hope for the best. Any suggestions for places with a lot of jobs with a low cost of living? lol.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
When Life Slaps You in the Face
I feel like over the last few years, there's been a few times where life/the universe is like you know what? I know you think things are going well, but really, I hate you and want to make everything much harder for you. SMACK. Then my face stings for a bit and I get over it and take my life in a new direction. This is one of those times.
I started a new job which I was all rosy and excited about. After six days.. just SIX of actual work, my body has decided to hate me an refuse to allow me to do my job properly. Sure it's probably just my fault for taking a job in manual labor when I knew I was a big couch potato fatty. I really thought I could handle it though, apparently I cannot.
I took the day off yesterday because after work on Tuesday, it literally hurt just sitting down. It felt like my feet were going to fall off and I had this twinge in my lower back that reared up on Monday. It felt like either something in my spine was being pinched, or like two of my vertebra were rubbing together. My knees were weak and wobbly, it doesn't help that my patella rubs away at my cartilage anyway... basically I was a wreck.
Tuesday night after work, I'd applied to a boatload of other jobs. I know that I won't be able to find anything remotely as well paying as this job, but hopefully I'll find something that I can actually do until Hubbs graduates in January.
Yesterday, my phone was flooded with calls from recruiters and prospective employers. I was pretty shocked, I even had two interviews yesterday. I've got a second interview lined up for tomorrow and two others next week. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's getting interviews. Getting jobs on the other hand is a little trickier. We're hoping for something in the $10/hr range with benefits, but we'll see what happens.
Hubbs is not too happy about it. We had a fight about it yesterday morning. Hubbs and I rarely fight, but when we do, it usually stems from his own insecurities. My looking for yet another new job somehow makes him feel inadequate because for 90% of the time we've been married, I've been the only one working.
We were all excited because we were looking into the idea of buying a house... that's not happening anymore. He doesn't want to get trapped here like his siblings and blah blah so now we have a new plan. We're going to rent a new apartment for the fall semester while he finishes school, and then after he graduates, no matter what, we're moving. We have no idea where, or what we'll do when we get there, but we've decided to take the plunge and do it. Hubbs is still thinking about joining the military, and I guess we can just move wherever he gets stationed. At the moment, if that turns out to be the plan, I'm planning on going back to school wherever we move.
Last August, when I was looking for something new to do with my life, there were a few options that I was toying around with. I chose welding and obviously that didn't really work out too well. One of the other options was going back to school to be a vet tech, and I think maybe that's the path I was supposed to take. In EMT school, I did very well with the medical aspect of things, but the whole dealing with patients wasn't my forte. I love animals and always have, the best part is they can't talk back or intentionally spit in your face. I think that would be a good fit for me. There are several great accredited schools all over the country and I am confident that no matter where Hubbs is stationed that I'll be able to find a program to attend.
Hopefully, these new plans don't fail as miserably as some of our others have. Wish me luck at my interviews and any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I try to be optimistic, but sometimes it really does suck when it seems like all of your grand plans are complete and epic failures despite your best efforts.
I started a new job which I was all rosy and excited about. After six days.. just SIX of actual work, my body has decided to hate me an refuse to allow me to do my job properly. Sure it's probably just my fault for taking a job in manual labor when I knew I was a big couch potato fatty. I really thought I could handle it though, apparently I cannot.
I took the day off yesterday because after work on Tuesday, it literally hurt just sitting down. It felt like my feet were going to fall off and I had this twinge in my lower back that reared up on Monday. It felt like either something in my spine was being pinched, or like two of my vertebra were rubbing together. My knees were weak and wobbly, it doesn't help that my patella rubs away at my cartilage anyway... basically I was a wreck.
Tuesday night after work, I'd applied to a boatload of other jobs. I know that I won't be able to find anything remotely as well paying as this job, but hopefully I'll find something that I can actually do until Hubbs graduates in January.
Yesterday, my phone was flooded with calls from recruiters and prospective employers. I was pretty shocked, I even had two interviews yesterday. I've got a second interview lined up for tomorrow and two others next week. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's getting interviews. Getting jobs on the other hand is a little trickier. We're hoping for something in the $10/hr range with benefits, but we'll see what happens.
Hubbs is not too happy about it. We had a fight about it yesterday morning. Hubbs and I rarely fight, but when we do, it usually stems from his own insecurities. My looking for yet another new job somehow makes him feel inadequate because for 90% of the time we've been married, I've been the only one working.
We were all excited because we were looking into the idea of buying a house... that's not happening anymore. He doesn't want to get trapped here like his siblings and blah blah so now we have a new plan. We're going to rent a new apartment for the fall semester while he finishes school, and then after he graduates, no matter what, we're moving. We have no idea where, or what we'll do when we get there, but we've decided to take the plunge and do it. Hubbs is still thinking about joining the military, and I guess we can just move wherever he gets stationed. At the moment, if that turns out to be the plan, I'm planning on going back to school wherever we move.
Last August, when I was looking for something new to do with my life, there were a few options that I was toying around with. I chose welding and obviously that didn't really work out too well. One of the other options was going back to school to be a vet tech, and I think maybe that's the path I was supposed to take. In EMT school, I did very well with the medical aspect of things, but the whole dealing with patients wasn't my forte. I love animals and always have, the best part is they can't talk back or intentionally spit in your face. I think that would be a good fit for me. There are several great accredited schools all over the country and I am confident that no matter where Hubbs is stationed that I'll be able to find a program to attend.
Hopefully, these new plans don't fail as miserably as some of our others have. Wish me luck at my interviews and any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I try to be optimistic, but sometimes it really does suck when it seems like all of your grand plans are complete and epic failures despite your best efforts.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
First Real Day at the New Job
I thought I knew pain. I thought I knew what it was to be bone tired. I thought I knew what it was like to be sore and have every part of your body ache. I was wrong. I was so, so very wrong. It was all just a glimpse of the true horror that is my body today.
10 hours of hard labor after being a couch potato for basically the last... I dunno, 6 months, was absolute torture. My toes hurt, my hair hurts. My hair was plastered tightly to my head with sweat. Inside my HEPA mask, I had a continual goatee of sweat. I had to keep wiping the inside of my safety glasses because condensation kept popping up on the inside.
At the end of the day, I could barely walk, every part of me ached. I rode home on my scooter, barely able to grip the throttle and wincing in pain every time I had to put my feet down at a red light. You know what though? It was an awesome day. I relished in the new experiences and learned new things. At the end of the day I was able to look and actually see the results of my sweat and hard effort. It was awesome.
I'm going to regret it in the morning, but hopefully after a week or so, the pain will go away. lol. The other fun thing, is I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose a crapton of weight because holy heck do you work every muscle in your body. Future fit me, and current fat me are very excited about this.
10 hours of hard labor after being a couch potato for basically the last... I dunno, 6 months, was absolute torture. My toes hurt, my hair hurts. My hair was plastered tightly to my head with sweat. Inside my HEPA mask, I had a continual goatee of sweat. I had to keep wiping the inside of my safety glasses because condensation kept popping up on the inside.
At the end of the day, I could barely walk, every part of me ached. I rode home on my scooter, barely able to grip the throttle and wincing in pain every time I had to put my feet down at a red light. You know what though? It was an awesome day. I relished in the new experiences and learned new things. At the end of the day I was able to look and actually see the results of my sweat and hard effort. It was awesome.
I'm going to regret it in the morning, but hopefully after a week or so, the pain will go away. lol. The other fun thing, is I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose a crapton of weight because holy heck do you work every muscle in your body. Future fit me, and current fat me are very excited about this.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Officially Hired
It's a good feeling the moment a tentative job offer becomes an official one. My background check and drug test were squared away and I'm officially starting tomorrow.
I'm nervous, excited, and looking forward to the new challenge. It's definitely going to be a huge change from the last... what? 10 years or so I've spend behind a desk.
One thing I found amusing though, was before my drug test, I had a breathalyzer test... and I thought to myself. What sort of idiot would show up to a drug test drunk? How many times did it happen before they made it policy to breathalyze everyone? Pretty crazy stuff.
Our family in the area are very excited that we'll be sticking around for a while, and we are too. It turns out I didn't get the Dream Job that I'd applied for, but that's ok. This new job pays even more and doesn't involve moving 2,000 miles away. It's actually exciting to look at houses in the area and see what's available. Our lease is up in August, so we have to move anyway, we figure we might as well buy our next place instead of rent it.
We're meeting with the loan manager at the bank tomorrow to figure out how soon we can qualify for a loan, what sort of price range we can expect, and what we need to do to get ready. The first few paychecks are going towards paying off rent for the next 3 months and then paying off the rest of our debts. A few credit cards here and there and a sizable medical bill from back when we were actually trying to get pregnant. After that (which should be somewhere into month 2), we're going to start saving up for our down payment. There are some programs in the area for neighborhood revitalization and such that offer down payment assistance, so we'll see what happens with that. Supposedly, my parents were also supposed to help, but I'm not sure that's on the table anymore due to a slight change in their financial circumstances. Maybe I'll lean on my super rich brother. lol.
They always say that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, and that's definitely what happened here. It's an exciting new chapter in our lives and it's nice to look forward and not dread what it will bring.
Hubbs and I won't have to spend any time apart whilst he finishes school, and I'll get really valuable work experience and set myself up for even better jobs in the future. Hubbs still isn't sure what he's going to do after he graduates. Luckily, he has a good 8 months to think about it.
We went out to dinner tonight with Hubbs' other sister and her family... let me tell you, their (almost) 4 year-old is seriously a little monster. He was running around the restaurant like a madman, at one point, he ran past our table shoved his (almost) 1 year-old sister's head, which caused her to slam her forehead on the glass table. That would have hurt an adult! He's always slapping and hitting her in the head/face region. It is unbelievable. I always think to myself that if they're not more careful and take action to discipline him seriously when he does things like that, he's going to wind up accidentally killing her. I don't know what they can do to wrangle him in, but some of the things I've seen him do (and they've seen too for that matter) scare the heck out of me.
Hanging out with them makes me almost thankful that we can't have kids. If we could, it would be enough to be the best form of birth control ever.
My days from here on out are going to be filled with lots and lots of work, and a little bit of house hunting. Hopefully, I'll find some time to squeeze in some blogging as well. Last month, I was a complete failure at NaBloPoMo, but at least I tried a bit. I was just so down and our future was so uncertain it was hard to motivate myself to do anything. This time around, with so much to look forward to, maybe I'll actually want to share what's going on in our lives. lol.
Stick around, say "Hi", and I sincerely hope you'll join in on this exciting new chapter in our lives.
I'm nervous, excited, and looking forward to the new challenge. It's definitely going to be a huge change from the last... what? 10 years or so I've spend behind a desk.
One thing I found amusing though, was before my drug test, I had a breathalyzer test... and I thought to myself. What sort of idiot would show up to a drug test drunk? How many times did it happen before they made it policy to breathalyze everyone? Pretty crazy stuff.
Our family in the area are very excited that we'll be sticking around for a while, and we are too. It turns out I didn't get the Dream Job that I'd applied for, but that's ok. This new job pays even more and doesn't involve moving 2,000 miles away. It's actually exciting to look at houses in the area and see what's available. Our lease is up in August, so we have to move anyway, we figure we might as well buy our next place instead of rent it.
We're meeting with the loan manager at the bank tomorrow to figure out how soon we can qualify for a loan, what sort of price range we can expect, and what we need to do to get ready. The first few paychecks are going towards paying off rent for the next 3 months and then paying off the rest of our debts. A few credit cards here and there and a sizable medical bill from back when we were actually trying to get pregnant. After that (which should be somewhere into month 2), we're going to start saving up for our down payment. There are some programs in the area for neighborhood revitalization and such that offer down payment assistance, so we'll see what happens with that. Supposedly, my parents were also supposed to help, but I'm not sure that's on the table anymore due to a slight change in their financial circumstances. Maybe I'll lean on my super rich brother. lol.
They always say that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, and that's definitely what happened here. It's an exciting new chapter in our lives and it's nice to look forward and not dread what it will bring.
Hubbs and I won't have to spend any time apart whilst he finishes school, and I'll get really valuable work experience and set myself up for even better jobs in the future. Hubbs still isn't sure what he's going to do after he graduates. Luckily, he has a good 8 months to think about it.
We went out to dinner tonight with Hubbs' other sister and her family... let me tell you, their (almost) 4 year-old is seriously a little monster. He was running around the restaurant like a madman, at one point, he ran past our table shoved his (almost) 1 year-old sister's head, which caused her to slam her forehead on the glass table. That would have hurt an adult! He's always slapping and hitting her in the head/face region. It is unbelievable. I always think to myself that if they're not more careful and take action to discipline him seriously when he does things like that, he's going to wind up accidentally killing her. I don't know what they can do to wrangle him in, but some of the things I've seen him do (and they've seen too for that matter) scare the heck out of me.
Hanging out with them makes me almost thankful that we can't have kids. If we could, it would be enough to be the best form of birth control ever.
My days from here on out are going to be filled with lots and lots of work, and a little bit of house hunting. Hopefully, I'll find some time to squeeze in some blogging as well. Last month, I was a complete failure at NaBloPoMo, but at least I tried a bit. I was just so down and our future was so uncertain it was hard to motivate myself to do anything. This time around, with so much to look forward to, maybe I'll actually want to share what's going on in our lives. lol.
Stick around, say "Hi", and I sincerely hope you'll join in on this exciting new chapter in our lives.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)