Cycle day... 70-ish?

Seriously, where the hell is AF? No idea. Hubbs is still convinced i'm preggers despite the multiple negative pregnancy tests. This cycle is just really weird and makes absolutely no sense.

I quit my job. Currently applying for an obnoxious number of other jobs, hopefully one sticks. lol.

Hubbs starts school in a few weeks, he's looking forward to it and should graduate by January 2013. Hurray.

We have a new niece! She was born 4/26 and looks exactly like every other baby. lol. They all look the same to me.

I've been doing a lot of reading lately, way more trips to the library. But i mean, what else am i gonna do with all of this free time?

I've been good about sticking to my pescetarian diet. We found veggie burgers at Burger King and Red Robin, lots of tasty fish options other places. It's actually been pretty easy. It feels like my clothes fit a little bit better, but i still feel like a fatty. I'm sure after a few more months of eating healthier and working out that i'll notice more of a difference.

Roller Derby is going pretty well. I've gotten myself a standing NSO (non-skating official) job at the bouts and it should only be a matter of weeks before i'm a skating ref! woo!

I'm tired a lot. So very tired. And hungry. lol. Maybe the stress of the last year is hitting me, i don't know. I find it kind of funny though that Hubbs is pushing me to get a new job... he was unemployed for an ENTIRE year and i said NOTHING! Kind of pisses me off. Maybe this is my year to sit at home and do nothing all day while he brings home the bacon. (figurative bacon of course... although i do find myself wishing there was some tasty bacon in the house... NO! bad me! NO BACON!) I don't know, i'm sure i'll get over it.

Day 5 Meat-Free

So far it has been kinda easy to avoid eating meat. I feel kinda hungry all the time though. lol. I've worked out only one day so far. It's funny, when the docs told me to give up wheat, corn, and soy, i basically stopped eating all carbs, i was crazy hungry all the time. This is a little bit better. I think one of the easiest ways that people lose weight by adapting their diet to exclude meat is that it's way easier to avoid fast food. At work though, i invented a sauteed mushroom and grilled cheese sandwich. It was pretty good. Apparently in some places Burger King and McDonald's have a veggie burger. Haven't checked yet to see if they have one here. lol. I'm thinking i might allow chicken once a month though, because Hubbs and i really do love our Buffalo Wild Wings. Hubbs is super excited about the NFL Draft, you'd think it was Christmas or something. He is that crazy excited. He really wants his team (the Seahawks) to get a good pick. It's really cute.

I started reading the Percy Jackson books, they are actually pretty good. I love finding a new author's style that i like. He has at least 3 book series out and i've got all of them on hold at the library. lol. I'm 3 books into the Percy Jackson series, and have the first 2 books of the Olympians series (which is still about camp half-blood, but with different main characters), still waiting for the Pyramid series or whatever it's called. The author, Rick Riordan is coming here next month to do a talk thing and i think i might try to get tickets. They're free, so cost isn't an issue, it's just a question of getting my schedule to allow it. I do kinda hope i get to go though.

Still no AF and a BFN

Well here we are at CD47, still no AF. Where is it?!? grrrrr. I took a test the other day just to prove to Hubbs that i am not indeed pregnant. Of course i'm not. Just what the heck is going on here?

In other news my butt is feeling better so that's a good thing.

I threw a baby shower for my sister-in-law yesterday. Went surprisingly well. Even though i spent a lot of money on it and no one offered to pitch in, only one person made a headband, and only one person ate my cupcakes. Why did i even bother making all of that crap. Also, like 50% of the party cancelled about 10 mins before it was supposed to start. So that was interesting. The punch i made was effing delicious though. For serious.

Imaginary Pregnancy

So Hubbs is convinced that i'm pregnant. I don't know why, but he is. This would be like, day... i mean sure, we're on cycle day 48 today and AF is still nowhere in sight. Maybe i haven't O'd yet, or maybe i have. Who knows. One slight disadvantage to not tracking fricking anything this cycle. I still need to research whether or not going off Clomid lengthens your cycle, i'm pretty sure it does.

Anyway I don't know. I'm gonna take another test next week. It's just a super weird cycle. Hubbs is really happy about this imaginary pregnancy. I know deep down that there's no way, absolutely none that we magically get pregnant the first cycle after being referred to an RE. It just doesn't happen. Maybe it does. But not to us. We're not lucky like that.

So we're trying to apply for individual health insurance. Hubbs' application is still pending and i was rejected the same damn day i applied. I'm now uninsurable due to PCOS, infertility, metformin, and being a giant fatty. There was a picture of me from something a few weeks ago... and i seriously just had to take a step back and say to myself "holy $hit, you have gotten really fat" It was super depressing. I need to do something, even with a broken ass, i need to just give up and become a vegetarian or something. Anyway, so now i'm applying for the high risk pool insurance coverage. Hopefully i get it. Coverage would be able to start in July, so that'll be nice. But i am seriously going to make a conscious effort to actually lose weight. I will make some goals here so that i can be held accountable... even though i do this blog anonymously.

1. No meat. Fish is the only acceptable protein.
2. Eggs/cheese/milk are ok.
3. No soda/sugary drinks.
4. Exercise for at least 30 mins every day.

And that should be good to start. I'm not going to do this by weight, because i'm too lazy to buy a scale, so i'm going to go by how my clothes fit and how i feel.

Broken Ass

So i went to my first skating roller derby practice and made it about 10 mins before i broke my ass. I bit it so hard. I fell hard enough for people who fall all the time to go "holy crap are you ok?!?" I'm seriously 90% sure that my tailbone is broken or at least very badly bruised. I waddle like a duck now. Hubbs was sure to make fun of me last night whilst we were at our local NBA game.

So i called off work today because it seriously hurts to sit, stand, bend over, do pretty much anything i would have to do at work. Good times.

It was funny, at the game Hubbs chose to specifically root for the opposite team as me. mine won. We did have a lot of fun ribbing each other and stuff. So that was awesome. =P

I peed on a stick the other day just for fun, cause AF is still nowhere to be seen. BFN of course. Have no idea what's going on with that. I'm guessing it's just that since it's the first cycle post clomid that things are just delayed, but i don't really know for sure.

Pretty sure Hubbs is also kind of happy i broke my butt cause now i'm not trying to jump his bones every day. I'm like a crazed sex-fiend, and my broken ass has cured me of that, at least for now.

Where Are You AF?

So where the heck is AF? Seriously. I don't know if it's cause this is the first non-clomid cycle since we started, but should that make AF just show up whenever the heck it wants? Grrr. I'll wait another week and then i'll test just for funsies. Cause if it turns out that i'm pregnant, i will literally die laughing.

In other news, both of our new jobs are still going really well, and we like them a lot. I've also started volunteering with my local roller derby team. I've decided to start out as a ref and see if i want to go from there. Those girls kick some major ass.
I've gotten to the point where i'm more accepting of the fact that it may be a long while before we're parents. Babies seem to make me cry less, and I only feel a slight twinge of annoyance when yet another friend announces their pregnancy. I feel like this is a great step forward in the healing process.

How's everything with all of you?

Roller Derby and Post #100.

Apparently this is my 100th post! who knew?! Man, time really flies when you're in a pit of IF misery. lol.

For a few years now, i've wanted to join roller derby. I've finally put in a request to be a referee. Hubbs is totally behind this, lol. He thinks i'd be awesome at roller derby. I feel like reffing would be a good way to learn the game more and find out if it's something i'd really want to do.

We've been goofing around with potential names if i ever do it. So far the leaders are...

Ginger Snapped

She-nag-again

Hellga the Horrible

Veloci Wrecked-her

Storm Break-Her

Fluffy Nerf Hurt-Her

Cru$ha

Carhop Bebop

Uniscorn

Hellena Hand Basketcase

Gozer the Destruct-Her



I'm sure there will be more to come. lol.

Lack of Posts.

Maybe it's because i feel like i don't have that much to talk about now that our baby-making stuff is on hold. Maybe it's because when i get home from work, generally around 1-2am i am so darn tired and sore that i don't want to do anything at all. My legs, back, neck hurt like heck. lol. I have no idea what i did. lol. I'm sure all of this though is far less painful and uncomfortable than being pregnant... maybe. lol.

Hubbs really likes his new job, and despite that mine gets crazy busy sometimes, i like it. I can't wait till i actually get my skates and get to fly around delivering delicious goodies to people, but the drive-thru will do for now.

Hubbs and i have gotten into the march madness a bit. I was big into making brackets in college and went a little crazy with it. So the two of us have our own little bracket tourney and so far i'm beating him by 3 points. lol. We'll see if my lead keeps up, but i hope so. Victory shall be mine!

Today my shoulder area hurts really bad, and i have a pain in by Righty that i'm really hoping isn't a cyst. I'm just so very tired.

It's been hard the last few weeks. Hubbs works mornings from 7-12:30. He gets home and likes to nap. I wake up around 11:30am and then putz around and go to work around 6-7 and stay till 1-2am. We really only get a few hours a day to spend together. He would prefer to nap for most of it though. For the most part he's awake when i get home, but goes to sleep shortly after. He's actually napping on the couch right now whilst i blog. lol. I have the day off today, and once he wakes up we shall have a fabulous day together. I imagine this is kind of like what it'll be like 10 years from now, when we both have real jobs, hopefully kids, and whatever else. Enjoy those precious times where we actually get to spend time together.

New Jobs!

Hubbs and i are both super excited because BOTH of us start new jobs tomorrow. We got hired a day apart cause we are just that awesome. Hubbs is the new long-term sub at the local high school and i am going to be a skating carhop at Sonic. We are so incredibly excited about having jobs that we could possibly enjoy. Hurray for us. We had a celebratory dinner at one of our favorite restaurants and gorged ourselves on delicious grilled meat. lol.

I feel so much better. AF seems to finally be over and i'm far less emotional and definitely not as stressed. Hopefully we'll be able to save up enough with these new jobs to get health insurance, and then continue on this journey to conceive.

Hubbs is so cute, he's been looking at ring upgrades for me, even though we upgraded my engagement ring over the summer and i get crazy compliments on it. He says he won't buy one for a few years, he just likes to have ideas ready apparently. It's completely adorable.

AF Time

AF came last night. My temps have dropped back down. This sucks. Seriously sucks. I'm debating about whether or not to even chart my temps this cycle. Having to take my temp every morning is such a reminder about this struggle and how awful it is. I was talking to Hubbs about it last night when i was sad about AF. He told me he didn't realize how it was an every day struggle for me. He knew it was something i thought about occasionally, but didn't know how much it weighs on me. I guess it's better now that he knows. There are some days where it really is better though. I think refraining from temping every morning and not actively trying to get pregnant will help a lot with the mental and emotional toll IF has on me.

So yes, we are officially taking a break. We can't afford the RE consultation, can't afford health insurance right now. Taking a break is best. My body can relax, hopefully my bewbs won't hurt as much. Hopefully i'll be less of an emotional mess. I'm going to try harder to be patient and understand that while yes, other people can randomly make babies whenever the heck they want but no, i cannot.

In other, better news, i had a job interview yesterday. It was with 2 different managers. The first one seemed like he was brushing me off and kinda hated me. The second one however seemed to like me an made allusions to "schedule next week" and "accept hire offer online" so i'm 95% sure i have this job. I am extremely excited about it. I was so tired of never getting any hours at my current job. An average of less than 12 hours a week is not enough to help out at all. Hubbs STILL hasn't gotten any hours at all at his job. He got hired like back in october. They don't do paid training, he's literally been working there for almost 5 months and has gotten NOTHING for it. He's gonna start looking for something new now.

We're doing ok with our whole "low carb" thing. We're trying our best. Sometimes it's hard. We really don't have that much non-carb loaded food around the house, but we're trying our best. Hubbs made a chicken/veggie soup thing the other day which was quite good. He thinks he can't cook, but he really can. Following a recipe is super easy and he is super awesome at it. I'm psyched to see what he's gonna make for tonight.