What's Next?

Well another month has come and gone. Exciting things are going to happen and soon at that.

Hubbs started school Monday.

I start school Tuesday.

There's an 80% chance we're buying a scooter in the next week.

Sunday we have our first meeting to officially start the adoption process.

I find out tomorrow (technically today) if I get the job I really really want.

So despite the fact that I'll be going to school from 7:30am - 10:30am, possibly working from around 11am - 5pm, and then working from 6pm - midnight, I will try to post every day. There has yet to be a month that I've stuck to that... lol. It's just so hard! Half the time I just don't feel like I have anything of worth to say. For the most part, everything seems on the up and up for us. Here's to hoping is stays that way!! =)

Including the Childless

Today was the final day of family fun time. Ended with a baby blessing and a spontaneous luncheon and photo session. Hubbs' Grandparents, Parents, and his family that lives in town with their brood of kids were there as well. Everyone was dressed up and they decided to do an impromptu photo shoot to commemorate the joining of 4 generations of family.

Of course Hubbs and I were relegated to camera holding and photo snapping whilst the happy families and their ability to produce children were proudly displayed. After about 5 minutes of this, anyone would start to feel like a 17th wheel. Lol. It was really quite hard.

I have to say though, I am so glad for Hubbs' eldest sister. She's sleep deprived, caught a severe cold from her mother, and very tired of hosting family with a 2 week-old baby... but she remembered to include us. She wanted a picture of us with all 4 of her kids which made me feel very loved, included and happy. I feel very lucky to have her in as sister and to be a part of her kids' lives.

I think it's very easy, whether at family gatherings or what-have-you, when everyone is gathered around and fawning over the kids, to forget about those who aren't lucky enough to have kids just yet. So if you see a childless couple standing off to the side... don't be afraid to make them feel welcome, to make them feel included, even for just a little while. Sometimes, being around kids is extremely hard, especially in situations where it points out how out of place you are without them. It can make the world of difference to someone going through a hard time.

I Think AF is Confused

So it's supposed to be AF time. My stupid cycle predictor has been claiming it for the last week... and yet all I've seen is a minute amount of spotting. Like little enough to make you go, wait, what?!? Something weird is going on here. See here's my chart! I really wish I'd tracked temps... oh well.



AF is totally just f*cking with me at this point I just know it. Everything is lining up great. I'm all set to start school, I've lined up at least 2 job offers. Still waiting to hear back from one and have an interview for yet another on Tuesday.

For the first time ever in the history of our marriage, getting preggo now would be the worst possible timing ever. I'm going to test tomorrow.

2 days of spotting plus lower back pain and the fact that we actually had sex around the "right time" is leading me to believe in the very off chance that there could actually be something prenatal going on up in my lady bizness.

Fearing the test tomorrow. It's so weird, after spending so many months, so much money, and so many doctor's visits wishing and hoping for those 2 little pink lines... I have absolutely no idea how I would feel if they actually popped up now.

I feel like I'm kind of on a roller-coaster here and I'm just gonna go along for the ride. Let's see what happens!

On to Bigger and Better Things

Very exciting things have been happening in the land of IF.

A few months ago, when I desperately needed a job or else we were going to starve, I couldn't find one to save our lives... now I'm racking up the job offers and interviews and shooing others away with sticks! In a little over a week I've scored 4 job interviews and 2 job offers. I've started training at one job, which is a contract job that only goes till October. I interviewed for job #3 today and I seriously hope I get it. It sounds like it would be absolutely perfect for me and fits into my schedule amazingly. I'll find out tomorrow if I've gotten it or not so keep your fingers crossed for me! It was weird, in the interview it was super obvious that they really liked me, but later made sure to make it seem like I wasn't the only one who applied and that they would "let me know by the end of the week" which is tomorrow. lol. The job posting had been open for almost a month already by the time I applied and they got back to me insanely quickly. I don't know, I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I really want this job!

Hubbs goes back to school on Monday and I start my night shift at job #1. We're going to see so little of each other!! At least we'll still have the weekends for funsies. Things are FINALLY on track for me to start school. Not sure if I'll start Sept 4th or 17th, but either way, the wheels are in motion! Hurray!

Hubbs' family is still in town, they're leaving Monday I think... So begins the weekend of jam-packed family time. I have to miss the shenanigans tomorrow though for my last day of training. It's so cool, I get into the office my scanning my thumbprint! So high tech and amazing! Makes me feel like I'm in a spy movie! Lol. Saturday should be good though, there's gonna be some sort of KFC BBQ type thing.

In other exciting news I'm studying to get my motorcycle learner's permit so I can get a scooter! EEEK! I'm soooo excited for my scooter! It'll be easier to commute that way and this way Hubbs will have the car for school and I can bounce around from school to work and not have to waste tons of gas. I love our Subaru, but holy jeepers does it om nom nom the gasoline!! It'll be a nice change of pace to spend $3 and get 100+ miles out of it.

Vegas was good. Hubbs got so sunburned, I butchered my foot and still have trouble walking, but it was nice to see the doggies and my family. Apparently my parents have decided that they're selling the house and downgrading. May complicate visits in the future but good for them. Hope they find something big enough though, cause we would really rather not have to stay with my brother and his wife who may or may not be getting divorced. It was super awkward, but I guess my parents are really hoping it happens. All I'm saying is if it does, I better get my grandmother's ring that my brother gave to her. I've been wanting that ring ever since I was little, not just as a way to remember my Grandmother, who was amazing, but also because that ring is effing gorgeous. Sure it won't fit my fat fingers... but I wants it! It's mine! My precious!

Also, next week we're having our meeting to discuss getting started on the adoption process. The first step in a very long and I'm sure very emotional roller-coaster-y road... but we are so incredibly thrilled to be starting on this journey!

Anyway. I'll keep you all up to date on all of the exciting things going on around here. Leave a comment, say hi readers! It'd be nice to know that real people stop by and not just bots. =)

Sometimes You Just Need a Laugh.

When plans for the future fall through, and nothing seems to be going your way, you really just need a laugh.

I'd heard this a while ago back when it was just the two of them in front of a white wall, now it's a full blown music video. Garfunkle and Oats, oh how you get me...

Here's to hoping things start on the up and up for us in the future. Lol.

I Take it Back

So the screams of my SiL have been haunting me. Last night and the night before I totally had nightmares about people giving birth! I think I've been scarred for life! I have absolutely zero interest in ever having a baby pop out of my vagina. This just might be the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. As an infertile, being unable to make babies plagues your every thought. You see their cute little faces and go aww, I want one! No more, people... no more. I have been cured! Not of infertility, I'mma rock that b*tch for the rest of my life, but I have been cured of my desire to HAVE the babies myself. Best day ever. I think if every woman could actually go SEE a woman giving birth, like with their own eyes in the same room, not on a tv screen... it would so cure them of baby fever or any desire whatsoever to reproduce. They should start this in middle school health classes instead of that crappy video. Seriously. I would have waited even longer to have sex. Heck, we went to the store yesterday and even though I can't make babies I was still seriously considering buying condoms. lol.

Sure I still want children. Hubbs and I are even talking about fostering instead of adopting right away. Our state has a foster-to-adopt program. Basically with children under 5, you foster them, but if their family issues don't get worked out, then you have the option to adopt. We're still thinking about it, but at least it's on the table.

No longer are my thoughts consumed with the fact that my insides are broken. I couldn't care less. I cannot even begin to express what an unbelievable relief that is.

In other news, Hubbs is done with his summer classes and has about a 2 week break before fall semester starts. At this point I have about 3 weeks before my classes starts. He totally rocked all of his finals and got A's in pretty much everything. What a showoff. lol.

Tonight we're going to a BBQ over at Hubbs' other sister's house. Obviously not the one that just popped out a human. lol. Should be fun. We really don't know the other people going all that well, but hey, maybe we'll actually make some new friends for once.

This idea randomly popped into my head the other day, and I was bored, so as of right now, I'm about 4 chapters into a book. I have no idea what I'm doing, but it is a fun, nice distraction and feels slightly more productive that playing WoW all day. I had Hubbs take a little read and he definitely likes the concept. I feel like I'm struggling a bit with the dialogue... oh well. Practice makes perfect and hopefully, buy the end, I'll wind up with an almost readable piece of crappy literature! Go me!

BabyWatch2012 Concludes!

When my SiL first suggested that I be there for the birth of her next child, I was hesitant. Frightened of the images from my past, portrayals in movies or the everlasting horror that was the Miracle of Life video most of us were forced to watch in middle school... a part of me, however, was intrigued. How many other times in my life would I get the opportunity to actually see someone give birth? I was thinking none. lol.

After one early labor that was stopped at the hospital after about 3 hours... the day had finally come. The SiL was scheduled to be induced on 8/9/12. We went over to their house, Hubbs stayed and watched the kids whilst I headed off to the hospital with the noticably more relaxed than last time couple. Check in was much slower, paperwork actually got filed, all very boring blah blah.

We get to the room and she's only at 4cm. They called the doctor, but uh-oh, he's magically delayed and won't be there for another hour at least. Good times. She finally caves and allows them to start her on a tiny tiny dose of petocin before the doctor gets there. He arrives, the petocin really hasn't done anything so he breaks her water. Icky. Seriously. Lots of complaints of cold wetness and light pain later... still not really dilated that far.

Lots of waiting and occasional wailing later, the SiL gets the urge to go to the bathroom. From the depths of the loo I hear wall-shaking screams of what must be intense pain. She says she's getting the urge to push, nurses run in, check and tell her to go ahead and push. A few pushes later they tell her to stop. Turns out she's only dilated 6cm. At this point her back is killing her, from some sort of terrible horror called "back labor" it sounds awful, do not recommend. lol. From here she's in so much pain she yells for an epidural. The doctor is just hovering outside her door because he knows that any minute that baby is gonna pop right out. About halfway through the anesthesiologist stabbing her in the back with a giant ass needle.... she knows this time for sure that the baby is coming. She yells something about how there's no way she can stop it and gogo! The anesthesiologist starts throwing stuff just to get it in fast enough so she can lie down and push. The doctor is frantically putting on gloves and getting on his green scrub shirt thing. Literally 3 pushes later I have an adorable little niece! Especially once they cleaned her up a bit. Way cuter. Lol.

A few things that stuck with me. Holy crap giving birth is a horrible, terrible, messy, messy, terrifying thing... but at the same time. There's something incredibly magical about it. When the SiL and her husband got to see their baby for the first time it was absolutely amazing. You could see the absolute complete love in their eyes.

I'm kind of a jumble of emotions... I'm relieved at knowing that there's a good chance that I will never get to experience the act of bringing life into the world. At the same time though, a part of me is a little sad. Not getting to feel that relief of knowing the worst is over and getting to see this tiny little person I'd carried around for so long for the first time. At least though, I'll get to say I saw it at least once. I got to hold a minutes old infant in my arms and fawn over her. I was the very first family member (aside from her parents obviously) to welcome her into the world. She looked up at me with those sparkly eyes and tear-streaked chubby little cheeks and I got to introduce myself as her aunt. She won't remember that moment, but I am certain that it will stick with me for the rest of my life.

Welcome to the world my beautiful pudgy little niece! Born 8/9/12 at 10:43pm weighing 8lbs 11oz and 19in long! I am honored and very happy that I was able to be there!

Anniversaries and Exciting New Things

Hubbs and I celebrated our anniversary on Tuesday. He had me close my eyes and drove me around for like 20mins mostly because he wound up getting lost! rofl. He got super annoyed at me because I have an awesome internal compass, so I totally knew where we were. He eventually told me where we were going because he couldn't find the restaurant. I was indeed super surprised! We went to an Indian place! I absolutely LOVE Indian food, but in the 2 years we'd been married, for some reason, we never had any. It was delicious and awesome. After that we got some delicious DQ treats and watched Piranha 3D. The stuff magic is made of! Overall it was a pretty awesome day.

Tuesday is also when I got everything all lined up to start school in a few weeks! Technically I could have started on 08/21, but the financial aid people are all backed up and therefore I'll have to wait till 09/04. Hurray though! I'm finally starting.

In other news, just when we'd given up that Hubbs was going to get his old job back for this school year, he got called for an interview for Friday!! Very exciting stuff. So much of our financial burden will be lifted if he can get this job again. So here's to hoping! Keep your fingers crossed for us!

BabyWatch2012 concludes tonight!! The SiL is getting induced tonight at 8pm. She's really hoping the labor is short, considering her last kid seriously popped out in less than an hour! We're both going over to their house around 7, Hubbs will watch the kids and I'll tag along with the SiL and her husband to the hospital. I'm nervous but excited to see a baby being born! It will be pretty awesome. At this point, since I've pretty much given up hope on having a biological child, it'll be nice to see the whole thing. Even though it'll probably be really gross too. lol.

Hubbs' mom is coming into town on Monday. I totally knew we were going to get the call to drive her down here from the airport. The airport is not close... it's over an hour away. We have to drive all the way up there just to get her and come back down. I called it. Just because we're the only couple without children, people think we can just do stuff at the drop of a hat. Boo. Luckily, the MiL will have lots of new grand-babies to distract her and hopefully won't miss us being around.

We're heading to Vegas next week! We'll leave Thursday morning and come back Sunday. I'm kind of looking forward to it. Pool lounging, fine dining, and puppy playing will be way fun. Have to remember to bring the allergy medicine though. I always forget and then spend half our time there sneezing like mad! It'll be nice to see family too because now we won't get to see them for Thanksgiving like we originally thought.

The week we get back, Hubbs' father is coming into town as well! It's going to be crazy. They're planning a whole weekend full of family fun, which for me, gets a little overwhelming. There are 4 people in my immediate family. Mom, dad, brother, me. Hubbs has 8 people in his immediate family. Not to mention the crazy number of aunts and uncles that always seem to pop up. I'm going to need a nice little Vegas vacation to mentally prepare myself for the onslaught of relatives and the incessant questions about why we don't have kids yet.... bah. Maybe keeping our infertility a secret is a mistake at this point. We've been dealing with this for a year now, the first half of which we suffered alone. Hubbs' two sisters that live here know about our struggles, but not the rest of the family. I guess I just hate the idea of everyone knowing our business. I'm a private person! Which of course is why I choose to anonymously bare my soul for the whole of the interwebz. lol. Oh well, I'm sure once we've started the adoption process officially, we'll announce that and it will keep everyone from asking us when we'll have kids. We can just say "whenever the agency decides to give us one!" instead of being tempted to yell at them and say "we can't have any and thanks for bringing it up!" definitely a more positive interaction. lol.

Tomorrow!

I am super excited because tomorrow is Hubbs and my anniversary! Two years! While that may not seem like that long, we've been through a lot in these two years and those struggles have definitely made us stronger as a couple. We've had some highs and lows, but overall I have to say, these two years have been pretty awesome and I can't wait for the next 50! Lol.

Hubbs still won't tell me where we're going. I'm looking forward to the surprise. I'm going to surprise him with lunch at In-N-Out. That man loves his In-N-Out Burger. Seriously, if I let him he would eat there every day for the rest of his life. Which is weird, cause he loves pizza way more than burgers... but that In-N-Out just does it for him I guess. It is gonna be an awesome and epic day. It might even include a dinosaur museum. Any day with dinosaurs is automatically amazing.

Everything is getting all set up for me to start at that other school. It will be good. I'll go to class Monday - Friday mornings, babysit my nieces and nephew Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in the late afternoon/early evenings, and hopefully get a part-time job on Tuesday, Thursday, and weekends. We'll see if the job part works out, but the rest of it sure will! I'll finish school a lot sooner too, which will be nice. I can expect to graduate from the program in about a year.  I was so worried about the placement test I took today. Last time I took one the math portion kicked my ass!! Luckily, this time, with a little tutoring from Hubbs, I rocked it! Yay me! I made long division my b*tch!! Lol.

In other exciting news, at the end of this month, Hubbs and I are starting the adoption process. We are very very excited. We know it will take forever and could be years before we're placed with a child, if at all... but just being able to have that glimmer of hope is absolutely incredible. So look forward to posts about that in the near future!

The SiL still hasn't had the baby yet!! She's going to be induced on Thursday if our little niece refuses to pop out before then. We're seriously hoping it doesn't happen tomorrow, although it would be the best reason to have to cut our anniversary shenanigans short. It will just be nice not to be constantly on call. I really hate having to leave my phone on ring all night! Lol. It'll be great though because I'll at least get to experience the whole delivery room thing, even if it is second hand. I'll get to see what it's like and maybe come away kind of grateful that it is highly unlikely I will ever have to go through that!

Movie Trailer Tears and Other Things

Isn't it just so totally awesome when watching just a trailer for a movie makes you cry? Lol. Last time it was Big Miracle and I blame the fertility meds for that one. This time however I have no excuse. Seeing a trailer about an IF couple who gives up on having kids and then get a magical one totally did me in. So going to have to go see this when it comes out it looks really sweet. See! Totally fit in this month's theme in another post. Win! The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

 

In other news I spent the afternoon yesterday with my very pregnant sister in-law. We had some yummy lunch and got haircuts. It was a nice relaxing, fun day. Hubbs and I are going over to their house tonight for some dinner and game night awesomeness.

Last night was interesting. Hubbs got super down on himself for forgetting to apply for residency for the upcoming semester and was FREAKING THE HECK OUT! It took hours to get him back to normal. I told him it was no big deal and that the school could fix it really fast but off he went being all negative and weird. We'll get it all taken care of on Monday. We've decided that it would be better if I attend the school closer to us. This way I'll have the time and energy to maybe find a part-time job, and certainly the time to donate plasma, which would bump up our income a lot. So that's good. Heading up on Tuesday to take the placement test and get the ball rolling so I can start the first week of September. This way I'll also get to babysit my nieces and nephew a few times a week, which will also be nice.

I've been very good in sticking to my resolutions. I've even been tracking my food intake on sparkpeople and find it really helps if I plot out what I'm going to eat before I eat it, rather than after. Lol. That's how I wound up with a 3,500+ calorie day earlier in the week. If I plot it all out ahead of time, then I can actually eat within my daily calorie range of about 1,800. Go me! I've even tried drinking more water and switching to diet soda instead of regular. Hurray! Small victories ftw. 

Hubbs randomly mentioned to me the other day how much better it would be to adopt an older child. I tend to agree. We really have no desire to adopt a newborn like so many other couples. We're perfectly happy with a 1-3 year old. The adoption people we've been talking to say this should cut down on our wait time, but that's not the only reason we want an older one. Hubbs' eldest sister did mention that it might be a bit harder in the beginning because you'll likely have some behavioral problems to sort out before they start school, but since we're planning on this being our first child, it will be good that we'll have the time and attention to devote to correcting that. We'll see what happens. Technically we could begin the process as early as this month! With the way our finances are however, we think it would be better to wait until at least one of us has a steady job. I'm glad that we've gotten to the point though where Hubbs and I are on the same page about what we want in a child. Aged 1-3, male, and we don't care what race. So wish us luck with that. You know it's funny, we play the name game a lot and try to pick out good names for our future kids, we have a WAY easier time coming up with girl names than boy names. We have one boy first name we like and two middle names, but that's it. Girls we have like, four first/middle name combos that we like. We're silly. Especially since we know we want a boy perhaps we should start working on more options. Lol. 

We're thinking also about maybe taking a trip down to Vegas before the fall semester starts. Blow off some steam, swim in the pool every day, eat delicious food, and see family. Pretty much the only time we can manage it would be in two weeks, coinciding with the arrival of Hubbs' mother here. She'll be staying for three weeks though, so maybe she won't get offended that we leave literally two days after she arrives. Oh well. You can't please everyone, right? Besides, she'll have a new baby and her three month old other granddaughter to fuss over. We're not a big deal when compared to new babies. Lol.

A New Month and A New Outlook

I've decided that I'm tired of being a negative nancy (no offense to people named nancy) and that it is time for a change. Sure I've been trying to make changes in my life, none of which have really stuck. I have been charting my calories, which is good... but seeing just how many of them I've been eating is bad. Bad bad bad. Yesterday I ate 3,500+ oopsies. Anyways. I am going to focus instead on the things in my life that are awesome and go from there. Lol.

Hubbs still won't tell me where he's taking me for our anniversary on Tuesday. I can't wait. I bought him some candy. I swear, he asked me for candy! The man asks and he shall receive!! I'm looking forward to getting all gussied up for a night out on the town with my wonderful man.

BabyWatch continues and we're kind of hoping she's not born on our anniversary, but we'll see! Those little buggers (babies) are totally unpredictable.

Hilariousness. Thanks to FARK I've learned about something amazing which just might convince me to actually use google chrome. It's called Unbaby.me (link to article about it, not actual site. If you want the site, copy and paste. lol) it's an extension for google chrome that replaces photos of babies on facebook with more awesome things like bacon and kittens and puppies. BEST IDEA EVER. I wish I was technologically savvy so I could have invented it! I'm totally gonna use this sucker because seriously, my FB lately has been absolutely nothing but pics of new babies or announcements of new babies and it's a little overwhelming and incredibly annoying. Bring on the bacon and kittens!

This month's theme is "sweet" and I spent some time thinking about what on earth I wanted my first sweet mention to be about. Oh are you in for a treat! I'm going to tell you about the magical wonder that is the Chocolate Quesadilla. There's a restaurant here that makes it and it is to die for. I found a similar sounding concoction on youtube. Feel free to watch Guy Fieri's twist on it. 

 

It's the same basic idea but it's served with strawberries and whipped cream on top. It's inredibly sweet, like omg wtf I'm going into a sugar coma sweet, but oh so delicious. They go ahead and just melt a whole hershey bar in there. The chocolate is all ooey-gooey-melty and the cream cheese is warm perfectly complementing the cool sliced strawberries and whipped cream. The flavors dance on your tongue and you can't help but say "mmmmmmm" with every bite of fairy-dust-like heavenly goodness. It is by far the greatest sweet thing I've ever eaten in my entire life. I'm really hoping we make it a dessert stop for Tuesday. =)

At this point in terms of fertility treatments, we're obviously still not pursuing anything. The specialist would be far too expensive. We're going to start the process shortly to get on the adoption list. We've chosen the service we're going to go through and have everything all set to start in a few months. In terms of having children of our own, we're just gonna keep going at it like rabbits and hope for a miracle. Hey, if 44% percent of IF couples can get preggers on their own without any outside help, why can't we? Lol. Either way, we'll be happy with what happens. We're just gonna go with the flow and hope for the best... I think that's a good attitude to have. So here's to my new and hopefully permanent positive outlook on the future! Go me!