Everything is Looking Good

Well, so far anyway, it seems like things are on the up and up. My hCG is doubling every 48-72 hours as it should, my Progesterone is in the normal range, but not as high as the Dr likes, so I get to stick suppositories up my hoo-ha, that part sounds awful, and I'm starting metformin again just to be on the safe side.

I got them to remove the frighteningly scary "Pregnancy with Threatened Abortion" from my file, which apparently, had been put there in error. They only reserve that for when you have bleeding, which I don't, yay!

I told them that my cycles tend to be really long, so instead of now being 7 weeks, it's probably closer to 5. They did an ultrasound and after spending a long ass time even just trying to find my uterus, the Dr wasn't really sure he actually had. That's a scary thought. At the moment though, they have no idea how far along I am. Great. They scheduled me for another ultrasound next Friday, because they think that by then, the tech will be able to find at lest a gestational sac or something in there. Seriously, in my mind, I was like "awesome, my uterus has cloaking technology, way to go!"
I have much higher hopes for someone who does ultrasounds every day, rather than this ancient doctor who does one every once in a while. I'm still thinking about switching Doctor's. They were all much nicer this time around, but I don't know... maybe I'll give it a little more time and see.


I've also managed to get myself considered for a study in the area. They get first-time moms to participate to see why women have low-birth weight or early babies. I basically would go in once a trimester for an ultrasound and some labs, and get paid for my trouble. Free money? Ok, if you insist.
Even though it's even earlier than we though, and my due date is looking more like March, than February. I still want to tell people. I know everyone's like, no-no! Be cautious!  So far I've gotten a kick out of the shocked and excited reactions from our friends and family that we've told so far, and why not keep that fun going?

Since so many women go past their due dates on the first one, I'm totally hoping for a St. Patrick's Day baby now, Valentine's Day can suck it.

"Pregnancy with Threatened Abortion"

Dear Healthcare Provider,

I'm pretty sure you should actually talk it over with your patient before adding this frighteningly scary phrase to their file. When someone is already fearing the viability of their pregnancy and you randomly slap it in there, and they log on to check their conditions and stuff... it makes for a mild heart attack.
Whoever decided this was a good idea needs a serious talking to. I bet it was that ancient nurse who let me wait around for an hour and a half before telling me the Dr was stuck at the hospital. Who chalked up all my concerns to first pregnancy jitters or whatever. You don't know my history, lady, and I know that my risks are far higher than 90% of the women who walk through your doors, so shut your face, and make me and my baby feel important. Pretty sure I'm going to ask for a different nurse. This doctor better not be a douchebag.

 Sincerely,

Me.
....................................................................................................................
 Today I'm going in for the results of my 2-day apart Betas and my progesterone test. Both which I had to insist on getting. Seriously hated that nurse. Hopefully, I will hear good news, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.
I've been trying to figure out how far along I am, but most of those due date calculators take into account your cycle length as well... so I've heard anywhere from Feb 18th - March 6th. That's a huge difference! Hopefully the Beta levels will give them a better idea of how far along I actually am.
Part of me still really thinks its twins, but I'm not sure if that's just because that's what I'm hoping for. Maybe they'll throw in an ultrasound today to make up for being such jerks last time. One can dream. lol.
Yesterday I had my first real bout with morning sickness, I'd been burpy and weird other days, but yesterday I ate a blueberry muffin for breakfast. Baby does NOT like blueberries. I spent the next several hours feeling like I was going to puke and burping up a storm. I have what I like to call "an iron stomach" and I rarely puke. Yesterday was about as close as I get, so that was fun.
I'm also hoping that at this appointment, I'm less stressed. When I went to Planned Parenthood on Monday for my confirmation for my insurance application, my BP was 120/80 like always. Tuesday, when I went to the new Dr's office and bitch-nurse was taking my BP, it was 154/100. YIKES. I'm sure it doesn't help that I was nervous as all hell. I just need to remember to take deep breaths, relax, and try to let go of all of the fear. We'll see... 

Hints for Newly Preggo PCOSers

DO NOT READ THE INTERNET.

Seriously, once it starts getting into statistics and dangers, and blah bitty blah blah, I started freaking out a bit. Then I wizened up and stopped. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen, if I come out of it all with a real, live baby at the end, awesome. If not, well, at least I know I CAN get pregnant. I'm going to take each day at a time and just enjoy what I have while I have it.

Today I'm going in for my second beta, and then tomorrow is my first appointment with the doctor. Hopefully things are doubling like their supposed to and everything is hunky-dory in there.

Hopefully I'll also learn to live with the fear of wiping. I like, obsessively look to make sure there's no blood. If I keep doing that to myself for the next 7.5 months I'm going to go crazy. CRAZY.

I think I'll try to train myself to just think that everything is fine until proven otherwise. I'm pregnant, I'm happy about it, time to let go of the railing, throw my hands in the air, and enjoy the fricking ride.

Dr's Appointment of Blah and Sharing the News

I took a long lunch to go to my "OB Concerns" appointment, cause this is a miracle baby damnit, and I'm gonna make sure it's legit. I sat around for AN HOUR AND A HALF before they decide to tell me that the Dr is trapped at the hospital and would I mind rescheduling...
All in all, I wasted 2 hours of my day. They did however do a blood draw to check my Progesterone and HCG levels. I go back for the 2nd Beta Thursday, and then am seeing the Dr on Friday. Hopefully for my first ultrasound to hear the heartbeat (fingers crossed) and hopefully figure out how many are in there. I have a hunch it's twins we'll see if I'm right. lol.

Today is my father's 65th Birthday. I told them over the phone and they were super excited. This is going to be their first grandkid and they are over the moon. Definitely need to hope it's a real baby in there now. lol.

We're planning on telling Hubbs' family over 4th of July with a cheeky photo announcement e-mail thing. They have plenty of grandkids on that side, so they'll be like, eh whatever. At least by then we'll know how many there are so we can accurately report. I am large and tall, and apparently that ups my chances of twins. I'm also thinking that since my ovaries hoarded my eggs for so long, they released a few too many the one time they actually decided to release something.

I haven't started feeling nauseated yet, although today is apparently week 5 day 6. whatever, that's fricking 6 weeks. According to most, that's when the pukey-ness sets in. I've definitely been burping a lot more, but not really feeling gross.

I bought a little stash of healthy snacks for work. Hummus, veggies, nuts, whole grain goldfish crackers, and fig newtons for if I ever get a sweet craving, which honestly, I might be over sweets. I'm trying to drink my recommended amount of water, I suppose it helps that I'm obnoxiously thirsty all the time. I think I actually did 2 liters today, so go me.

I've also been obsessively pinning things on pinterest. What? It's never too soon to start planning your registry, right? I have decided though, and I don't know how possible this is with modern technology... but I want to be surprised as to whether it's a boy or girl or both. No one is allowed to tell me! I've told Hubbs he's allowed to find out, but he's not allowed to tell anyone and definitely not me. Let's see how far I get with this plan.

Anyone have any tips or tricks or words of warning or anything? This whole I'm-going-to-be-someone's-mother-in-8-months thing is starting to sink in. lol.

Pregnant

It's weird, when you've spent so much time hoping and wishing and trying, and expending all of this effort towards something, and nothing happens. When you've give up hope, start doubting whether you even wanted that thing in the first place... that's when it comes along.

I've started calling it my "Jelly Bean". I hate jelly beans after an ill fated class trip to Washington D.C. and I decided it would be a good idea to eat an entire pound of them. Sometimes, I call it "Little Midge" No idea if it's a boy or girl, no idea if it's one or two or more... but it's in there. Hopefully growing and hopefully working its way towards becoming a real, live, baby.

It still doesn't seem real. Maybe it's the way I protect my feelings, I always set myself up for disappointment, so that way, when things actually work out, it's a nice surprise. Just so many things can go wrong that I'm refusing to let myself believe I will come out of this with a real, live human. I'm not dwelling on all of the things that can go wrong though, and that's good.

We're not really waiting to tell people. I figure, what's the harm. Sure things can go wrong, but there are no guarantees in life, and we want to share our joy with those we love, even if its only for a little while.

So far, I've just been crampy, and headachey, and very very tired. Last night with dinner, I had a momentary thing with the chicken and I had to spit it out before I puked, but I'm hoping it was a one time thing. Apparently next week is when all of the morning sickness and all of that jazz is supposed to kick in.

I'm not eligible for my company's health insurance plan until after my 90-day probation, so that should be at the end of next month. In the mean time, I'm applying for state care because an initial visit at the OB is $230. MADNESS. We qualify for Obamacare based on last year's taxes, but I have no idea how to go about applying for that.

I'm going to pee on a stick at the doctor's tomorrow for the confirmation of the due date for the insurance application. Apparently doctors don't usually see you until 8 weeks though. 3 more weeks feels like so long to wait after knowing that it look so long to get here. Are my progesterone levels low? Do I need to start Metformin now? Is it implanted in the right spot? How many are in there? When do I need to worry because I'm O- and Hubbs is O+? Am I going to need to lose weight to insure a safer delivery?

Blarg. I need to just stop for a second and enjoy this ride. We're here, this is happening. Let's just go with it.

B.F.P.

Well readers, let me tell you... the universe has an AMAZING sense of humor. Just when Hubbs and I had given up all hope, and we started planning our early retirement, this happens.

 

I've been feeling crampy and weird, and definitely expecting AF to arrive. I thought I'd be funny and pee on a stick like I do sometimes when I want to remind myself that my insides are broken and not to bother holding on to a shred of hope that maybe this time will be different. 

Seriously, I did a double take. I was like... No... NO really.... WHAT THE FUCK!? Then I sat there shaking for a good 5 minutes. Hubbs had already left for work, so when he got home, I sprang the news on him. 

I was all sneaky about it too. I changed the desktop background on my computer, and was like, "Oh, I changed my background picture, want to see?" and them BAM!

I think we're both in the shocked stage and aren't really sure what to think. It's just such a HUGE surprise. So coming Valentine's Day 2014... a miracle, mystery baby of magicalness. 

Making Friends

Sometimes, when I meet someone knew, after about a minute, I think to myself "man, I would really like to be friends with this person." Once this thought occurs to me, I then get all shy and silent if we're in a group, an super nervous. Needless to say, I am not friends with any of these people.

I'm just so awkward. Even looking back, all of the best friends I've had were friends of people I'd become friends with without even trying, or maybe it was out of necessity.

As an adult, I am so challenged at friend-making. Sure I've got my internet friends, through WoW, etc. Some of them I've even met in real life and we get along great. I have no idea how to just go out there and make friends. Hubbs and I have lived here for 3 years, edging in on the start of year 4, and we have ZERO friends.

I assume you're supposed to go about it by meeting people with the same interests and then somehow figuring out that you should hang out with these people more often? I don't know. Anyone have any tips because at this point, I think we're that weird couple that everyone just avoids. lol.

The Oatmeal Wins Again

I find The Oatmeal hilarious and always head to his site for a good giggle, I noticed something doubly hilarious to me.

He has several "Horrible Cards" that are vastly superior to your everyday greeting card. Two of them in particular, however, would be absolutely PERFECT for Hubbs to give me because seriously... these cards are tiny little snippets of our lives.

It's like he's sitting on a tree branch just outside our window stalking our lives. Absolutely perfect. Perhaps there's a card in there for you too. (disclaimer, some of them are definitely not ok for kids. lol)

** Please note that all images in this post belong to The Oatmeal (aka Matthew Inman), I'm not trying to steal credit, please don't sue me. Go to his site http://theoatmeal.com/ and see all of the glorious hilariousness for yourself **

Farts are Funny

So... these little signs magically appeared in EVERY bathroom stall in our office park, men's and women's alike. WTF?

In other work-related news, it seems as though yet another promotion is right around the corner. I am extremely excited and very hopeful. I'll know officially likely by the end of the week, but I start training tomorrow. Hurray me! 3 promotions in about a month and a half? MADNESS! Also, I managed to snag a nomination for employee of the month for my very first full month with the company. EPIC!

Kitty Cat Achoo.

Hubbs and I are both allergic to cats, which is inconvenient considering we both really love cats. His allergies are more severe than mine, I lived with a cat just fine for several years.

We're lucky enough to live in a state where there are several breeders who specialize in the breeds touted to be more allergy-friendly than others. We've arranged to go meet up with a few of them, spread out over several months to see how well the allergies hold up.

Obviously, we would prefer to adopt than go to a breeder, it's mostly just to figure out which cat breeds our allergies can tolerate. In the area, we've got Oriental Shorthair, Sphynx, Bengal, and Siberians breeders to go visit. I've seen that a lot of shelters have Russian Blues, but I have no idea how we'd manage to visit with one without the presence of other cat hair and stuff skewing our test. 

Maybe the state we move to next with have a breed rescue for a breed that Hubbs' allergies will get along with. It'll be at least a year before we move anywhere, or can actually get a cat, but it would be nice to know that there might be one in our future.

I was joking the other day though that we should just have hamsters forever since they're easy and never poop anywhere you don't want them to and don't whine at you all the time to throw a tennis ball for them. lol. It will be much nicer when we actually have our own place with a yard, then it won't even be an issue.

Testing the Relationship

I don't know if there's a possible better test in a relationship than to have your "other" try to teach you how to do something.

Hubbs and I bought a "new" car. It's a total piece of crap we found on craigslist for $400. It might not look pretty, but at least it runs. The difficulty with this new vehicle is that it has a manual transmission. I cannot drive stick. I tried to learn once with my mother and that was a terrible, terrible mistake. I rage-quit after about a block.

Hubbs and I fared a little better. After mastering the whole "starting from a stop" thing, I managed to drive the 2 miles to his sister's house to show off our purchase. It went pretty well, and I only stalled twice. Hubbs was definitely trying to be encouraging, but he just kept saying "you're cool" and I always responded with "I KNOW I'm cool" Probably doesn't help that he uses "you're cool bro" as a sarcastic slap when he's gaming with his guildies.  He definitely had a frustrated tone, but was kind, patient, and gave helpful constructive criticism.

The scariest thing by far is when you stall on a hill, or have to start from a stop on a hill... has there ever been a more horrifying thing? Why does the car roll back so much and why oh why do you have to give it so much gas to get it going again? I'm not sure which one of us will be driving the new car to work... but until I get the hang of this whole "stick" thing, it's definitely not going to be me. lol.

Living a Lie

I've been living a lie for too long... I've been denying the truth since high school.

It's time to come clean...

I like Nickelback. 

It Does What Now?

I can't be the only person who saw this commercial and at first thought it was a sex toy... right?

 

These are the things I think about, whilst in bed, trying to fall asleep. Thanks brain, thanks.

Giggles at Work

At work, a company I call often has this song as its hold music every once in a while. It cracks me up every. single. time. Oh the delightful irony.

Roots

I should have paid closer attention to this month's theme before I decided to participate. Roots and Family History in general always got me down. In middle school we had to do an assignment for health class about our family history of medical conditions. I was excused and just got to write a paper on a disease I wanted.
I'm adopted, like so many people out there. Talking about my "family history" always felt like a lie. I am not really a part of these people. Their genetic background and ethnic identity is not mine.
On tests or job applications I always refuse to identify or just mark "other".
Looking at me, everyone just assumes I'm white, and maybe I am, but from where? Am I Russian? Swedish? Austrian? English? South African? Or am I not completely white at all? I would love to find out... but that's just not possible.
Hubbs' family has this incredibly long, rich history. They've traced their family tree all the way back to the way, way back... like 1000AD. That's awesome, but it's just another way that I feel left out.

The past few NaBloPoMo's I've been slackering. Busy with work and feeling slightly blue, I just wasn't up for posting. I think this month I shall redouble my efforts and actually post every day. Even if it's just a random observation or tidbit from the day. This is my new goal and I hope it works out. I think I felt daunted by always trying to have something worthwhile or meaningful to say... perhaps sometimes it's better to just keep it short and sweet.

To the new readers, welcome! To the old ones, thanks for coming back! This blog started out as Hubbs and my journey through the difficult world of Infertility. We're now moving on and choosing to remain childless, and we're ok with that. Here now, are some snippets of our lives, just the two of us... and a furbaby or two. Here's to June and yes, celebrating our roots.