Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Prompt Post #1

If you could permanently get rid of one worry, what would it be?

I tend to not worry. Even when Hubbs and I were dirt poor, had literally $2 in our bank account and were a day away from getting evicted from our first apartment we shared together. I didn't worry, and knew that everything would work out ok. I have a reckless optimism when it comes to believing that things will work out in life.

For some reason though, I can't seem to translate that optimism to a pregnancy. I don't know if it's because it took us so long to get pregnant in the first place, but the entire time I was pregnant with Ducky, I couldn't let myself enjoy it. I would go a day, maybe two, and then that little negative voice would start nagging me, telling me that something could go wrong, that things weren't just going to work out and be OK.

I wish I could get rid of that voice. This time around, I hear it creep back every once in a while. So far, I've known I've been pregnant for 15 days. In that 15 days I've heard more of that negative voice than anything else. It didn't help that my dating ultrasound put me at least 2 weeks behind where my LMP says I should be. This time, I want to shut that voice up. I want to be able to enjoy this experience. I have another 15 days before my next dating/viability ultrasound. In that time, I will endeavor to silence that voice. I will dwell on names, and come up with a middle name to go with the girl name I love. Figure out which middle name/first name combo for a boy, and every time I hear that little voice try to creep up and whisper in my ear. I'm going to tell it to shut the hell up and instead of listening to it, I'll talk to the baby instead.

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