Monday, June 22, 2015

Going Back to Work

I'm supposed to go back to work. Technically I was supposed to go back today. This is the 2nd or 3rd time I've changed my mind. I just can't.

Hubbs and I were talking the other day, and while he thinks of our son occasionally, I think about him all the time. I can't make it through more than an hour without thinking of him. Wondering how big he'd be now, if he'd be teething early like his big sister, how I would spend my days with him. These thoughts of him aren't all consuming, and they don't make me burst in to tears, but it does make it incredibly difficult to focus on anything else. I've realized that I zone out when people are talking and let my mind wander way too much.

It's been almost two months and while my body is mostly back to normal except for a random numb spot on my stomach, my mind just hasn't caught up yet. I don't want to force myself to go back to work, but maybe I should. It just feels like I should be ready by now, but I'm not. Perhaps I'm hiding from the real world a little bit, which is something I occasionally like to do.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel like I'm just grasping around wildly in the dark and I just need to grab a hold of something to lead me back into the light.

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