Saturday, January 5, 2013

Infuriating Comments

So this was not said to me, and thank goodness, because I seriously would have opened a can of whoop-ass on whoever had the nerve to say such a thing to me.

One of my very best friends, who has been married 6 months longer than Hubbs and me, is apparently told by people on a regular basis that by not having kids yet, they are being "greedy and lazy" SERIOUSLY.

First of all, you don't know someone's situation, so never ever even remotely think of saying anything like this to anyone. For people like me, who for the most part keep their IF struggles a secret, that is one of the most insulting things you can say. You have no idea that we, at one point, were literally saving up money to be able to afford our IF treatments. That we were actively trying every single cycle, scheduling sexytimes, taking temps every single fricking morning and waking up at an ungodly hour, even on weekends, to keep my temps consistent. Call me greedy and lazy now douchebag!

There have been a few times even in our own families where the kid question has been brought up. My parents have wanted grandchildren forever, like, when I was in high school... I think mostly because they realized it would be a very long time before my brother gave them grand-kids. Once I actually got married though and was in a position to possibly give them grand-kids, they slowed their roll and were like "you should wait and just enjoy being together." Shocking to me that they would prefer their collegiate daughter dropped out of school and live in their basement with their grand-baby over their married daughter and her husband announcing a pregnancy. Interesting. Hubbs' family on the other hand, despite having 7 grandchildren already, are all about the pressuring us into having kids. The joke is on them though! Apparently my father-in-law believes that I don't want kids or something and am holding Hubbs back from having any. Hilariousness. I think this is because after I witnessed the birth of their 7th grandchild, and I was traumatized by the idea of birthing anything from my lady-bizness, I voiced this opinion openly when they were in town. My bad. Trust me though, if we are ever going to be parents, you can bet your ass we'll be shouting it from the mountaintops and everyone will know, you don't have to keep asking.

I just don't get it. Sure, when you first meet me, ask if I have any kids to figure out if our kids can have playdates or something.... but once you find out I don't have any, don't ask WHEN I'm gonna have some! The real answer to that question is I have no fricking idea and it's not for a lack of trying. Sure we may never get pregnant on our own, sure we may never be able to afford whatever fertility treatment might work for us, sure we may never get chosen as adoptive parents.... These are possibilities that weigh on me a lot, not every day, thankfully... These possibilities are no longer soul crushing and constantly at the forefront of my mind. I've learned to just kick back and enjoy the time Hubbs and I have now as just the two of us, three if you count our furbaby, which, let's face it, he and I do. Maybe we will never get to be parents, but at least we'll be able to say we tried.


  1. We had been together for 20 years before I got pregnant. The reasons are our business and no one else's. I cant tell the number of times I wanted to scream "Just because you want to tell me way too much information about your family planning don't expect me to do the same." But I usually smile and mutter through gritted teeth something about God's plan. Usually does the trick.

  2. This is so true! My older sister got married, and I've watched her get bombarded with all the, "So, when are you having kids?" questions. It's so weird!
    I, on the other hand, am still in the, "So, any boys in your life?" stage, which is just as irritating.
    Btw, I found you off NaBloPoMo! :)

  3. WOW! I am amazed at how rude people can be! I never got those questions in the 7 years I was married before kids. Now that I have 1, I am being constantly asked when I am having another. Frustrating! I have found that a "we will work on that tonight" usually shuts people up. :)

    Enjoy the time you have to establish your life together before you decide to bring or not bring another tiny person into the mix. Being a family of 2 for so long strengthened our relationship and we were able to deal with a difficult newborn and support each other through that tough time.