Year End Wrap Up

The end of another year, Hubbs and my last year as "just the two of us". It's pretty crazy to think about.

The last few weeks have been rough. I'm on modified bed rest, being monitored closely for Preecclampsia, and overall just feel icky. I can't shake this cold and had to take a Christmas Eve trip to Labor & Delivery for high BP and some contractions. My platelets are dropping, but not to a scary level. I get the fun of blood work and a 24 hour urine test every 2 weeks. After the L&D trip, my Dr said it's not a question of IF I'll get Pre-e, it's a question of WHEN.

At this point, it's looking like we'll be lucky to make it to February. My doctor's office is just trying to get me to hit term and then it's likely I'll be induced. Basically, if things keep going the way they are, I'm going to pop out this kid in 5 weeks or less. It's kind of a frightening thing to think about, but I'm sure they know what they're doing. We've set up the crib and I've sorted all of the 0-3 and 3-6 month clothes and burp cloths and receiving blankets and such and they're ready to be washed. We have an overabundance of baby blankets, but I'm sure somehow we'll still run out.

Really all I have to do now is sit and wait and try not to get worked up or stressed out. Seems simple enough. I still sleep like crap and am starting to get grumpy about it. Hubbs just lays there snoring loudly next to me and it takes me well over an hour to fall back asleep. Oh how I envy his ability to just conk the eff out. Yea, yea, treasure the sleep now cause when the baby comes, blah blah. Through the night I itch and scratch and can't get comfortable. I wake up every morning with a pounding headache and swollen hands. My feet are starting to get fat, which is fun, I can still see my ankles though, so that's a win in my book.

I think I vaguely recall before I got pregnant and was struggling with IF, I hated the pregnant women who complained, knowing that I would trade with them in a minute. Yes, I am thankful that I get to have these symptoms at all, and should be super excited about the fact that in a month and a bit, I'll have a little girl to show for all of this effort and pain.  At the moment though, all I want is a nap and I woke up an hour and a half ago... lol.

Jug of Doom Version 2.0

Hello my old friend. I was sent home with a delightful urine hat and jug number two. Apparently, I get to experience this fun every 2 weeks now. The BP is still hovering on the borderline of dangerous and if it gets high enough, it's off to the hospital and I'm probably going to have to pop out this kid far earlier than anticipated. 

I'm also now on modified bed rest. Really, this is what I was doing anyway since I got laid off, but now it's official. She pretty much told me to just try to spend more time horizontal than vertical. I can manage that I think.

It's becoming increasingly obvious with every visit that there is absolutely no way in hell we are making it to the Feb. 23rd due date. I so knew this was going to happen. I've told her about a couple of my other symptoms and she explained to me that if some of them don't go away with a warm bath or heat pack, I get to take a trip to Labor and Delivery for monitoring.

I feel like I should be more scared, but I really believe that everything will turn out ok in the end, so I'm not too worried. They've caught the problems early and are monitoring me closely, which I'm pretty sure is half the battle.

Is It Naptime?

I feel like I spend the majority of my time lately trying to figure out when I can take a nap. A lot of the time, it's whenever the heck I want.

Yesterday I tested for a job, and was invited back to interview today. I think it went well, apparently there are 2 open positions and they're interviewing 5 candidates. The nice part is, they maintain a list of the people who pass all of the steps, and then hire from the list as more openings pop up. Hopefully this works out because it would be nice to have a salary and a stable job for once. They also don't seem to care that I'm 7 months pregnant, and are totally fine with me starting the job in March or April after Ducky is born.

Hubbs' last day of school is today. Super proud of him for deciding to go back and finish his degree. He doesn't get to "walk" until May, but it'll be nice that he's done.

Tomorrow is my first bi-monthly check-up at the OB to make sure that my BP is behaving and I don't develop pre-ecclampsia. I've noticed some extra symptoms over the last week, luckily none of them pre-ecclampsia related, but I'm going to have to ask about them anyway. Better safe than dead has always been my life motto, and I think it's especially relevant in pregnancy.

Hubbs and I had a nice 3am pillow chat last night. Fears for raising a kid and what love means to us. I've never been overly romantic, and when thinking about marriage, I really just wanted to find someone I could stand to be around for the rest of my life. I think the way every person feels loved is different, and therefore the way everyone feels the emotion of love is different as well.

I've really been craving playtime with a kitten lately. I have no idea why. Maybe it's some sort of weird mothering instinct, but I am so all about playing with a kitten right now. I love those snuggly little purring furballs. Is there anything better than a tiny kitten napping on your chest? Why yes, Hubbs is allergic to cats, and yes, I am also allergic to cats. I pretty much just deal with it because they are so darn adorable. I also really want another pet, maybe I just desire things to take care of. I know that this kid will pop out soon enough and she'll take up ALL of my time.

I was slightly disappointed to learn that my insurance only covers a manual breast pump. If I get this job, it means I will definitely need an electric pump, although if I get this job, I'll be able to afford a fancy pump. I'm also hoping to be able to pump for Hubbs' shifts so he doesn't have to wake me up to plop a baby on my chest every few hours. I'm just hoping my boobs cooperate, because free boob milk sounds a lot better than expensive formula.

Well this post was all over the place, as per usual lately. lol. Something tells me it's time for one of my famous afternoon naps. 

Almost Forgot to Post

Almost forgot to post something today...


I had an eggnog milkshake for dessert. It was awesomely, magically, amazingly delicious.

Hormonal Mess?

I was under the impression that pregnant women were supposed to have crazy mood swings and be hyper-emotional due to all of the hormonal changes... I'm still waiting for that to happen. Maybe I'm just lucky and managed to escape the awfulness, or perhaps it's just waiting to strike.

Hubbs only has a week left of school and we're going to have a "super date" to celebrate next Wednesday. An afternoon trip to the movies to see "The Hobbit", followed by a delightful and delicious dinner at Carrabba's. We have a gift card for the restaurant, which will be nice, we can splurge and go a little nuts with it.

I cracked open the hot chocolate last night, big mistake. lol. I've discovered that Ducky definitely likes it so I think I'll have a cup a day. It's been pretty cold in the apartment and despite the fact that I'm bundled up in sweats and blankets, the cocoa helps keep me nice and toasty. Hubbs has forbidden me from messing with the thermostat anymore because at night he roasts to death. I really need to find the box that my slippers are packed away in...

29 Week Belly Update

From the one picture, I'd actually deluded myself into thinking my belly was smaller than in previous weeks' pictures. Nope... definitely not. It is getting pretty big. I'm hoping that since I have such a long torso that maybe it won't get too much bigger. Everyone keeps telling me that I "look great" though, so that's nice. I do think it helps that I'm still down 15lbs from before I was pregnant.

I'm probably spending more time than I should lounging around the house and napping. I'm going to justify it by saying that in 2 months, I'm not going to get any relaxing or sleep time, so I should stock up now. It is officially "pamper mommy time" up in this house.

I did get Hubbs' Christmas shopping mostly done. All that's left now are the little stocking stuffers that Santa will bring. Gibbs' present from Santa Paws came today, delivered by Santa's helpers at Amazon, so we'll just have to hide it from him until the big day.

Good News Everyone!

My labs finally came back and I don't have the diabeetus. Which is super exciting news, hurray for getting to continue eating ice cream almost every night.

My jug test of doom also came back within the normal range, so at the moment, I don't have preeclampsia, which is awesome. They're still going to monitor my BP and everything, but hopefully everything will be just fine.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that we're going to have a kid in about 2 months. A child... a living human that we are solely responsible for... it seems like a very daunting task. I think we're up for it though.

Hubbs' last week of school is this week, finals the week after, and then he is DONE! Hurray! His graduation ceremony won't be until May, but it's still nice that he'll officially be considered a graduate with a Bachelor's in something or another. I'm not sure which category Spanish falls under, arts maybe? It doesn't really matter.

His job is on hiatus now as well, and he's debating about getting something over the holidays until he gets to go back to work around February-ish. Pretty much whenever the snow decides to melt. It would  be nice to have a little extra cushion to tide us over the winter, but it's really up to him.

I have a job interview next week! Well, I'm testing for the job, and then they invite the people who passed to come back the next day for the first round of interviews. I've tested for this type of job on two other occasions, and have always made it to the final interview process. Here's to hoping this is lucky number three. I also have a slight advantage, since Hubbs works for the same city I'm applying in, they do a nepotism sort of thing, where they're more likely to hire you if you have relatives who work for the city. You just can't work in the same department. Also, they don't seem to care that I'm super pregnant, because training wouldn't start until around my due date anyway. Wish me luck!

Jug of Doom

Warning, this post is mostly about pee...

Yes, I did have to google "how to pee in a urine hat" because I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do with that thing. It's surprisingly easy. There is something very bizarre about peeing in a little hat that sits in the toilet, and then carefully pouring said pee into a ginormous jug that you store in the fridge between pees. It's definitely one of the most ridiculous things I've done in my life.

Luckily, I haven't had to pee much today. In fact, I don't think I pee nearly enough now that I think about it. With a monster of a baby kicking my bladder, surely there should be more of a need to pee. Maybe I just haven't had enough to drink today. I know I don't drink as much as I should, probably only half. I really need to start picking it up a bit. Apparently, being dehydrated can lead to contractions, which doesn't sound fun. DRINK MORE, ME!!! So far I've barely filled up any of the jug and on some of the forums online, chicks were saying they filled up one whole jug and needed a second one.... A SECOND ONE! At this point, I probably could have gotten away with a solo cup for how little I've had to go.

I think I'm least looking forward to my early morning pee, which lately, has been around 4am. It's the one time of day where my body is like "OMG GO NOW!!" I'll really need to remember to go to the fridge, and get my huge jug, and then go to the bathroom. Fun times.

I haven't heard back about my glucose test from yesterday, so I'm hoping that means everything was fine. Perhaps they're just really slow about results. I think the last time they tested me for a UTI, it took a week for me to get the results and that was only because I called and asked them about it.

Tomorrow, I'm curious about the logistics of carrying a giant pee-filled jug into the lab. Should I buckle it into the passenger's side on the way over? I know I'm supposed to put it in the bag they gave me, but it seems like a good idea to buckle it in also. I can only imagine if I get pulled over in the 3 minutes it takes to drive to the hospital.

 Officer - "Whatcha got there ma'am?"
 Me - "Oh you know, just the last 24 hours of my pee."

Good times. I almost hope that happens now. lol.

28-Week Check-Up

Ducky is still doing well, which is good. My BP is still a bit high, so I get to enjoy the magical wonder that is the 24-hour Urine Collection something or another. It sounds pretty annoying. Collect ALL of the pee in a 24 hour period and store it in a giant jug in the fridge... oh joy. I'm going in every 2 weeks now to keep a close eye on the BP and to monitor me to make sure I don't develop preeclampsia.

I had the blood draw for my 2nd RhoGAM shot, which I have to go back for tomorrow. I also got my 2nd 1-hour glucose test done at the same time. For future reference, the fruit punch flavor tastes way better than the orange. Eventually I just pinched my nose and chugged it down. If I fail this one though, apparently the 3-hour test is lime flavor, so that could be fun. It would be really nice not to have to worry about the diabeetus in addition to the possibility of preeclampsia, so here's to hoping this test comes back fine.  

I'd applied for a job back in September that I was excited about because it had a salary and everything. They invited me to test for it yesterday. Perfect timing... really. I'm going to ask when they think the job will actually start, because if it's not for a while, there's a chance I could still do it. If it's soon however, there's absolutely no point of going through training and then immediately going on maternity leave.

I think I'm just going to take it easy and relax and try not to worry about the things I can't control. Hopefully, at the end of it all, we'll wind up with a real live baby and everything will be just fine. 

Snow Day

Hurray for the first real snow of the year! Hubbs has the day off, since you can't really landscape a cemetery in the snow. Not sure what we're going to get up to today, but hopefully some hijinks.

Our dog, Gibbs, is a HUGE fan of the snow. I'm pretty sure peeing in the snow is his favorite thing in the whole world. It's hilarious to watch him prance around in it and get his little grinch-like paws all snow-covered.

Hubbs came home from his advisor meeting with my Christmas present all wrapped up and then hid it somewhere in our apartment. I guess I better get cracking on his present then. He wants a Seahawks beanie to keep him warm at work, so I think I'll get him that and a little something extra as well.

Tomorrow is my 28-week check-up as well as my 2nd RhoGAM shot and my 2nd 1-hour glucose test. Hurray for being special and having to do things multiple times... grr. Hopefully this time goes just as well because I really don't want to have to deal with the dreaded gestational diabeetus.

Third Trimester

We're coming around the home stretch. Crazy. Last month, I pretty much sucked at blogging every day, even though I'm home, not really doing much of anything at all. This month, I will endeavor to do better, even if it's just a sentence or two.

We'd gone to Vegas for Thanksgiving, so at least I have somewhat of an excuse for not blogging those days. We left on Wednesday, halfway through the drive there, I puked in the car. I haven't thrown up in a car... um... ever. I decided it was something I ate since the majority of it seemed to be dinner form the night before. Overall it was really gross and unpleasant considering we had to drive about twenty more minutes before there was a gas station where I could freshen up. I spent the rest of the day feeling icky. On actual Thanksgiving, I felt well enough to eat real food. I nibbled a bit here and there and it was fun to spend time with family. The next day we went out to this amazingly delicious restaurant that's become a new family favorite with my brother and his wife and my mom. It got progressively more and more awkward the drunker my mom and brother got, but that's pretty typical. The food was yummy. Our last night we went to the Cheesecake Factory and nommed more delicious things. Basically, the days were filled with lounging on the couch and binge-watching the Food Network while the nights were filled with scrumptious food. I'd say that makes it the perfect vacation. We ended our trip with a stop to Raising Cane's so I could give in to my craving for their obnoxiously good chicken fingers. It turned out to be a good idea because we were completely stopped in traffic on the freeway for a good two hours just outside of town. It was brutal. Getting home took about 8 hours total instead of the usual five and a half. That part wasn't so fun.

It's seriously shocking to me that we just hit the 3rd trimester marker. Before I know it, this kid is going to be here and that is pretty insane. Our apartment is full of baby stuff, but it's all still in boxes and gift bags, and I definitely don't feel ready. At this point, I'm doubting that I ever will feel ready and that's probably ok, a little fear is a good thing, right?

Lacking Motivation

I find it hard lately to motivate myself to do stuff. I've got this book that I've been working on since last November and I keep telling myself that I should finish writing it, but I don't.
All of the baby stuff is still packed and I have absolutely no idea how or where we're going to fit it all into our tiny apartment.
Maybe I should just relish in the small victories. I emptied and loaded the dishwasher. I cleaned the bathroom sink that has been dirty and bugging me for weeks. That counts, right?
Staying at home all day every day, now that Hubbs has to use my car since his is broken, I don't really have anything to do. I could clean up a bit, unpack the stuff that still needs unpacking, but I've been saying I was going to do that since we moved in here in August and obviously, we've done just fine without whatever is in those boxes. 
Tomorrow will be a busy day since I'll actually have the car. I have to get the car safety/emissions tested and renew our registration, buy some groceries, get a flu shot, go to the library, and swing by my Dr's office so they can copy my medicaid card.  Overall, I think it will be the most productive day I've had since getting laid off a month and a half ago.

I've been trying to figure out and guess how huge my belly is going to get from here on out. I'll hit the 3rd trimester in a week and a half, and it's all downhill from there. Considering how big this baby is going to get, I can only imagine my belly will be just as obnoxiously huge. It's seriously hard to find pictures of larger pregnant women on the interwebz, but from what I have seen, yea, my belly is going to get very big. Luckily, the scale has just started creeping back up now that Ducky has some heft to her, so by the end of this, I should still weigh less than when I got pregnant. Hurray for that.

As it becomes more and more obvious that my due date is definitely more of a guideline, and we're probably not going to make it that far, makes me think I should have done more by now. Are there parenting classes I should have signed up for? I start the breastfeeding one next month, but what about the other one? The one where they teach you important things, like how to keep your baby alive and change diapers and such. I definitely need that one. I still don't understand the concept of picking up/putting down a baby that can't hold up its own head. The logistics are confusing to me.

When do I need to pre-register at the hospital? Do I really need a birth plan? I'm thinking about going in and just seeing how bad the whole labor thing is, and then if it's terrible, asking for the sweet sweet drugs. I don't think I want an epidural though, because for the most part, local anesthetics take FOR-EV-ER to work on me. One of the other downsides of being built like a linebacker. Maybe I'll just have to suffer through the whole thing or maybe I'll get lucky and it won't be that long. This is one of those times where it would be really nice to know if I was late or early, or if I was a C-section or regular. Sometimes being adopted blows. My sister-in-law knows that her labors are ridiculously fast, so that's handy. The other one takes a bit longer because her babies' heads are always huge. No idea what is going to happen with me. Not at all. I'm pretty sure if when I'm in early labor and they try to send me home, I'll just plop in the waiting room and say "I have no idea how quick or slow this is going to go, so I'm staying right here." There's really no way to plan for everything, so perhaps I'll just go with the flow like I always do. Sure, it's nice to have a plan, but flexibility is important. I'd probably just get more annoyed because I wasn't following the plan I'd spent so much time thinking about.

Ugh, I am so unprepared. 

Ginormous Gigantor Baby

I had my last ultrasound for the New Mom Study that I'm in the other day. It turns out little Ducky isn't going to be all that little. I knew we would have a big baby, since I was 24in long when I was born, and Hubbs weighted 10lbs 6oz, so I guess it feels good to be right. At the moment she's measuring about 2 weeks ahead for height and weight. Luckily it looks like she'll have a normal-sized noggin though, she'll just be super tall.

She's been kicking up a storm. I definitely didn't realize how far up in my belly she'd gotten, until I noticed her kicking my ribs. I'm not sure if it's because I slouch when I sit or just because she's that darn big. Hubbs felt her kick last night, which I was excited about. It's nice that he can have that little connection with her, even if it's only every once in a while. She never seems to want to kick when we want her to.

She's definitely going to be stubborn, just like me. They tried to do a 3D scan at the ultrasound, but she refused to move her arm from near her face. She was wiggling it, kind of like she was trying to cover up as much of her face as possible. I know she doesn't have that mental capacity yet, but it sure seemed like it. lol.

I'm starting to get a bit more confident that she's definitely going to come earlier than anticipated, whether naturally or if they decide to induce me because they're worried she's going to be a big chunker. The midwife from a while ago is still very confident that I can pop out a 9 pounder no problem. Hurray for being built like a linebacker and having a cavernous pelvis apparently.

Here's the first pic we have of her looking less creepy skeletony and more like an actual baby.

11/11

Veteran's Day

Today I remember my maternal grandfather who served in World War 1 (yes, he is that old), My paternal grandfather who served in World War 2, My dad and uncle who served in Vietnam, all of my friends who have served over the years, and fear for Hubbs, who plans on joining the military in the upcoming year. I'm thankful to all of those who choose to serve and do their part to stand up for what they believe in.

Laziness

I have been supremely lazy lately. When it comes to cooking dinner, I just don't want to bother. I made a crock pot ham yesterday and roasted some carrots. Hubbs had the nerve to complain that I didn't make enough side dishes. I told him if he wanted more food for dinner, then he should cook it himself. I'm just not that hungry anymore, and half the foods I used to like, I can't stand eating. I'm not going to cook this huge dinner and watch all of the leftovers go to waste, like they inevitably do.

Sleeping

Naps are my new best friend. I just feel so wiped out and drained all the time. I thought this was supposed to go away in the 2nd trimester, but here I am, rounding the 3rd, and there's no end in sight.

Heartbeat

My heart has been acting a little wonky lately. Occasionally, my heartbeat will get irregular, skipping a beat or two every few seconds. When it happens, I definitely feel weird and can feel it beating in my chest. Sometimes it also slows down a lot. I usually run around 100bpm, but it drops down significantly randomly. I know it's one of those things that can happen in pregnancy, but I'm going to go ahead and call the Dr anyway just in case. It seems like one of those things where it can't hurt to check and make sure everything is alright.

Hello November

Last November was hectic, I had just lost my contract job and started substitute teaching. I participated in, and finished, NaNoWriMo, and I think at that point, we had given up the hope of having kids.

Things are definitely different now. Despite the daily boredom, I think getting laid off when 5 months pregnant was really the best thing to happen to me. I lost the sub-par yet expensive insurance that hardly covered any of my Dr's visits. Towards the end, when there simply wasn't enough work for everyone, I was only raking in about $100 a week. Granted, we feel the loss of that a bit come the end of the month when car insurance, car payment, and rent are due... but things are overall better now. I'm less stressed, I don't have to take time off work for Dr's appointments, and I can hang out at home with my emotional support animal and get ready to bring our daughter into the world.

We've almost gotten everything we need for the baby, at least, I hope so. There's still a lot of stuff on our registry that only one person in my family has gotten something for us from, but we have the bare essentials. I look at the boxes with the stroller, the crib, the bassinet full of diapers and blankets, and I think, "Hey, maybe we'll be ok."

I did wind up making gender reveal cake ball ice cream cones, with pics as promised, for the baby shower. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, since this is essentially the lazy way to make cake balls.

Transporting them was a bit of a pain, but it worked out pretty well. They were a big hit.

Had the 24 week check-up yesterday. Ducky's heart rate is good, weight, BP, everything looking alright. When I first get in, my BP is a little high, but once I sit for a minute, it drops back to normal. It still feels like I'm being stabbed in the vag every once in a while, but apparently everything is fine. So that's good.

It's so baffling to me that in 3 weeks is Thanksgiving. We're heading to Vegas to hang out with my side of the family. My parents are still planning on visiting us when little Ducky decides to make her grand entrance into the world, but it will be nice to see everyone else too. Just a short week after that, and we've made it to the 3rd trimester.

I know I've said this before, but seriously, how does time go by so quickly when you really want it to slow down? Before I know it, it will be February and I'll be a mom, complaining of all kind of fun things like my boobs and a general lack of sleep. Assuming we make it to February... The higher risk of preterm labor, preeclampsia, gestational diabeeeeetus. All of these things combine to make early delivery a very real possibility. Not to mention the fact that she'll likely be HUGE. I was 24 inches long when I was born, and Hubbs weighed 10lbs, 6oz. Ginormous baby is highly likely.

In the mean time, here's a pic of my 24-week fatty belly. So weird that even though my belly is bigger, I still weigh about 18lbs less than when I got pregnant. This one is a bit blurrier than the rest, oh well.

Tidbits

On my birthday, at dinner, Hubbs was adorable. We were eating our delicious burgers, and as he's lifting the burgery goodness to his mouth, he stops, puts it down, and cocks his head at me. I asked "What?", he said "I was just noticing how good you look right now." and I melted into a puddle of love goo. It was so sweet and kind, especially considering that I wasn't wearing any makeup and pretty much looked like crap.

My first attempt at cake balls was apparently a success. I still haven't tried one, but Hubbs has devoured most of them. I took leftover costco cake and mushed it up, and covered them in melted semi-sweet chocolate chips. It makes me feel a little more confident when it comes to the ones I'm making for the baby shower on Friday.

Speaking of which, I'm excited to reveal the baby's gender to our family at the shower. It's been fun having this little secret, especially since everyone else is dying to know. Gender reveal ice cream cone cake balls for the win! Perhaps I'll even post pics, because why not?

Hubbs' parents get into town tonight, so this is the last "normal" day for the week. Tomorrow is a family thing at night, Thursday is Halloween and we're all going trick-or-treating as a family. Friday is the baby shower, and Saturday is another huge family function followed by dinner with everyone. It's definitely going to be a trying week. They're so nice, I just get so tired socializing with them. I explained to Hubbs, that yes, I know they love me, and they're nice people, it just makes me feel kind of broken because I don't feel capable of loving them back. Knowing how to love parents really isn't my thing.

I have been feeling the baby kick, which is nice, but she can't quite kick hard enough to feel it from the outside. Apparently this could be because my placenta is in the front, which makes it more difficult to feel. Hopefully Hubbs will get to feel her kicks soon. It would be nice to be able to share that with him.

Even though the baby is kicking now, and I feel her every day... it still doesn't feel real. Like I keep waiting for the part where I wake up and find out it was all a dream. Maybe it won't feel real until I'm holding her in my arms. Perhaps even then I won't be able to believe that she's really all ours. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

I am still super annoyed that no one has bought anything off of the registry. Not a single thing. The baby shower is in 3 days, I'd like to believe everyone is just saving it for the last minute, but we registered at amazon... shipping takes time! lol. Half of the fun of a shower is getting showered with gifts so you're actually prepared for the baby. Right? That's half of the fun of a wedding anyway. lol. Here's to hoping it's all fine.

Funny story, Saturday was my birthday, and as we were getting our banana splits at sonic, the car broke down. We couldn't get it to start and had to push it out of the stall and into the parking lot to get a jump, which didn't work. A tow guy came and was actually able to start it, but said either the battery or alternator was shot. We drove it to the car repair place and parked it for the weekend until they opened on Monday. Monday, we went to pick up the car and took it to Auto Zone, where the tested the battery. We needed a new one, so bought it and Hubbs actually managed to install it. Pretty impressive considering he'd never done it before. The car still wouldn't start though. The guys from the store patched it up and replaced the connector thing, and the car came back to life. As we were getting ready to leave, Hubbs' car wouldn't start. Turns out, he too needed a new battery. Two brand new car batteries and $200 later, we had two running cars. It could have been worse, but seriously, we did not need that added expense considering rent is due in a few days and Hubbs' job only lasts for another 3 weeks.

Today is my brother's birthday. We're 10 years apart and I came home from the hospital on his birthday after I was born. It's pretty fun. We've always celebrated our birthdays together, granted, we don't live in the same state anymore, but it's a fond memory. We're not exactly "close", I mean, I don't tell him everything, but I know that he will always be there for me and supports me. Whenever I had something bad I had to tell my parents, I'd always tell him first and he would work with me to figure out how to tell them. I guess it helps that he's my lawyer. lol. Lawyer/client privilege is so awesome for situations like that. I'm pretty sure he'll be an awesome uncle too. 

Birthday

Here I am, another year older and as I reflect on my life so far, I'd say things worked out pretty well. I'm not where I thought I would be by this point in my life, but I'm close. I've got a wonderful husband and a daughter on the way. Over the course of my life I've definitely made some mistakes, but all of those helped shape me into the person I am today, and I like me. I have the perk of still looking quite young, so sometimes, I get mistaken for a 19-year-old, and that's certainly not a problem. It does get amusing when I get carded at rated R movies. I'm like... "you seriously think I'm under 17?!?!" and then I giggle and hand over my ID.

Sure I still haven't landed an actual career, and I'm even considering going back to school, yet again, after Ducky is born. I think it's a good thing though, that I'm not afraid of change, that I welcome it, and never fear starting over. Sometimes, when things don't work out, you've just gotta jump on in and try something else.

Hubbs and I don't have many plans for today. He's working most of the day, but we are going to have dinner at Red Robin and possibly check out a movie after. I'm not sure though if I want to see Insidious 2 or Despicable Me 2. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE horror movies, Hubbs is kind of a wuss about them, so usually, the only way I can convince him to go is if it's for my birthday.

Gibbs had a rough day at the vet yesterday, he had his comprehensive and dental work done. Poor little groggy guy. They did find that he has the start of tracheal collapse, which is not going to get fun as he ages, but hopefully he'll be fine and it won't get to the point where he would need surgery. His bouts of it are few and far between for the time being and let's hope it stays that way.

The baby shower is on Friday. I'm very annoyed that practically NO ONE has RSVP'd or bought anything off of the registry yet. I scheduled it early so it wouldn't interfere with the holidays, and also because Hubbs' family will be in town anyway for another family event. Maybe people are waiting till later in the pregnancy to buy stuff? But there is no excuse for missing an RSVP deadline. lol. If there's not enough food, no one better complain to me. Mostly because I'm not actually the host, my sister-in-laws are throwing it for me... but still. Another annoying thing, is that the other family event is Saturday morning. I thought it would be more convenient to have the baby shower Saturday afternoon or evening since everyone would be in town anyway. My eldest sister-in-law (who's daughter's event is that morning) said it would be rude to "share" the day. I think it's more rude to make people drive two hours to a family function two days in a row, but that's just me. Maybe they'll just bring gifts the next day and I'll get out of socializing for a few hours. Perhaps she's doing me a favor, really. I find spending time with Hubbs' family very exhausting. There are just so many of them. I come from a family of four and we rarely saw our cousins and uncles all at the same time. Hubbs is one of six kids, and his parents are each one of six kids, and a lot of his cousins, aunts, uncles, etc, all live in the same state. It makes for HUGE family get-togethers. 

I'm trying to figure out how we are going to set up the baby's crib (which let's face it, will just be a pack-n-play). We live in a 600 sq. ft. apartment, and there's really no room for anything. I'm thinking we'll put it in the living room, and that way, whoever's turn it is can nap on the couch, while the other person tries to get a decent few hours of sleep in our bedroom. I'm not sure how well this plan will work out, but that's half of the fun, right?

I think I'm going to treat myself to brunch at Cracker Barrel, because I've been craving it all week and it's just ridiculously delicious. Happy Birthday to me!

Baby Name

Hubbs and I have had a girl's name picked out for years. Pretty much ever since we got married. We both love it and the only way we're not gonna name her that, is if she pops out looking more like the back-up name instead.
It's definitely not a common name, and while it's not spelled weird and doesn't have a high risk of mispronunciation, the inspiration for the name does come from a video game. Some internet forums are like, "oh, don't choose that name, your kid will get bullied." Are these people stupid? Your kid can get bullied for any number of things, glasses, being tall, being smart, being stupid, liking green, thinking star wars is cool, etc. Kids can come up with terrible nicknames for any name, it's an evil, magical gift that leads to endless teasing.You have to teach your kid not to stand for that crap. Also, I'm pretty sure kids in elementary school by then are going to have no idea what the video game is. If they do, their parents are doing a terrible job raising them. Besides, the name is badass and I really doubt it will lead to bullying, I'm more worried about the fact that she's pretty much guaranteed to be over 5'10", which sucked for me growing up.
So f*ck it, we're naming our kid the name that we love. There are plenty of nickname options if she grows up to hate it. I can pretty much guarantee there will never be someone with the same name in her class. I think that's awesome. Growing up there were a million of me's in my classes and it pissed me off. It also pissed off all of the Jen's and Jessica's and everyone else with a super common name.
The best part, or what we think is the best part, is that when combined with her middle name, we get a cute "car" nickname. It's Hubbs' favorite car in the whole wide world, and we think it's cute.
It would be too easy for me to share the name, I don't want to jinx it, so we're going to wait till she's born to reveal it, but we are very glad to finally be finished with the name game.

Week 21 Wrap-Up

Wednesday:
Had the anatomy ultrasound. All of ducky's organs are properly formed and in the right place, so that's awesome. Everything looked good and she's measuring right on schedule, so hurray for that!

Friday:
Got laid off from my job that had promised me more hours and a promotion 2 weeks ago if I stayed instead of taking an offer at a different company for more money. The new job would have let me work from home as well, so that would have been nice. So now I'm 5 months pregnant, unemployed, and really not sure how I'm going to snag another job then go on maternity leave in 4 short months.

Friday night was fun, we went up to the city and splurged on an awesome dinner with the gift cards my brother and his wife had gotten us. We had the special, which started off with a wedge salad, and an entree of a bacon-wrapped filet mignon and crab-stuffed shrimp. We topped it all off with the best molten chocolate lava cake I've ever had.
Afterwards, we stopped in for a quick visit with Hubbs' grandparents, they're excited to have yet another great-grandbaby on the way and are always a joy to see. I haven't have a grandparent of my own since middle school, so it's nice to get the chance to have some now.

Saturday:
We lounged around most of the day and in the evening went out to our favorite Chinese buffet with Hubbs' other sister and her family. It was fun, we hammered out the rest of the baby shower details and had some delicious food.

Sunday:
Hubbs will be watching football all day, and I've been playing World of Warcraft since about 7:30 this morning. Overall, I think that's the perfect way to end the week. lol.

Hubbs' Birthday

Today is Hubbs' Birthday. I get to enjoy a short 2.5 weeks where we're the same age. lol.
I know sometimes I whine about him, but seriously, Hubbs is pretty great.

He is kind, loving, hilarious, handsome, great at laundry, supportive, and so much more. Sometimes his depression rears its ugly head and rains on him for a day or two, but there are far more good days than bad.

His current worry is that he's going to be a terrible father. I already know this isn't true. Not only did he babysit our 3 nieces and nephew for almost a year. He took care of our youngest niece like a pro. He's got the whole diaper, nap time, feeding, everything down. Even the play time stuff he's awesome with. I can see absolutely no way where he would fail at fathering. I tell him the fact that he's even worried about it means he'll be a good dad because terrible parents really don't give a hoot if they're terrible or not.

I met Hubbs at a low point in his life. He really didn't have much going on, he'd dropped out of college and was living back with his parents. Depression was really kicking his ass and there were times he wasn't sure he was going to make it. We met and he just lit up my life. I guess I made a decent impact as well. We were married less than 6 months later. We've had occasional struggles over the last 3 years, but overall, we've stuck and grown together and try to make the best of every day.

I am so lucky to have him in my life and as the father of Ducky.

Our real celebration is Friday night. We're going up to the city to use some gift cards my brother gave us. We're going to Fleming's. I haven't been there in forever, and Hubbs has never been, but it should be delicious. Yummy yummy steak. So tonight, since he has homework and internet nerd stuff to do. I'm going to fetch us some Arby's and let him do whatever he wants, because it's his day.

Eyes and Teeth

I love going to a new dentist or a new optometrist for a few reasons, but mostly because of the compliments. lol. I have naturally straight teeth and have never had or needed braces or a retainer, or anything fun. As a kid, I was super jealous because all of my friends had one or both, and I felt left out not needing them.
Going to the optometrist is fun because they don't often come across Central Heterochromia often and they get to oogle my eyeballs. My husband always forgets if my eyes are blue or green, and technically, they are both. The new eye guy said he's come across it a couple of times over the last five years.

Sorry for the giant creepy eyes staring at you. I've got the ring of green around the middle, and the blue in the rest. Apparently this means I have the genes for both. Hubbs' eyes are a blue/gray and I'm very curious to see how our kid's eyes turn out.

Those are the kinds of things I've been thinking about lately. I hope she gets my teeth, because Hubbs' are atrocious. His parents could afford braces for the first three kids, but not the last three. It'd be nice not to have to save up thousands of dollars to get Ducky's teeth fixed several years down the line.

Hubbs is hoping Ducky gets his feet though. He's got these long, gangly toes. I've got these short, chubby toes with miniscule toenails. Seriously. The few times I've gone to get a pedicure, the ladies laugh and call all of their co-workers over. Sometimes they bust out the special "detail" brush and try to paint them that way. They get painfully long if they're more than millimeter or so. When I went to get my ingrown toenails removed (on the big toe, those are the only semi-normal ones) the podiatrist was like "hmmm, never seen that before" My magical body, stumping doctors since 19-something-something.

It's fun to guess and speculate though. I know Ducky will be tall. Hubbs and I both have short genes on our sides of the family, but we're both just so obnoxiously tall. Maybe she'll trick us all and be a shorty. 

I'm built a bit like a linebacker and am very chesty. I'm sure she'll inherit those. I however have a flat-pancake kind of butt and Hubbs has more um... bootyliciousness going on back there. lol. Which one will Ducky get? Who knows?

I'm starting to get excited for that part. I really want to meet this tiny person. My only blood relative that I've known. What will she look like? What kind of person will she be? Will she be laid back, stubborn, mischievous, kind? What will she want to be when she grows up? These are the things I can't wait to find out. It'll be nice to see how much is him, how much is me, and how much is all her.

20 Weeks

We're halfway there! It still feels pretty unreal. I'm definitely looking pregnant according to a bunch of people at this point. I think it helped that I had belly pooch to begin with. As promised, some belly pics.

     14 Weeks                                                                     20 Weeks

So fat. At least now it's a good 20% baby, lol. Anyway.

I've had some pretty terrifying nightmares over the last few days. I'm trying not to let anxiety get the better of me. I feel like things will go a lot smoother after the anatomy scan on Wednesday. If anything is wrong, we'll find out and if everything is fine, we'll be nicely reassured.
All I have to do now is wait and hope for the best, I guess. Stressing more isn't going to do great things for my blood pressure, which is already wonky and unpredictable. It's not in the danger zone or anything yet, it's just being closely monitored from visit to visit.
I haven't heard back about my glucose test yet, so I'm hoping that means everything was fine with it. Getting the dreaded diabeetus would not be ideal.

I ordered some super spiffy new glasses, which I am very excited about. My vision got a teeny bit worse, and apparently, over the course of this pregnancy, could potentially get worse or better. Very odd. I scored frames with anti-reflective lenses, a pair of polarized clip-on sunglasses to match, and shipping all for $20. LOVE IT! I got them at Zenni Optical let's see if I love them as much once they arrive.

Green plastic aviators... pimp-tastic. I'm feeling it. Seriously, so awesome.

Should I be worried that my baby shower is in 3 weeks and NO ONE has gotten anything off of our registry? Are they ignoring it? Are they just not getting us stuff? Babies need things! Lots of things! Granted, we've gotten a lot of hand-me-downs from Hubbs' eldest sister, and she has a box full of clothes for us somewhere. But no diapers, no crib, no onesies! It will be a winter baby, it will need clothes, not like those fancy summer babies that can just get away with wearing nothing but diapers all the time. I'm sure I'm worried about nothing as always. 3 weeks is plenty of time for shipping and stuff... bah, it's really not.

It is weird that I am still so reluctant to believe we're really going to have a baby? I have this defense mechanism, where I think things won't work out, so I don't get too disappointed when they don't, or I get doubly excited when they do. We've reached 20 weeks, some part of me should believe that we really will get a whole, live baby at the end of this, but the majority of me still doubts. I want everything to work out so badly, but I'm afraid of letting myself believe that it will. We're keeping the name secret because I don't want to jinx it. I don't even use her name when I talk to her, I still just call her "baby" or "Ducky". Anyone else ever have this problem? Maybe once I get to the point where she actually kicks, and I don't have those phantom, "wait, was that a kick?" moments, it will be easier to relax about everything. Here's to hoping those start soon.

Wednesday Randomness

Last night I legitimately wanted to go to bed at 8pm. I have no idea why I've been so tired lately. Heck, I'm ready for a nap right now. I managed to keep myself up till 10 reading in bed, but I'm fading fast over here.also last night, I made a funny while Hubbs and I were pillow talking. He knows I'm a Ravens fan and said "You hear that Joe Flacco threw 5 interceptions the other day?" and I replied "It's cause someone stole his mighty wings" and then we died laughing. I don't know if it was actually funny, or only funny because we were so tired, but those are the moments I love.
I went to the doctor today because I'd been having some pain near my belly button. They didn't check the baby or anything, which was kind of a bummer. I thought I felt the baby move once, but that was a few weeks ago. I've yet to feel anything definitive, hopefully soon though.
I guess I've got a bit of abdominal separation going on. There's some sort of fancy name for it. It hasn't developed into a hernia though, so that's good. Apparently I've just got to avoid any sudden movements and pay attention to any bulges that pop up in my middle. Let's hope it doesn't get to the point where I need surgery, because that sounds like it would suck.
My blood pressure was misbehaving again. When I first got to the office it was 158/88. A little later it had dropped down to 136/78. Still not great, I guess they're going to keep a closer eye on it from here on out.
The glucose test wasn't bad. That drink tasted super gross though. I had to resort back to my college days and basically chug that bad boy down. Here's to hoping I don't have to do the 3 hour one next. A work friend of mine had to and she said it was seriously awful.
I've decided that I need a pumpkin pie, like asap. We're going to buy one at Costco and seriously just work on it for the rest of the week. Pumpkin pie every day!! This is quite possibly the best idea I have ever had. I almost caved and got a pumpkin pie shake today, but it's just not the same. Cold, delicious pumpkin pie with flaky crust topped with a mountain of whipped cream. OM NOM NOM.
Hubbs' birthday is next week. I've got a nice evening planned for the 11th, but I still have no idea what to get him. He doesn't wear watches or cologne or anything. I'm lucky if he combs his hair every once in a while. Any suggestions? He's seriously just so hard to shop for!

Falling for Fall

Fall is my favorite time of year. I love when the leaves start to change and everything is blanketed in reds, oranges, and yellows. The air is crisp and clean and smells like the start of something new. Closer to Halloween, there's an electricity in the air and just fills me with a sense of comfort and a little bit of excitement. Best season ever.
October also begins "Cake Month" in my family. Well, technically, it started 2 weeks ago. Within the span of about 40 days, there's my mother-in-law's, my best friend's, my brother-in-law's, Hubbs', my niece's, my brother's, and my very own birthday. BIRTHDAYS EVERYWHERE! This year, we just decided to do one day of cake instead of 7. I think that was a wise choice.
Tomorrow I go in for my glucose test (finally), I've been seriously slacking on that. They wanted me to take it early, since I have a history of insulin resistance. I just haven't made time. I'll also be popping in for a quick check-up before my anatomy scan next week I think I'm more nervous about that than anything else.
As I quickly approach 20 weeks, I'm finally starting to feel "big". I mean, let's face it, I've been kind of fat for a while, but It's definitely feeling like at least 50% baby, and less fat. My belly has definitely never been this solid before. I think I've taken 2 bump pics since 12 weeks, maybe I'll actually post them once I take the 20 week one.
It's really starting to dawn on me that this whole pregnancy is basically half over. We've almost graduated to a real baby and not just a fetus. It makes it all seem so much more real and slightly scary.
Hubbs' friend's wife had their baby at 29 weeks, I know several other women who developed complications and had their babies between 27 and 37 weeks. I know I shouldn't worry about the things that can go wrong. I am worried that if this baby decides to pop out super early, we just won't be ready.
Hubbs' family is going to be in town at the end of the month, so we're having our shower a little early. Nov. 1st. I'll be  25-ish weeks by then and that should be fine. We've already gotten a lot of hand-me-down stuff, but no clothes yet. Babies don't need clothes, right? Just diapers and a place to sleep? I feel so unprepared. lol. I'm sure everything will be just fine.
I'm still torn about Dr's offices. The one I've been going to, I like, they have midwives and doctors which is nice. The only downside is that the hospital I would deliver at is about 20 mins away. The other office I go to is much closer and the hospital is seriously a block away. Much more convenient, especially when it is likely I'll have a fake labor scare or two. I still have time to decide, but I really just don't know at this point.

I look forward to continuing on in this journey with all of you!

For those new to the blog, welcome! I've been posting since August 2011, when I was diagnosed with PCOS. After trying lots of different things and getting referred to a specialist, looking into adoption, etc. We gave up and decided not to have kids. Cut to 4 months ago when we found out I was pregnant and are now transitioning into a future with a magical mystery baby girl. Feel free to follow along in our journey from infertility to beyond!

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

We had always just assumed we would have a boy. When I was younger, I swore that I never wanted to have a girl. I was so much of a tomboy and such a non-typical girl, that I had no idea what I would do with a girl. All boys for me, I said!

Since getting pregnant though, I always felt that Ducky was a girl. We'd had a girl name picked out for years and kept rifling through boy ones. At the ultrasound, after Ducky finally cooperated, I was like "I KNEW IT!".

I'm excited for bows and cute little dresses every once in a while. I'm worried that she'll probably be as tall as me, if not taller, and how much it sucks to be the tallest person in the class for the majority of class photos.I want her to always feel beautiful and worthy and to reassure her that she deserves to be loved. That she is more than just her looks and that she brings a lot to the table.

I have this dress that is a one-of-a-kind design from one of my parents designer friends from back in the day. I wore it to my brother's Bar Mitzvah when I was 3. I always had a secret dream that one day, I would have a daughter to pass it down to. Even if it's just for playing "dress up" it's a gorgeous dress. Somewhere we'll put a side-by-side of both of us wearing it.

I want her to find something that she excels at, and loves fiercely. I played a lot of sports, and was above average at all of them. Softball was my kick-ass territory though. I still have the school record for highest batting average (.720) and was recruited by several colleges. An elbow injury kind of sidelined that for me, because I could either keep playing or feel below my right elbow. I chose the feeling. I don't care if it's a sport, music, or art, whatever it is, I hope she loves it and rocks it.

My mother and I don't have the best relationship, and her mother was a complete and absolute nightmare. I'll just say that literally no one cried when that woman left this earth. I don't know if it's because I was adopted, or because my mother really wasn't that present or attentive. I've never felt a connection to her. I was predominately raised by nannies and both of my parents were workaholics. I so envied all of my friends whose mother's stayed home, or picked them up from schoool, or actually seemed nurturing and loving.

I look at my Eldest Sister-In-Law and her four kids and that's the kind of mother I want to be. She is there for them, encourages them, and while I'm sure it's not easy, she is doing a great job with them.

I hope that twerking is a thing of the past by the time she's in school, and fear greatly for whatever thing replaces it. I hope she will be strong enough to make her own decisions, and not just do something because her friends or a celebrity thinks it's cool.

I'm looking forward to meeting this daughter of mine, and hope that we raise her well. I'm excited for the challenges and joys that raising a daughter brings. I know I won't be a perfect mother, because there is no such thing. I think the fact that I worry about whether I will be a good parent means that I will be at least a decent one. 

This Time, it Really is a....

Well, Baby was a teeny bit more inclined to cooperate this time, and then tech was 95% sure that it's a GIRL!
I pretty much always felt like it was a girl, but we would have been ok either way. At least now we can stop trying to narrow down our boy name list. We'll have to save that for the next time around, just in case. We've had our girl name picked for a while. I'm not really telling anyone or using it with the baby yet, because we'll have to wait and see once she pops out if she looks like her name or not. We have a back-up just in case.
We're going to reveal the gender at the baby shower in a month. Family and friends still have no idea what it is, which I like. I don't really want it influencing any gift choices. Now it's nice that our hand-me-down car-seat is pink though. She'll have one pink thing that will just be hers. Everything else will hopefully make it to kid #2. Assuming we're lucky enough to get miraculously pregnant again.
18 weeks, so far everything with the baby looks good. I have my anatomy scan in 3 weeks because there's still some iffy-ness as to my due date. The first estimate was Feb 18th going by LMP, then March 1st when they measured with the first ultrasound, the current guess is Feb. 23rd. Jumping around all over the place. Hubbs will be happy as long as it doesn't pop out during the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty sure this baby is going to be huge, so even the current due date may be an over-estimate. We'll see.

It's a....

We still have no clue!! Baby refused to cooperate and the tech seriously couldn't tell a thing! It kept crossing its legs and straddling its umbilical cord. We're going to try again next week.

In 5 weeks we have the scary ultrasound. The one where they go over every inch of your baby and make sure it has all of the organs and limbs and features it's supposed to. Kind of nervous about that one.

They also checked the heartbeat and it's still going strong at around 158bpm. Apparently my uterus is the gigantic size it's supposed to be as well, so everything still looks good.

We've declined genetic screening and the other tests they run. My family history is a mystery, and anything that pops up we'd just rather be surprised by. We want to make this pregnancy enjoyable and as stress-free as possible. Knowing there's a problem ahead of time would just stress me way too much.

Also, I'm down 20lbs since finding out about the little duck. Pretty ridiculous that I spent all of this time trying to lose weight and all I had to do was get knocked up. I'm sure the weight will start piling back on any week now.

These are the last few weeks before I really start to get big. I mean, I was bigger to begin with, but I mean noticeably pregnant and not just chubby. Perhaps I'll even start posting belly pics. BELLY PICS!

Chin Bunnies

My best friend in college had an aunt that called them "Chin Bunnies". They're the long randomly dark hairs that sprout around the place. Well, I keep finding them on my chin, yesterday I found 2 on my "moustache". This whole hair overgrowth thing just needs to stop it. I wish the hair on top of my head would pick up the pace, it's barely growing at all.

2 days until we find out what it is!! My money is on a girl, but we'll see.

In other news, our apartment reeks to high heaven. It is the stinkiest, grossest smelling thing ever. It's like a moldy swamp mated with a stagnant freshwater lake. I'm trying to air it out with the fan they're using to try to dry the carpet, but it's not working. They're going to rip up the carpet and replace the pads, then bring the carpet cleaners in, hopefully by the weekend.

The Great "Flood" of 2013

Our apartment flooded yesterday. Typically, where we live doesn't get monsoons... apparently the city was not prepared. Our patio is about 3.5 feet below ground level, and only has one drain. A drain that definitely got clogged after a few leaves and whatever else go in the way. The water level just kept rising and rising until eventually, it was about 3 inches up on the glass to our patio door. I took this pic before it got really bad.

You can't really tell, but at this point, it's a good 4 inches deep. I recruited a couple of neighbors to help Hubbs bail it out. By the end of it, our living room carpet got soaked about halfway to the kitchen. So that was fun. Right now there's a giant fan blowing it dry, but it doesn't really seem to be helping much. We also lost power for a few hours, but that wasn't so bad. It was a nice little flashback to monsoon season back when I lived in Arizona and Nevada.

Wednesday we find out what little Ducky is. I still think it's a girl, but we'll see. We're still planning on revealing it to everyone at the baby shower, but I think perhaps you'll get a little sneak peak. We really need to start getting serious about the whole name thing, and knowing what it is will help with that.

I'm a little overwhelmed by the whole registry thing. What we actually need vs what we think we need and generally being completely lost. I think I've come up with a pretty good one though. It's mostly white onesies in varying sizes and sleeve lengths, and a bunch of those wearable blanket things.

How have 16 weeks gone by so quickly? Before I know it, this whole pregnancy will be halfway over. 9 months seems like such a long time, but it's hardly any time at all. I'm going to try to sign up for one of those parenting classes, so they teach me the basics. Hubbs has a lot of experience at this point from babysitting our niece, but I feel wholly unprepared.

2 years

August came and went and I didn't even realize it was my blog-iversary! That's a word, right? Anyway, two seemingly long years ago I started this blog about my infertility diagnosis. It became a place for me to vent my frustration at the whole situation in general, sometimes at Hubbs, sometimes at the world.

It just was a safe place for me to be sad, angry, depressed, hopeful, and frightened. Hopefully someone would read it and feel that they weren't alone in their struggles.

Two years later I am one of the women I'd hope I'd be. One of the "success stories", one of the 44% who magically get pregnant on their own after struggling with IF, treatment failures, and/or giving up hope.

I hit the 15 week mark on Sunday. It's weird, sometimes I actually have to remind myself that I'm pregnant and sometimes I feel it acutely. I'm terrified and excited and in a place where I desperately wanted to be for so long, and then for a brief moment, wasn't sure I even wanted to be.

Here we are now with this magical little miracle baby on the way and hoping everything works out for the best. I'm hope you'll follow along this month and join in this next stage of this journey with us, when "IF" became "yes" and "when" became "now".

14 Weeks

Nothing terribly exciting has happened. We moved to a new apartment, being on the first floor is vastly better than being on the third. Gibbs was a little wary of the new apartment at first, all of the new smells and sounds. He's warmed up to it though.

My hours have been cut at work. Last week I worked 14.75 hours, which means I'm taking home around $100 for the whole week. So sad. Luckily Hubbs still works full time, I think once school starts though, he'll get down to about 30.

We're heading to Vegas next weekend to see my family. Should be fun, I'm actually super excited for the food, because I seriously have to eat a little something like every two hours. It's better than feeling constantly nauseated though, so that's a win. I'm still really tired and am waiting for the mythical second trimester burst of energy they swear is around the corner.

Only a few more weeks until we find out what ducky is. It's exciting and nerve-racking at the same time. I'm still pretty sure it's a girl, mostly because we've had a girl name set for two year, and have barely come up with a short-list for boy names. Or maybe that means it is a boy, lol.

I've definitely noticed a few dark chin hairs popping up over the last month or so. The hair on my head sadly, does not appear to be growing as quickly, gimme my long, luscious mermaid hair please!

VICTORY!

Two huge wins today.

We were victorious over our landlord and Gibbs will be returning to our apartment tomorrow! SO HAPPY!!

Ducky and I have made it to the 2nd Trimester! Woo-hoo! I heard the heartbeat yesterday and I've graduated to a "Normal Pregnancy" for the time being. Double hurray!

This is seriously such a huge weight off of my shoulders. Here's to hoping that everything continues on the up and up.

Pitter-Patter

Tonight is going to be our first night without Gibbs in two years. Already the apartment feels empty, and he's only been at the SiL's for 2 hours. The next few weeks are going to be very hard. I'm seriously hoping that I can get my paperwork signed on Wednesday, but even if I do, who knows how long it will take for them to "approve" it.

In other news, we've had several nibbles on our apartment ads and we've already had 2 sets of people come look at the apartment. If all goes according to plan, we'll be able to move out the first week of September. Where we'll move after that, we're not sure. There's one apartment we like but it's not available to October 1st. There's a great complex a little further north that we'd be able to move in the first week of September, so the timing on that would be perfect.

Here's to hoping everything works out.

Eviction Update

Well apparently, my apartment complex "lost" all of the supporting documentation that has been in my file for TWO YEARS. They claim they have no record of anything ever saying that I had a service dog. They've asked me to get a new form signed by TWO DIFFERENT doctors saying that I can have one. Are you f*cking kidding me? First of all, who has easy access to two different doctors intimately familiar with your medical history? NO ONE. I have been sick with worry and stress over this. Basically, unless I can get this form signed by Tuesday, Gibbs has to be out of our apartment. Luckily, Hubbs' sister has offered to house him for a bit until we get this all sorted out, but seriously. The entire situation is ridiculous. Hubbs is under the impression they just threw the paperwork away because they didn't want to deal with it. I wouldn't put it past them.

Additionally, they've decided that our apartment is filthy and needs "extensive work", really? We spent yesterday getting storage unit and moving our mountain of boxes into it, and let me tell you, our apartment is fine. We did some spot cleaning and hired a maid service to come on Wednesday and get it looking like new. But really? I seriously cannot believe my apartment complex is trying to do this to us. We're supposed to move to a different unit in a week. ONE WEEK. How great is an apartment supposed to look a week before you move? Anyway. Everything is going to be spotless by Friday when they come to inspect, and once it passes, I'm seriously considering telling them to go f*ck themselves.

They also claim to have given us a "notice to comply" about the dog and the "mess" back in April. I am calling bull$hit because we never got a letter. They claim the stuck it to our door, there is absolutely no way we could have missed it if it was out there.

We're trying to sell our contract ASAP. We've got adds on Craigslist and the local news classifieds and we're really hoping to get a nibble soon so we can move to a new place that isn't run by a bunch of assholes.

I seriously haven't been able to eat or sleep and I'm just completely a wreck because of this whole thing. I go to my Dr's office on Wednesday and I'm going to ask them then to sign the form, but I'm not holding out much hope. Do you have any idea how frightening it is to know that it's highly likely that the service dog that has been helping you function and live a normal life for the last 2 years is going to be ripped away from you? The fear and anxiety over this is crippling. Not to mention the added stress of thinking that the added stress is hurting the baby.

Wish us luck this week... we're gonna need it.

Eviction Notice, What?

Thanks Hubbs for waking me up at 1:30am to tell me you found an eviction notice on our door. It magically appeared sometime between 8:30pm and 1am, when our apartment's office definitely isn't open. The best part? They're saying it's because we have a dog... the service dog that they are well aware that I've had for the last 2 years. Also for not "taking care of our apartment properly" um... tell me how an apartment is supposed to look when we move IN A WEEK. Have boxes everywhere and I've had terribad morning sickness for the last 2 months, am bone tired, and Hubbs works all day doing hard manual labor. Between the two of us, we're lucky to get one box packed a day before we're done. Not to mention that I'm still technically "high-risk" and am not supposed to stress or exert myself, or lift anything over like, 15lbs.
They are going to get an ear full tomorrow morning and this crap is going to get sorted out. Morons. Seriously.

11 Weeks

Every day brings something new to panic about.

I'm feeling a bit better, is the baby ok?

I've got super light spotting again, is the baby ok?

Holy crap, I am going to be someone's mother.

I know that stress isn't good, do I'm trying to just relax and roll with the punches, but it's hard sometimes.

We wanted this little duck so badly and I can't help but worry and hope that everything will turn out well in the end. That I'll be ok and Ducky will be ok, and that we'll be a happy little family.

Next week is our anniversary. We really don't have much special planned, but it'll be nice to have an evening out on the town. I might even get dressed up, who knows. Hopefully 11.5 weeks will be close enough to 12 that my morning sickness will back off.

Of course, that's another thing to freak out about because my sister-in-law miscarried at 14 weeks the time before she popped out my latest niece. She said she started feeling great at 12 weeks and I guess that's when the pregnancy ended.

Don't freak out. Everything will be fine. Breathe. 

It's a Duck!!

10.5 Weeks! Our baby looks like a duck and my uterus looks like a skull, so overall, I'd say things are pretty badass.

 

It was wiggly and jumping and had a strong little heartbeat and it was awesome to see. Every time I come out of an appointment and things are fine, it gives me a tiny bit more hope that just maybe things will work out in the end. 

I'm getting more and more torn about finding out what it is. It might be kind of fun to find out and then surprise the family, especially since we told them I was so adamant about not finding out. Probably with one of those gender reveal cakes. 

 There's plenty of time to think about it. I think I might try to have my shower in November though, since it's looking like my due date will be moved up to February. I think it'd be too hard to do it in December, and January is too close to when Ducky might pop out.

I think Ducky is going to be the new official nickname for this little nugget. Ducky it is!

For those new readers, who are like, what the heck is this blog about? Well, let me tell you! It started out as in infertility blog, a place for me to vent my frustration and share the journey. After about 2 years, we gave up hope and decided not to have children at all. The doctor's weren't optimistic and nothing seemed to be going in our favor. We'd started planning our early retirement and then the universe had other plans. 

Now we have this tiny, magical, miracle pregnancy and I hope you'll stick around and join us on this journey to parenthood. 

End of Month 2

Ultrasound tomorrow. Should be funsies, Hubbs will get to see little nugget for the first time as well, so that'll be interesting. I'm curious to see if he'll cry.

In other news, our 3rd anniversary is next week. It's looking like we'll go to either Buffalo Wild Wings or Red Robin. For some reason chicken and hamburgers are the only foods that don't make me nauseated at all. Magical.

I've still just been insanely tired, forgetful, clumsy. Interestingly, mornings are better for my morning sickness than evenings. In the mornings, I feel awesome. I still have yet to puke though, so I'm wearing that like some sort of merit badge.

I really will try to be better about posting next month. This month everything has just been so insane and I've been so run down that I haven't had the energy for it.

2 months down and 7 to go. Here's to hoping everything keeps on the up and up and this little nugget keeps thriving.

Gummy Bear

Luckily yesterday turned out to be ok.
They did an ultrasound and baby was fine. There was this tiny little wiggly gummy bear waving its little arm and leg buds at me. It was awesome.
To be safe, they sent me to the hospital to have some blood work and get my RoGAM shot. The Dr. just said to take it easy and watch out for any changes and frequency and that kind of thing.
It was such a huge relief to see that little wiggle wave. Baby has a strong heartbeat too, which was nice to see.
They're going to start monitoring me a little more closely, but overall, I'm feeling like things are going to be just fine. Hopefully I'm right.
Morning sickness is still a jerk. I just have to be careful about what I eat and avoid trigger foods like blueberries, turkey, and bread. So random. Interestingly enough though fried pickles and buffalo wild wings are like mana from heaven and I want to eat them every day.
Hubbs has been very tuckered out from work, so by the time I get home, he's napping and when I wake him up, he gets super grumpy. Same thing happens in the actual morning. Dude does not like waking up before he feels ready. If I let him sleep as long as he wanted, he wouldn't wake up till 3pm.
Have I mentioned that we're moving in about 3 weeks? Luckily we're just moving one building over and two floors down, but I'm not really sure how we're gonna swing that one. About half of our stuff is packed up and we really need to get started on the rest. I have moved many, many times and the next important step is "the purge", in which we throw out about half of our stuff. There are things we seriously haven't used in the 3 years we've been here, so I think it's safe to say, they can get thrown away or donated depending on their level of shabbiness.
I'm looking forward to another relaxing weekend, even though we have a few things going on, they'll mostly involve sitting around eating with friends and playing board games, so I'm down. 

Spotting

On and off, very occasionally over the last 2 weeks, I've been having some spotting. It's only when I wipe and only every once in a while. The first two times it was just very slightly pink. These last two times, it's been obvious spotting. Weirdly though, it seems to be coming from just inside my vagina or labia, and isn't really cervical.
I'm heading to the Dr's today and I am nervous. I don't really know how I feel overall. I mean, I want everything to be OK. I've just spent the last month and a half convincing myself that something will probably go wrong and to not get my hopes up that things will work out. Now that there's the possibility of something being wrong, I'm feeling kind of lost.
I know I shouldn't stress myself out though and need to just take some deep breaths and hope for the best. Wish us luck.

Morning Sickness

For the last 3 weeks I've been in a haze of grossness. First, I caught E-Coli from the tainted water supply in the town where I work. That was fun. After those symptoms FINALLY went away, morning sickness decided to kick in.
Here's the fun thing about my morning sickness, I don't puke, oh no no... I spend the entire day confused as to whether I am starving or incredibly nauseated. My stomach can no longer tell the difference. Eating doesn't really make it go away, so I'm tempted to believe it's nausea. I maybe get an hour or so where I don't feel completely miserable in my tummy. Hurray.
Today I discovered the cure though! If I obsessively chew gum, it goes away! I don't know how much longer I can keep it up, but I'm hoping forever. As long as it's not spearmint gum... one of my cube-neighbors at work decided to chew some yesterday and it was the most horrifying stench I've ever experienced. I used to like the smell, but now it's like gross putrid liquorice bombing my nostrils and makes me feel 10x more nauseated. 
Sleep hasn't really been that great. I get so tired I wind up going to bed around 9:30pm and waking up at 8. My back is crazy sore and I have to seriously drag myself out of bed every morning.
I'd been given a reprieve from the cramps for a while, but they've come back this week. I am way too in tune with my uterus. I think it's mostly the cyst on righty (aka my right ovary) that's causing the trouble.
There's another 3 weeks before the next ultrasound, but I'm excited to see the little nugget. I'll be just about 10 weeks, so it'll look like a squirmy gummy bear from what I've gathered. Fun stuff. Hubbs will be there too, so that will be nice. In 3 weeks I'm also testing out the new doctor's office, so we'll see how that goes and figure out if I'm making the switch from there.

I still think we're in the shocked stage. I mean sure we've settled on the short-list of names we like, and I've created the registry for the shower which I'm planning for January. It all still just seems so far away and unreal that we haven't had time to worry or panic. Hopefully it sets in soon because our naive optimism is starting to freak me out.

Heartbeat!

We have a heartbeat! There's a real, actual baby in there.

 

They bumped by due date back by two weeks, so now we're looking at March 1st, 2014.
I'm actually relieved there's only one in there, I have no idea how we would have managed twins in our tiny apartment.

I've prepped an e-mail and am ready to send it off to Hubbs' family, I'm just waiting for him to give the stamp of approval.

So between this week and last week, I've lost 10lbs. Interesting. I don't know if its the baby or the possible E Coli, but it's something. I'm still taking my pre-natal vitamins, metformin, and sticking progesterone up my lady bits. Now hopefully everything stays on the up and up and this baby is gonna stick around.

 

Baby NEEDS French Fries

Today was nice and relaxing. I actually got to work almost my full shift (a rarity when you work in mortgages and are at the mercy of the market). Things were going well. I'd had breakfast, but did less snacking during the day.

Then, someone brought in a McDonald's bag. Over the next few hours, my hunger intensified, nothing else would do. Baby needed french fries. I got off work and headed to McD's and got myself a small fries and demolished it in the car. Totally hit the spot. I'm proud of myself for just getting a small, because I've been making a serious effort to eat healthily lately, and I can pretend that counts.

In other news, it's likely I have E Coli... awesome. The drinking water in the town where I work was contaminated last week, already a few of my co-workers have it, so it's likely I do too. I figure I'll get tested on Friday when I go in for the ultrasound.

Speaking of which, SO EXCITED for the ultrasound! Depending on the actual number of weeks I am, I know to expect anything from tiny little blob of not much in a black sac, to a weird lizard-looking thing. I'm hoping it's far along enough to see a heartbeat, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

I still really want it to be twins, but more and more I'm starting to think it's just one little nugget in there. At least there's something in there and that's all that matters!

Pinterest has been fun. I've started a little registry wish list and fun stuff for later too. Seems so much more convenient than registering at just one place. I think I'll take the Walmart or Baby's R Us Route and then share the Pinterest board as well, so people can pick and choose. Since this will be our first, I am taking full advantage. My aunts and uncles and everyone will FREAK over there being a grandbaby in the family. Everything is green and yellow though because I swear, I am NOT finding out what it is until it pops out!

Symptoms

So far, my symptoms have kind of relaxed a bit. I'm not as crampy, which is nice. I'm definitely way more nauseated, which is fun, but I haven't puked yet, so go me! My boobs are insanely sensitive, but that's ok, they only hurt when I touch them. lol.

This weeks is a short week for me at work and I'm rather glad. Only 2 more days and I'm off for a wonderful, relaxing, AC filled, 4-day weekend of laziness. We've got a family BBQ on the 4th complete with fireworks. Hubbs has way too much fun setting those off. Then Friday I go in for my ultrasound, yay! It'll be nice to actually know how old this little nugget is so we can start taking bets on due dates. Feel free to weigh in, internet. According to loose math, I'm either 5 weeks or 7 weeks. Ahh, the joys of unpredictable cycles. Friday will tell us for sure though.

This might be TMI, but whatever. How the hell are you supposed to function normally whilst taking a progesterone vaginal suppository? Like seriously, it's like leak-city. Pads just feel icky with this crazy heat we've been having lately. Pretty much I just put it up there before bed and when I first get up in the morning because I usually goof around for an hour or so before work.

The other symptom which is kicking my ass is fatigue. Holy crap am I tired. I took a nap today and I'm still dragging. I'm probably going to cave and go to bed in about 15 minutes anyway.

I receive a surprise today, apparently I have health insurance. WHAT?! I know right! I guess I'd signed up for it when I first joined my temp agency and the card came today. Perfect timing. The coverage is pretty crappy, so I'm still applying for Medicaid. I managed to get all of the paperwork in for that today. Hurray for coverage!

I'll try to post every day this month, but I'm not sure how well I will stick to that. Just in case I don't, have a wonderful 4th everyone!

Everything is Looking Good

Well, so far anyway, it seems like things are on the up and up. My hCG is doubling every 48-72 hours as it should, my Progesterone is in the normal range, but not as high as the Dr likes, so I get to stick suppositories up my hoo-ha, that part sounds awful, and I'm starting metformin again just to be on the safe side.

I got them to remove the frighteningly scary "Pregnancy with Threatened Abortion" from my file, which apparently, had been put there in error. They only reserve that for when you have bleeding, which I don't, yay!

I told them that my cycles tend to be really long, so instead of now being 7 weeks, it's probably closer to 5. They did an ultrasound and after spending a long ass time even just trying to find my uterus, the Dr wasn't really sure he actually had. That's a scary thought. At the moment though, they have no idea how far along I am. Great. They scheduled me for another ultrasound next Friday, because they think that by then, the tech will be able to find at lest a gestational sac or something in there. Seriously, in my mind, I was like "awesome, my uterus has cloaking technology, way to go!"
I have much higher hopes for someone who does ultrasounds every day, rather than this ancient doctor who does one every once in a while. I'm still thinking about switching Doctor's. They were all much nicer this time around, but I don't know... maybe I'll give it a little more time and see.


I've also managed to get myself considered for a study in the area. They get first-time moms to participate to see why women have low-birth weight or early babies. I basically would go in once a trimester for an ultrasound and some labs, and get paid for my trouble. Free money? Ok, if you insist.
Even though it's even earlier than we though, and my due date is looking more like March, than February. I still want to tell people. I know everyone's like, no-no! Be cautious!  So far I've gotten a kick out of the shocked and excited reactions from our friends and family that we've told so far, and why not keep that fun going?

Since so many women go past their due dates on the first one, I'm totally hoping for a St. Patrick's Day baby now, Valentine's Day can suck it.

"Pregnancy with Threatened Abortion"

Dear Healthcare Provider,

I'm pretty sure you should actually talk it over with your patient before adding this frighteningly scary phrase to their file. When someone is already fearing the viability of their pregnancy and you randomly slap it in there, and they log on to check their conditions and stuff... it makes for a mild heart attack.
Whoever decided this was a good idea needs a serious talking to. I bet it was that ancient nurse who let me wait around for an hour and a half before telling me the Dr was stuck at the hospital. Who chalked up all my concerns to first pregnancy jitters or whatever. You don't know my history, lady, and I know that my risks are far higher than 90% of the women who walk through your doors, so shut your face, and make me and my baby feel important. Pretty sure I'm going to ask for a different nurse. This doctor better not be a douchebag.

 Sincerely,

Me.
....................................................................................................................
 Today I'm going in for the results of my 2-day apart Betas and my progesterone test. Both which I had to insist on getting. Seriously hated that nurse. Hopefully, I will hear good news, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.
I've been trying to figure out how far along I am, but most of those due date calculators take into account your cycle length as well... so I've heard anywhere from Feb 18th - March 6th. That's a huge difference! Hopefully the Beta levels will give them a better idea of how far along I actually am.
Part of me still really thinks its twins, but I'm not sure if that's just because that's what I'm hoping for. Maybe they'll throw in an ultrasound today to make up for being such jerks last time. One can dream. lol.
Yesterday I had my first real bout with morning sickness, I'd been burpy and weird other days, but yesterday I ate a blueberry muffin for breakfast. Baby does NOT like blueberries. I spent the next several hours feeling like I was going to puke and burping up a storm. I have what I like to call "an iron stomach" and I rarely puke. Yesterday was about as close as I get, so that was fun.
I'm also hoping that at this appointment, I'm less stressed. When I went to Planned Parenthood on Monday for my confirmation for my insurance application, my BP was 120/80 like always. Tuesday, when I went to the new Dr's office and bitch-nurse was taking my BP, it was 154/100. YIKES. I'm sure it doesn't help that I was nervous as all hell. I just need to remember to take deep breaths, relax, and try to let go of all of the fear. We'll see...